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Jay

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  • #377861
    Jay
    Participant

    This reply has been reported for inappropriate content.

    Its definitely not anything external, I know it’s because I slipped and looked, it created lots of unnecessary questions in my mind and also weakened me to get back into a detrimental habit as I discovered things might not have worked out but I know if that’s the case then I’m just waiting for the next bombshell to set me back, I feel a bit stronger today that I can repel the urge to look for harmful information. Also I’m just feeling lethargic from the healing process, I have a void at the moment and it does feel a little bit lonely, this week barring one day I’ve just come home from work, had dinner and gone to bed which is not that stimulating for what I’m feeling at this time. I’m also waiting for medication to take affect as well so I know things will improve. I’ll have a good think about the questionnaire and come back with some thoughts, I can say I can’t tick many boxes from the answers I would have from the recent relationship but we all know that from my posts lol.

    • This reply was modified 8 minutes ago by Jay.
    #377856
    Jay
    Participant

    Thanks Danny, I appreciate the time and effort in that last post, I will certainly give the first post some time and consideration and then let you know my views.

    Last weekend I had no plans and feared for the worst and it was okay, I’m not sure where the anxiety has come from there’s no specific reason, today I’ve not felt an overwhelming urge to know what’s going on with her or to check SM or sadness about things which I feel a sense of relief about today.  I’ve found this week quite challenging mentally so I’ll be glad to see the back of it. I think I will start getting myself together in the next couple of weeks and try to start making plans so I’ve got something to look forward, I haven’t really felt up to doing that recently but I thinks it’s important to start making positive plans.

    #377848
    Jay
    Participant

    Its fine Danny, to be honest where I’ve been up and down it could easily have assumed I felt that way. I feel strange today, like I’m not feeling like I’m missing anything terribly but I do feel a bit anxious, maybe because it’s the weekend and I have no plans again. If you wish to post the questions again then I’ll happily have a look to see if they can aid me in anyway possible, I’m open to anything that could possibly make me feel better.

    Also I fully agree with everything you said in regards to Sammys contributions on this thread, she is very selfless and giving and I fully appreciate the advice and the time she takes to check in and provide detailed posts 🙂.

    • This reply was modified 2 hours, 37 minutes ago by Jay.
    #377836
    Jay
    Participant

    Sammy you have a such a way with words you really do! Always said with empathy and understanding, along with overthinking I also have a very good memory and although I’m trying to prioritise the bad memories I can’t seem to stop the good ones popping into my head either.

    I fell asleep early again yesterday and slept through until 3am, struggling a bit with anxiety again but not as bad as it was before. I agree I’m nowhere near ready to pursue a serious relationship and it’s not something I want to consider, sure it would be nice to have someone new to talk to for comfort but no one current on the radar, we’ll see what happens, I’m just taking each as it comes and dealing with my emotions, I know I will be okay and will get through this. I know my thoughts run wild and can get me down but my actions are in check, I don’t feel to need to reach because as you said its pointless and will only prolong the pain, its actually been the longest period of time without contact since we first started dating so it’s progress in itself, I’ve also not touched alcohol since good Friday and I feel great for that also and don’t intend for the time being, so I know I’m doing things to aid my recovery.</p>

    • This reply was modified 4 hours, 47 minutes ago by Jay.
    #377766
    Jay
    Participant

    Hi Sammy, I’m overthinking everything at the moment, I just feel like nothing is moving along for me at the moment and I know I have to be patient as these things take time. I know I’m yearning for that feeling and I have been for a while now so when you want something your mind will try to problem solve with lots of different ideas to achieve that goal.

    Danny when I mentioned to fully get over the feeling I was referring to myself meeting someone who can make me feel that way, I’m not intentionally waiting for her find someone before I start to move on, I’m just not ready yet, when I mentioned light contact I was just thinking it maybe a way to take my mind off of things and to fill a void of loneliness I suppose, I don’t want to go out and force these scenarios, I want them to happen naturally, I’m hoping with the relaxing of the rules there will be an opportunity for that to happen soon. I won’t be establishing contact with her I can promise you that, not after this amount of time has passed, I don’t want to have to go through all this again, it’s just not worth it not matter how much I miss her.

    Honestly it could just be the medication I’m taking for the dip in mood this week, it is common for that to happen and haven’t helped myself but stirring it up by looking her up, I’m sure it will pass soon and I get back to a positive mindset.

    • This reply was modified 1 day, 1 hour ago by Jay.
    #377759
    Jay
    Participant

    Hi Sammy, i think it was more to do with being emotionally and mentally exhausted why I slept so well, either way it was well needed. I agree fully with everything you said there and it is very good advice. I haven’t experienced anything like that for a very long time and ideally that’s all I want to feel content. I know that I wouldn’t let this past relationship cast doubt over future ones and hold me back, I think I’m pretty much one of those people who won’t fully get over someone until they meet another person who makes them feel the same way or better.

    I do trust everything you say Sammy, you are living proof of that last post, I’m sure once I get to talk about this to someone and dissect everything I will be able to learn better thought patterns instead of going back to the same ones, in the meantime I’m functioning, I’m keeping to my routine and I’m keeping faith in better days coming eventually.

    • This reply was modified 1 day, 3 hours ago by Jay.
    #377748
    Jay
    Participant

    Morning guys, I had more hours sleep last night than I’ve had in a while so that done me the world of good, still not feeling too positive but I’m ready to tackle the day.

    I’m know I’ve been a bit harsh on myself and is only human when those feelings are there, I just know in myself I’ve identified this is a weak spot that is hindering me moving on faster, Rhaenys you are so right with everything you said, I know everything being said is true as to what I deserve but the attachment just bypasses that all, I know it could take a while for this to pass so I’ll just keep doing as I am and adding any positive changes I can along the way and I know I will get to a better place.

    I’m glad I’ve got this thread to post on, it makes me feel like I’ve got a safety net when I’m feeling like I have this week, I know it’s going to pass and I’m going to feel better so thank you for your replies

    #377707
    Jay
    Participant

    Evening all, I’m okay, just not felt great today, the tablets I take can be inconsistent for the 1st couple of weeks so I’m just trying to battle on, earlier finish today which was needed, I just wanted to get home and chill, gonna have an early night and hopefully feel a bit better tomorrow, I wanted to wait until I passed from this current mood before replying lol.

    It’s nice you guys can say I’m a good catch based on my posts, thank you for that nice compliment, I think you are all wonderful and considerate people, I know my posts are mainly focused on myself but I am just as invested in your journeys as you are mine 🙂.

    I will be back on track and back to where I was, felt so good to be in that mind frame but I do understand its not always going to be plain sailing with the attachment I’ve got and I shouldn’t be too hard on myself given how longs it been

    #377662
    Jay
    Participant

    Morning Sammy, I appreciate those words, I come in from a friend’s and went straight to sleep and actually slept well. Its one day where I’ve looked so today is a new day and I will get back to avoiding it again, I really don’t want to be 2nd or 3rd best for anyone because I know I’m worth more than that, your not the first person to quote Einstein to me either. I’ve got the goals to work towards and that won’t change but the days just feel so long at the moment, I know what would help would be if I could at least establish light contact with someone else as at the moment life does feel a bit empty. Anyway I know one thing I will keep going with my routine and won’t let anything change that and I’m sure something will develop sooner or later

    • This reply was modified 2 days, 7 hours ago by Jay.
    #377638
    Jay
    Participant

    Thank you Sammy, I will always be honest on here with you guys, after succumbing to temptation yous and my sister are the only ones I have confessed to, this is because I di really want to beat this addiction and that’s what it is now and I really feel like your all in my corner. The picture change was the trigger, I just felt an urge to have a look even after how I made me feel last time and not knowing what to expect, I suppose where I’ve told myself she’s seeing someone else now I can’t feel any worse and my anxiety is so much better now, I am curious of course to whats happened but it doesn’t change anything, bottom line is I don’t want to feel this way anymore, I want to be free of wanting someone who doesn’t want me back and I’m trying so hard to undo bad habits, I promise you though I will not contact her under any circumstances. I suppose it is loneliness creeping in, it is a reminder of missing the messages, phone calls and banter we used to have, I want to fully accept she’s gone for good but I suppose I’m not quite there yet, I’ve lost count of how long its been now, I think it’s around 8 weeks, I’ll go again though Sammy, I’ll restart the process and slowly but surely I’ll get to a place of peace so I can build a foundation for my future.

    Thank you for the prompt reply, I’m feeling fine I’m just a little annoyed with myself for throwing more wood on a fire I want to go out.

    #377634
    Jay
    Participant

    Evening guys hope your all well and had a good day. Welcome back Rhaenys, thank you for taking the time to read through my posts, I’m sorry that you have had to go through a similar experience, it really is the worst and most challenging episode I’ve personally had to go through so well done on making it to where you are now and what you have achieved despite the way you have felt over the last 9 months, from both our circumstances it’s comforting to know to their are people out there in the same boat wanting the same things, it’s just down to fate that we meet them one day, thanks to Sammy and Danny I now believe this will happen some day and so should you! Its good that you have found someone to chat to online if your isolated due to the lockdown, even if it doesn’t go anywhere it will help you with your confidence for talking to other people in the future.

    Yes I’ve been quite lucky to have a friend who has been able to cut my hair, I’ve got to go his salon now though, was quite nice to have a home cut service!

    Guys I’m gonna be honest with yous, I’m really disappointed in myself, after last night I cracked on looking at SM after seeing the profile picture change, I just couldn’t help myself. From what I can see the other person I see her in a picture with her has deleted her on fb so who knows what has happened there, I know this is completely irrelevant to me now as I should be moving as far away as I can from the situation, i feel like I’ve destroyed all the determination I’ve had the last days and making myself anxious from speculating on something that shouldn’t be important to me. I’m just reopening old wounds, I’m going to start over as I was doing so well and felt like I was making progress with starting to get away from feeling like crap, there’s only so much the medication will help if I won’t help myself. I’m just hope I don’t have to wait too long for an appointment for counselling as I think this will really help with preventing me from making these mistakes, I think where I’m fighting so hard everyday I’ve just ran out of energy to keep it up.

    #377555
    Jay
    Participant

    Thank you! Its 55 miles each way, probably on average 3 hours a day travelling but I’ve got used to it now, the traffic is creeping up now though everything is getting back to normal. I really like the job and it’s well paid so worthwhile, in a way it saved me, I’ve worked in call centres for the last 10 years and I hated it, probably contributed to my depression over time, I used to struggle to get up at half 7 then but now I like the job I get up at 5am happily.

    If you feel you need another day then why not take one, it’s more productive for you if you’ve taken some time out from being stressed and a chance for some time to yourself. It’s been tough last few months! I’m saving my annual leave to go away nearer the end of the year and at the moment I would rather be at work! Its great to hear your invested in my journey, this thread has been a real comfort and I do look forward to the notifications popping up, knowing I can post if I’ve had a crappy moment.

    I’ve booked haircut today actually but cannot get in until May 1st, I’ve had 3 haircuts through this lockdown though because a friend I know is a hairdresser so I’ve been lucky there, no concrete plans just gonna go with how I feel at the time, I do plan to buy dj equipment in a couple of weeks to start a new hobby, I used to really enjoy it when I was younger so I thought why not!

    #377550
    Jay
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Evening Sammy, sorry you had a difficult weekend but glad you had some you time to yourself today. I was in the same boat and declined an invitation to sit outside the pub, far too cold and not really feeling it at the moment. Yesterday was OK just wanted to get out of the house to be honest but all in all happy I had a chilled weekend and squeezed in a workout as well. So it’s a 110 mile trip to work each day but I get picked up and dropped off, normally have a sleep on the way there lol.</p>
    Thank you for kind words, I will keep going, I feel like I’ve got my sensible head on now and will bide my time, I caught a glimpse of her name on my messenger when scrolling through and see she changed her profile pic but I’ve stood strong and not reinstalled fb to look so I’m definitely becoming more resistant to wanting to know what’s going on in her life.

    When that moment does happen when I meet someone who is on the same wavelength ill be sure to tell you all about it! Thank you for the positive messages, they keep me believing.

     

    #377483
    Jay
    Participant

    Afternoon Sammy, hope today has been better for you. Woke up again at 6am, another 5 hours sleep! Its weird though because I don’t feel that tired, didn’t have much to do today and was feeling a little bit down this morning so I actually dragged myself in the gym and done 14km on the bike and felt better for it and then got an invite to watch football round my friends so at least I haven’t been stuck indoors with time to dwell on anything and back to work tomorrow! I actually get up at 5am as we have to travel quite far to get there but I’m used to it now so all good.

    I do believe this has happened for a reason and was a chapter that had to be undertaken for my own good, we did have some good moments and as much as I wanted to make more memories and enjoy life with her, I did really know from the start in my gut it couldn’t of lasted for a long period of time and the attachment and infatuation has masked that. At this time I have changing emotions but I do think once the pain settles down and I get to the point where I love myself I will look back without bitterness or hate, I think I’m doing at times now and it is still early days.

    Your right as well with the weekend being unexpected, on Friday I thought I would spend the weekend indoors dwelling on things but I have seen a lot of friends and socialised without drinking any alcohol so I feel good about that and I’m not feeling constantly sad and down about everything, starting to feel things will get better now rather than just hope they will.

    • This reply was modified 4 days, 23 hours ago by Jay.
    • This reply was modified 4 days, 23 hours ago by Jay.
    • This reply was modified 4 days, 23 hours ago by Jay.
    #377456
    Jay
    Participant

    Hey Sammy, hope you feel better from yesterday and are having a good weekend! Mine hasn’t actually been so bad, yesterday I didn’t feel great and only stayed at my friends for a short while as I felt anxious and wanted to have a quiet night in online with my friends, didn’t sleep well either, think its a combination of my thoughts and sleep pattern, I hate waking up at 6am when I don’t have work!

    Today I have felt a lot better, I chilled in the day and have been to see friends in the evening and not felt really down, I’ve been able to laugh and joke with them and I’ve avoided drinking alcohol and also I’ve not let myself constantly obsess what she may or may not be doing, I think this is a combination of the medication possibly and I’m still going strong on the SM blackout so that has definitely helped, could also be I’m finally starting to accept she’s gone for good subconsciously and my mind could be adjusting to moving forward after how long its been now, hopefully this carries on and will be less curious as to what’s going on in her life.

    I’ve started to make notes of how I feel in my phone now with dates, it’s a bit late but I do have this thread to go back on also if I need to give myself a boost and see the progress I’m making.

    Who I was prior to meeting her was a very lost person, I had no direction or ambition to change my life, I had pretty much given up on doing anything apart from working a dead end job which I hated just so I had money to pay what I needed to live and then just get wasted at the weekends, I never even to buy any new clothes unless I had to, I literally had no pride in myself and really was just floating through life. This is a big reason why even though its been painful to be on and off for the last year and half I would never regret it because it has awoken me to really look at my life and change my perspective on what I want for the rest of it. I was really unhappy prior to that night I met her in the pub and we hit off and she made me feel the best I had in years for the first couple of months, this is obviously why I have become so attached and desperate to cling on no matter how toxic it has become, she may have used me when it was convenient for her but to be honest it’s has been my gain to endure all of it to learn lessons and be a catalyst for better things, I’ll be sure to thank her for that if we cross paths in the future lol.

    Overall though weekend has not been nearly as bad as I feared, I’m starting to feel positivity more often now and I’m determined to use the way I feel to push me to do the things I want to do in the pursuit of my personal happiness.

    Thank you for checking in, I hope you enjoy the rest of the weekend!

    • This reply was modified 5 days, 16 hours ago by Jay.
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