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Trying to deal with anxiety and loss after relationship break up

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  • #380777
    Sammy
    Participant

    Oh em gee, @Tim1 when I saw it was a reply from you I couldn’t believe my eyes! You’ve made my heart soar today. Awwwwww, literally in tears! Congratulations on your baby girl. I’m not surprised she was eager she has wonderful parents she was looking to be held and cooed over by.

    I always loved your sage advice and you continue to hold the same wisdom. Thank you for the reassurance and those who pass through this thread will learn the best lesson, life isn’t happy ever after but being yourself and not losing your essence is the key!
    Sadly @Shelbyville @Kkasxo and @Lucie never reposted. It would have been lovely to have a conclusion.


    @Shelbyville
    in the end found love with the guy we didn’t expect her to. Her last correspondence was around December so not long after you, she was going through major changes as a result of the new relationship and work. I too had hoped to hear from her but the lack of follow up I’m sure means she’s continued to be loved up and is happy so has no use for this thread anymore.


    @Kkasxo
    still plays on my mind because she had Covid and was going to reply but never did. I hope she recovered and is thriving too!

    You have also had a lot of change, so I’m not surprised you’re stressed, but like you said you made the right choice in partner and I’m over the moon for you, you could tell you were a great fit. You feel no what ifs so I have no doubt you’ll pull through and be an incredible father to her and continue being a great husband. I have so much I could ask you but I will just bask in this and allow you to settle into fatherhood. Currently, I’m glad I can proudly tell you I’m doing good too.

    Thank you for everything you did for me when I was in the heights of insobriety and spiralling. I will treasure your precious time and kindness and send positive vibes for you forever more! If I had met you in real life,  I would never let you go. Thank you Tim, you are an amazing person! A big part of my journey. Thank you for coming back and giving me the update! You don’t know how much it means to me to read overall the pregnancy was safe and you’re girls are home. I was so invested in your journey too! Kisses and love to your bubba! 💕💕💕💕

    Only because it’s you @Dannydan I’ll waive the fee! Lol

    Hope you had a great Bank Holiday! I’ve been super busy so sorry about the late reply. The long weekend and weather has been so much fun. I went to my besties for a garden party with friends, and I may have given into the booze. The atmosphere and vibe meant it was too hard to resist, we all got pretty drunk but it’s safe to say after today’s hangover and learning of my shenanigans I’m not going there again even for social. Bf was amazing, he hardly ever drinks because of his job and he treats his body like a temple, so he was very comforting and sobered me up pretty fast this morning. The most embarrassing thing is I said a lot of things which I have no recollection of and my bestie revealed in a video. Cringe alert! I was singing shoutout to my ex and said some very lewd things about her brother which I will not repeat on here. True emotion really does come pouring out when drunk, I shudder to think what I could have said if I felt differently 🤣🤣🤣🤣

    Since sobering up I’ve been reflecting on how far I’ve come from last year, and seeing Tim’s message has really made my day. I made all the right choices since doing all the inward work. I never thought we would be here! We did it Danny lol! You’re tying the knot and I’m finally happy with who I am, found a relationship where I feel excited, challenged and accepted. Like Tim said hard work pays off, well done us!

    #380790
    Danny
    Participant

    @Tim1, I’m stoked to hear from you too. My own brother recently had a baby and I held the little fella for the first time this weekend. Insane feeling. I know as an uncle I can hand him back when it gets too much but speaking to my brother I completely understand how you feel. The sleepless nights seem to be particularly gruelling. You have a great partner, you’ll be totally fine as you support each other emotionally and physically so well. You’re going to make the best dad! Enjoy it mate they grow rapidly!

    To echo Sammy’s words, thank you for all the input it really helped guide me to the best possible decision of my life. As you may have read, I was courageous enough to fight for ‘B’ and didn’t settle, found growth and nurtured that emotional connection first over the physical. I will no doubt have an amazing physical experience as a result and both very excited. I have had a few hiccups but I’m going to therapy and it’s made me finally deal with all my feelings. I’m working on making amends with the betrayal. I have found courage to admit to myself I suffer from the blues more deeply in form of depression. I would be very grateful to know does it ever completely go away? Sammy has followed in your path and been a tremendous help and guide to me.

    I return the well wishes in tenfold, may parenthood be the making of you!


    @Sammy1
    ahaha thanks I’m working on the idea already!

    Should get the survey results back this week now the bank holiday is done. Keep your fingers crossed all goes smoothly.

    I had a great Bank Holiday weekend too, was introduced to my nephew, he’s so cute! B and I were very broody, seeing her with a baby in her arms made my heart melt. But we both just looked at each other and knew, on our journey back to London we discussed it and agreed to enjoy the freedom of no responsibility once married, rather than rush into baby making. Indulge in the thrills of the missed physical side just the two of us and really enjoy the adventure. Needless to say we just can’t control the itch for much longer ahaha. I hope Boris doesn’t have any other stupid plans up his sleeves. Just weeks away!!!!

    I can just imagine your drunken behaviour. So you’re a sentimental drunk! I always pegged you as the crying type ahaha. I’m sure your bf wouldn’t mind hearing your explicit thoughts though! It’s okay to drink you know, as long as it’s not a crutch. Maybe limit it to social so if you do give in on the odd occasion, you don’t feel guilt ridden after. Although at a certain age the hangover is just not worth it!

    I agree, well done us. We took the long road and really did a lot of inward soul searching before rushing into a relationship and it’s paid off. Who’d have thought we’d be here!

    I’m going to give it a few days to see if @Jay2023 responds with his update, if not my next update will hopefully as a married man. Please keep fingers, toes everything crossed. I have a therapy session this afternoon, didn’t fully adhere to the task set but today I’m hoping to tackle the betrayal and best way to heal that.

    Thanks Sammy you’ve been awesome mate, I’m an @ away if you need me. But I think you’ll be just fine , so enjoy the early butterflies and don’t let this drunken night derail you in anyway.

    #380820
    Tim
    Participant

    @Sammy1 I appreciate your understanding, unfortunately this will be my last post, at least for the foreseeable future. I do not have the time to dedicate or to really offer a listening ear and wisdom in the way I would like.

    Very proud of you doll, you did the hard graft by yourself. You really showed grit and determination to overcome the pain and not let the critic we all possess beat you down. You are capable of remaining true to your identity, and are looking to add to your happiness and not seeking happiness in someone or something! Kudos to you! I know you can only soar higher from here.

    I hope the new man in your life continues to cherish the wonderful woman you are. Sounds like a gent!

    Thank you for that update, I’m sure @Kkasxo and @Shelbyville are both doing great so try not to worry, focus on channelling that incredible caring ability and compassion on yourself and those who do remain present.


    @Dannydan
    Kudos to you too for the courage you showed in pursuing ‘B’ against the odds. You can live a life without the what if or regret. It takes incredible strength to admit you need help so you’re already leaps ahead than most.

    Oh the sleepless nights are tough not to mention the cost of nappies and formula! Expensive raising a child, however I’m blessed with a beautiful daughter and wife so remind myself to be grateful.

    I don’t have much free time sadly but to answer your question without creating more. Depression has no cure, it’s not something you just outgrow or treat once and it disappears. There is always that risk of having another episode as you are predisposed. For example when I became redundant although i was better equipped at handling my emotions due to growth, it was still overwhelming enough to cause another episode.

    If identified, it is treatable, so I took the right steps instead of ignoring the issue and was put on medication for short duration. I now also keep on top of my self care.

    The major factor in my treatment plan has been my partner, she has an innate emotional understanding, she just makes any episode less daunting and is capable of handling it without me fearing asking for help, she will never consider me weak, so I never feel the extra pressure to hide anything or put on a mask – this itself can be so draining.

    I’ve found someone who understands it’s a part of me and is able to support me. Most often she can detect it before me and it all makes a huge difference. The key thing is not to just take and learn self sufficiency, do everything possible to be a rock for her, appreciate and value your partner that when the going gets tough they can give extra if necessary. So it works. Someone who accepts you will not be afraid to speak or explore your darker side. I think you’ve really found that with ‘B’ so don’t worry. Just keep it balanced.

    Sammy and Danny , shine bright and all the best for your journey. Practice gratitude, humbleness and continue to challenge each other to grow. Pleasure to have encountered you both!

    #380822
    Sammy
    Participant

    @Tim1 I have so much love for you as a person! Wishing you the best of the best. Thank you for everything. Your insightful essence and wisdom will not be forgotten!

     


    @Dannydan
    Sure thing! I have everything; my fingers, toes, knickers 🤣 all crossed for you! Please please do post an update and make sure you tag me. Feels like leaving school! Going to miss our random chats but I think we are both in a good headspace and that’s what counts. Stick to the tasks your therapist sets, you’ll progress quicker. Take a deep breath on the wedding days. Don’t let anyones stupid jibes ruin your day. It’s about you and B. You found your way back through courage so carry that courage to savor every moment. I wish you the most beautiful day, please do reply with how it all went. I’m dying to hear. Take care 💕

     


    @Jay2023
    don’t know what happened but I’m here just tag me. I’d love a conclusion to your journey too. I hope you are doing well and the exes birthday didn’t throw up too much mixed emotions. Always here x

    #380854
    Danny
    Participant

    Ahahaha @Sammy1 you are hilarious! I will be back with an update. I promise. A lot to juggle, haven’t even got my suit yet eek that’s why I can’t post regularly even though you’re a good laugh and always keep me grounded! You look after yourself and don’t be getting too drunk and randy!


    @Tim1
    you’re a legend. Thanks bro for the honesty. I will invest in self care as I don’t want to over burden ‘B’ but like your missus she’s golden and has that natural ability to make me feel understood with her experience and emotional intelligence.

    She isn’t looking to change who I am. She makes me grow through inspiration and no judgment,  I don’t feel the desperation to appease to keep, like I did in my previous relationships. So I’m not going to worry too much about a possible episode, she’s got me. Good luck for the future,  you’ll make a smashing dad!

    .@Jay2023 leave an update bro even if you don’t want to talk just so Sammy and I know you’re okay at least

     


    @Rhaenys
    hope you’re doing okay and focusing on you and not worried by the recent guy. Don’t go looking for something to fill the void, let it find you. You have done a lot of inner work too so it will pay off. I’m sure of it. Good luck!

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 5 days ago by Danny.
    #380856
    Danny
    Participant

    @Jay2023 didn’t @ you properly above. Good luck bro. Speak soon. Really hope things are calm for you.

    #380857
    Jay
    Participant

    Hello guys, I hope everyone is well, to let you all know I’m in a much better place mentally and a lot more content with life now. Last few weeks with things adjusting to a new normal and been able to reconnect with a lot of people, I feel like I’m getting back to my sociable self and able to laugh and joke without feeling any sadness.

    My exes bday did pass and I decided to not contact her, I feel now its firmly in the past as enough time has passed that’s its better that way, also the way I feel about the way I was treated and made to feel over the last couple of years I would rather just not have any contact anymore so yes tonnes of progress made with the mindset and nc has ultimately helped me move on in a reasonable amount of time, I have seen some pictures on SM and not to sound shallow but I feel I’m not as physically attracted as I was, nearly every person I’ve seen has said how well I look which has been brilliant for my self esteem and confidence and that I’m going in a good direction.

    Danny and Sammy you was quite right there was a romantic interest that came about! I met someone through a friend and have been chatting and spent some time with her, it is a complicated situation as she has not long split up with her ex and she is clearly not over him so at this time I’m being firmly grounded and not having expectations but have been comforting each other in how we’ve been affected by our previous relationships, it’s also clear there is chemistry and attraction. It has done me the world of good because she is an attractive girl and has a very kind nature and has helped me realise that I can like someone as much as I did my ex and also with this person I can be myself and be liked for who I am rather than trying so hard to seek approval. This may not work out and that’s OK because I do feel this has been a key moment in being confident enough to move on and not look back.

    The therapy still hasn’t materialised lol, I feel I may not need it as much as I did but I’m still going to go ahead because I don’t want to remain on the medication forever and I know it will help me in preparation for when I do eventually come off of them.

    So I’m sorry I’ve kept you all in suspense for a long period of time! I guess with the way my feelings have been changing I just wanted to let it happen without over analysing things but I am a lot happier in myself and not feel I need someone to provide that for me, work has been a lot more relaxed, lots of early finishes in this lovely weather!

    Honestly reading through and seeing the tagged posts to see how I’m doing I feel overwhelmed with the thought and care especially after being absent over the last few weeks.

    I hope Danny the wedding goes to plan and you and b have an amazing day, good luck with everything mate, you deserve it! Sammy I hope everything is going well in your new home and relationship! And Rhaenys I hope all is well with yourself also.

    #380859
    Danny
    Participant

    @Jay2023 bro I’m so stoked you posted this week, I was going to log out for a while at the end of the week. Good to hear from you and great it is all so positive!

    I knew it was another woman! Should have put a wager on it ahaha you sound confident, and self assured. Yes, that often happens when the feelings wear off, I look at my ex now and think was i really that attracted to you? It’s like their behaviour and actions make them ugly. She’s not to be fair but I don’t see that beauty in her anymore.

    New lady sounds like a top lass. Kind nature FTW! You can’t go wrong with a golden heart. Mate this is just brotherly advice, tread carefully. From my own journey I can tell you ‘B’ and I had the same vibe, chemistry but the timing was wrong so she got hurt. The best thing she ever did was step back when she did it allowed space for us to come back to each other. I came back to her when I knew I was fully available and ready to commit to this incredible woman. She was gracious enough to give it a chance and we couldn’t be happier. So timing is just as important!

    I was emotionally unavailable still due to my past, if this woman has recently split with her ex, let me tell you right now you’ll only be a rebound, crutch or a void filler until she’s dealt with the baggage and healed. If there’s potential for more then create some distance and remain detached otherwise it will get messy and you’ll both end up hurt.

    I’d advise you to go to therapy, your feelings do change so get to the bottom of it so you can have the tools to cope and be the best version of yourself inside and outside of a relationship.  I’ve found it amazingly useful.

    Thanks for the wishes,  keep everything crossed for me. Keep us on the loop bro, I will come back. Bask in the sunshine whilst we got it. Speak soon mate!

    #381220
    Sammy
    Participant

    @Jay2023

    JAYYYYYY! You didn’t tag me so I didn’t know you had updated us. Thank you for posting so sorry for the delayed response! So nice to know you are feeling more positive!

    It’s really good to hear from you we were very worried and also full of anticipation for your developments . How are you doing now? I knew it , I knew it you had someone make you realise how good it can be! Tell me more lol

    I hope you are okay still , I know days can be up and down but I’m still here if you want to talk. If you’re all good then just let me know so I don’t look out for your posts x

    #381261
    Sammy
    Participant

    @Jay2023 let me know if you will be posting on here or whether I should sign out.


    @Dannydan
    todays news indicates weddings will go ahead, so I’m super excited for you. Have the best magical day ever!

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