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Trying to deal with anxiety and loss after relationship break up

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  • #379120
    Rhaenys
    Participant

    I agree with Jay…

    I’m confused too. You showed you care, you send her a message. It’s understandable that your place is a mess, as you were worried and in anxiety..  And I agree you should talk before you have sex.

    Now she is the one who seems to act more immature and doesn’t communicate. She asks for space, but comes to your place, then runs away and asks for space again. I don’t think you did nothing wrong today.

    What seems to me, it’s that she may feel insecure. Maybe this situation has reminded her of her insecurities about how your relationship ended the first time. And she may be scared it could happen again. You describe her as if she is perfect, but as I said to you earlier, I agree she may be a wonderful girl, but no one is perfect. So she may have her insecurities too. It seems to me she cares about you but she is scared.
    I also remember, she did not reply immediately when you first contacted her and asked her to meet, months after the break up.

     

    #379121
    Danny
    Participant

    @Jay2023 I don’t get it bro we’re getting married soon or at least i thought so @Sammy1 if you pick this up I would appreciate your advice too. I feel livid mate one moment because it felt like a test but then I’m so sad becausel this is not her at all. She’s never sobbed like that @Rhaenys you mentioned she didn’t answer right away, no one would just take you back after being nc for that long. It takes time to reflect so when we reconciled, she was fair and kept me informed that she was thinking it over, she got back to me as she said. I know she’s not perfect. No one is but I’m at a loss. I know I said some things I shouldn’t have initially but this behaviour is out of character for sure.</p>

    #379123
    Sammy
    Participant

    @Dannydan I am so sorry you’re having such a hellish week. I’m so sorry I couldn’t reply sooner. @Jay2023 and you have a bromance brewing there and I’m so glad you were leaning on each other. I know female advice doesn’t always hit the mark.

    She’s not testing you, I would be astounded if she was based on what we know of her character, so don’t go down that path or think those dangerous thoughts like you did the first time and thought she was only with you out of pity🤦🏼‍♀️ leading to resentment. It will make you lose trust in each other and harm your relationship unnecessarily.

    It appears she is scared and feeling very vulnerable. Why is the magic question? I’m sorry I can’t answer that for you unfortunately.

    Sometimes even though normally you share great communication it can be difficult to talk through more deeper rooted conflict right away and come to a quick resolution as you usually do. The positive sign is she hasn’t ignored you, she is trying to remain mature and she came to see you the same day she finally read the text. I think she needs time until she feels strong enough to put it into words, all you can do is be patient. I think from the non verbal communication it’s safe to say there is actually still a lot of love there.

    To her this fight from the very beginning felt bigger than it did to you and then the rookie mistakes you made added to it, it has definitely triggered something deeper and troubled her.

    Like I said as women we detect the smallest of things but overlook them but when something like this happen it just magnifies everything.

    Also when you’re as close as you two are (your emotional connection is definitely deep) A fight especially your very first big fight can feel like a real major threat to your sense of security or bond.

    I’m sure you’ve heard of make up sex? You were musing about the other one – break up sex to @Jay2023 lol.

    Unlike break up sex which quite often is to pump and dump and leaves you feeling used.

    Make up sex in a committed relationship can be very healing. She didn’t turn up to test you or even with the intention to have sex (because you two haven’t gone all the way yet.) But that doesn’t change the chemical reaction that can occur especially if you share a deep emotional intimacy things can start getting out of hand without you even knowing. It’s why make up sex is x10 more passionate.

    I know this first hand, in that moment she was most likely feeling distress, I bet you she just wanted to feel close to you and comforted and it just ensued.

    Just like you she’s human mate, you need to remember that. Maybe the standards you’ve come to expect have started to overwhelm her. She may be strong majority of the time but everyone of us has insecurities and fears.

    It is these fears that can activate a persons biological attachment system, which is your body’s way of naturally wanting you to get close again to your loved one.

    The hormones your body releases when you’re afraid are the exact same as when you’re turned on so transfer can occur.

    You did the right thing in NOT letting it escalate that far. It would have been great sex but she definitely would have regretted the timing. I am sure you both want that first moment to be special and not off the back of an argument.

    In fact I’m really proud of you Danny. You’ve come such a long way. You could have taken advantage of her vulnerability in that moment, especially since you described yourself as a red blooded male in your first post. When things have calmed down, she will thank you and respect you even more. I can promise you that. Both @Rheanys and @Jay2023 I’m sure concur. You made the right choice.

    A silver lining for you and to cheer you up, the Hopper and Joyce quip made by your friend does hold alot of weight. You seriously do need to “bang” already, so I hope the wedding is sooner rather than later.  Yes I believe there will be a wedding, once you two numpties sort things out! When married you’ll continue to butt heads it’s normal, but the good news is those will inevitably result in you two experiencing throes of passion for sure lol!

    Conflict increases sexual desire in some it’s a known fact. Make up sex is a great way to calm things down, feel accepted and connected but you also have to talk things through. Otherwise it can turn like it did for a friend of mine and your partner will feel like a means to an end.

    Anyway I suggest you text her one more time and say something along the lines of “I want you to take all the time you need to be ready, but we have to talk this through, I’m worried about you because I love you. We’re a team, ready when you are” then clean up, smarten yourself up and show her the man she chose, be strong this time it looks like she needs it. Listen closely because there will be things said that I’m guessing you are unaware of that have been affecting her. Compromise. I am willing to bet my house, you two will resolve this.

    #379125
    Rhaenys
    Participant

    Well, I mentioned that one time, because obviously, she still did care for you, and she had to think, and I guess she also was a bit careful. So I think this time she wants to think too, and she is also probably careful and scared.

    I think she cares, and she is obviously attracted a lot to you. And she obviously did need physical touch and reassurance when she came.

    I don’t know.. I’m thinking if now would be a good time for you to reach out.

    #379127
    Danny
    Participant

    @Rhaenys sorry for being defensive. My brain is fried and I guess my feelings of protection for her kicked in.

     


    @Sammy1
    Before I start my reply. I just want to say thank you so much I know your weekend was busy and I hope your bf had a great birthday, to take time out for me – I’m beyond grateful. @Jay2023 doesn’t give himself credit. He has really been helpful to me more than he knows and I don’t know about him, but I felt we bonded.

    That insight is incredible. I just panicked and saw it as a test (my own insecurities) but what you wrote is eye opening. I’m going to text her now. I’ve not contacted her all day but I trust your advice. And I do deserve answers but maybe I do need to be strong for her especially if her internal worries are making her behave so out of character. Thank you for stabilising me when I felt like I balloon that has had the air let out. I’ll let you know an update.

     

     

    #379130
    Rhaenys
    Participant

    @Dannydan, no worries. I did not mean to criticize her, not at all. I was just trying to guess how she feels, based on the last time she hasn’t replied immediately.

    But I’ve been once put on pedestal in one friendship, and then when I did one thing wrong it backfired a lot, because other person thought I was perfect. And that felt really hard on me. So doing that sometimes makes things worse for the other person. Such high expectations are really high to achieve sometimes.

    So I just wanted to let you know that I think she may be feeling scared and insecure, so that you could show her how much you care for her, as I see you do. Wish you all the luck. Sammy said everything I think too. And I understand how she feels, because you haven’t still been able to communicate to each other what happened that day, so her feelings (if Sammy and me are right) are understandable.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by Rhaenys.
    #379132
    Danny
    Participant

    @Rhaenys I hope you don’t feel I dismissed your posts. I’m very sorry for being defensive and I am grateful to you too for helping and putting your female pov across which at times was similar to @Sammy1. Things sometimes get lost in translation. I’m sorry. I wish you all the best with your date too and glad you’re meeting up soon.

     

    I just want to add it is no reflection of you. I appreciate your input but I just turn to Sammy1 because she’s been here since day 1 of my TB journey so I feel a bond. A bit like I did with @Kkasxo. The same I felt with @Jay2023 over last few days because having a guy tell you, you’re not crazy for the wag you feel and he’s just as confused is reassuring believe it or not! Men don’t get to do that often. It makes you feel like you’re not alien or a crappy man. So I hope you understand.

    #379164
    Rhaenys
    Participant

    Hello @Dannydan

    It’s ok, I completley understand you bonded with the, they posted here much more. I’m not sure if you still wish my input in future, I’m going to do as you wish.

    Thank you for best wishes for my meeting.

    #379166
    Sammy
    Participant

    @Rhaenys well done for asking for a meeting face to face, it is the only way to determine if it could become more. I know a lot of people over the pandemic who have been in long communication have done it out of boredom and will not be meeting once everything opens up so it is an encouraging sign he is trying to set a date. Let us know how you get on. I hope that you have developed a strong base of friendship that can flourish in person with chemistry. Good luck!

     


    @Jay2023
    how are you? Like really how have you been feeling? I read some of your posts to Danny and my heart kind of ached for you. Even if you are feeling lost , it’s part if your path, don’t avoid it. You’ll find in time you are surrounded by love, the ones who really care will not be afraid to come into the darkness, so just hold the hand that reaches out and let it guide you and pull you out into the light. They will bring brightness to shrink the dark away. You are more than your issues. Don’t let the negative thoughts we cling to stop you from seeing the real picture. If you want to talk, I’m always more than happy to if you prefer to talk to Danny that’s okay too. As long as your growing and taking something away.

    I also want to say the biggest fattest thank you possible. Your personalised birthday idea of message in bottle really helped bring my bf and I more closer than ever. I didn’t realise how much impact so thoughtful and personal can have on men, my ex never appreciated sentiments like that. It felt lovely to do something with effort and thought and it was valued whilst reminding them of their value too. You did that, I would have probably gone for the easy option of aftershave because it’s so early in our relationship but your advice worked wonders, if you care you shouldn’t be afraid to express it. Thank you so much Jay!

     


    @Dannydan
    you’re very welcome, sorry I couldn’t get back to you earlier but let us know how you’re feeling or doing. I’m back at work so tag me. Just breathe and remember she loves you. You love her. That’s bigger than this fight. Way bigger!

    #379168
    Jay
    Participant

    Morning everyone, thank you for your kind words, I’m glad I’ve been able to make useful contributions to the thread when you was all so helpful to me when I was going through the worst of it.

    Danny I’m glad my posts helped when you’ve had such a difficult few days, I don’t wish them situations on anyone and it’d hard not to start blaming yourself when it’s not even I’m your control and I felt you definitely needed to be reminded of that, although you made an a insensitive comment I feel you will get to the bottom of what’s going on and things will be better for it in the long run, hoping that all levels out for you in the coming days bro.

    Sammy I’m so glad your bf liked the message in the bottle gift! As you said the thought that goes into a gift like that is powerful and also something you can keep forever rather than aftershave etc, I recall last year my ex was having a tough time with her kids and being isolated from the first lockdown I sent her a silver plated rose with a sweet little message engraved and she appreciated that at the time, I like to think she would keep that and have a reminder of a sweet gesture.

    I know I’ve not really commented on my own feelings recently because if I’m honest it is slowly getting easier as time goes on, it’s kind of a sad feeling knowing it’s fading away and she’s pretty much gone from my life now but at the same time it’s good to not have anxious feelings constantly and also to not keep thinking about what’s going on in her life, I am still curious of course about how she is because I think I will always care about her know matter what has happened and how things have turned out.

    I did actually match someone on tinder and have a long conversation with them, the distance is quite far and if I’m honest I don’t really feel like I would like to go any further than just chat at the moment. However it was good to know that I could have a conversation and flow with it, just reinforces that when I do feel like I want to I have nothing to worry about, was a good confidence booster.

    I’ve done well over the last couple of weeks, kept my spending to a minimum so I can try save for my goals, my appetite seems to have returned to normal now so I will definitely have to up my gym sessions! Also I’m getting more sleep although I still wake up first things with anxiety it does seem my body is coping with things a lot better than I was.

    So on the whole I’m not exactly happy and in the best place because I do terribly miss her from my life still but things are moving in a better direction and I’m slowly but surely getting there lol

    • This reply was modified 1 week ago by Jay.
    #379171
    Sammy
    Participant

    @Jay2023

    You’d be surprised Jay, my ex who i always did thoughtful gestures for never really appreciated it. He would even say stuff like you do too much. Like stfu and appreciate the gesture, I’ve chosen to do it because I care that should mean something lol. So I doubt he kept anything for sentimental value. Did your ex do something as sweet for you at least?</div>
    <div dir=”auto”>
    I was reluctant to do it for my new partner but to finally experience that deep and real appreciation shows how it should be. He soaked in the effort, showed me how much he valued it and that meant the world. It has helped let down some walls i had up because I was scared. So thanks Jay for the inspiration. It’s brought my bf and I closer.

    That’s fantastic the negative feelings are starting to fade, you’re reaching acceptance slowly but surely like you said.

    I don’t know how to react to your Tinder match lol. In one way it’s good you’re making connections and it’s boosting your confidence. Just as long as you’re aware it will not fill any voids in the long run. I hope it’s not a validation thing. Because you know you’re totally worth it and any woman who has such a thoughtful man in her life would be so lucky.

    Anyway we like to hear your happy news too. This thread isn’t for when we’re feeling shit only. The happy moments can be hope for others reading and struggling.

    What was the conversation like with your new match, I mean it’s Tinder so it is likely to be casual but do you like her and think the distance could become insignificant? Are you planning on meeting in person?

    So glad your anxiety has eased off, it’s okay to miss someone you know, that is not the same as wanting to have a relationship again. She was part of your life and you’re compassionate for not just discarding her like an old toy, it shows your feelings of care are pure and genuine. I’m sorry it wasn’t reciprocated but that doesn’t diminish what you felt. She didn’t choose you but it can never take away from what a good person you are for still wanting her to be happy even if you can’t be a part of the equation. Give it some time and maybe you can be friends?

    Romantic feelings will inevitably die down and fade with time because a lot of the time it needs physical intimacy and chemistry even if that’s cuddles or holding hands to sustain it.

    I noticed you said to Danny, that the people you want to be romantic with end up as deep platonic friendships. As woman I may be able to help you here if you want

    • This reply was modified 1 week ago by Sammy.
    #379225
    Danny
    Participant

    Another long post @Jay2023 @Sammy1. When I was younger and a bit MORE immature I used to scoff at women that I dated writing essay texts but I’m humbled today. Writing has been healing and this very thread has changed me for the better. So if any of you are daunted by walls of text. Please bare with me ahaha.  

    Do I feel like the biggest dick or what! So gutted and disappointed in myself. Sammy, you were right, women really do absorb a lot of our flaws because they love us, until that one moment and it may be trivial in the grand scheme of things but it does enough to overwhelm them and question how much they mean.

    Yesterday evening I ended up going around to her place. I contemplated texting her on Mon night but decided after the incident that afternoon to give her the day of space and deal with it in person. I also couldn’t face another day of staring at the screen for bloody ticks to turn blue. Patience isn’t my strongest point and I had to see her.

    I did a really stupid thing though, I let myself in (I have keys too) she was in the kitchen doing the dishes and I startled her. I started to nervous laugh because I was expecting her to be mad but after the initial reaction she seemed exhausted to react further, I think she was just relieved it was me and not an intruder.

    I apologised for startling her but made it clear I would not be moved until we had talked things through. It was a risky move, I went in the lounge and parked myself there and waited. I was half expecting her to ask me to leave – which I would have done if she insisted, but she didn’t. What felt like hours but was only about 10 mins later, she brought me coffee in a funny mug and I knew we were going to make headway – she always serves me one in this funny mug when we have something long or serious to discuss it’s become our thing.

    When she sat next to me, I knew she wasn’t quite ready to start talking and I remembered what Sammy had said, in distress you seek closeness, so I just said come here, we don’t need to talk right away and caressed her, she stayed in my lap like that for a while, it didn’t go unnoticed by me a week ago we were cuddling like this and things went horribly wrong.

    I slowly began to coax her into conversation, I said I would tell her my side and vice versa and we would just listen to each others feelings calmy and see how it goes.  I told her how I realised where I went wrong. Why I reacted like that, how the wound of the ex and ex best mate is not fully healed so I don’t want to rush into any decision it was something i had to do on my own terms as they hurt me not the other way around but I loved appreciated her forgiving and golden heart. I told her no sex was not a rejection of her but me trying to respect her knowing it wouldn’t be right to take advantage. I told her I didn’t like taking space and was sad that our communication had gone out the window.

    She said when the argument happened, she was taken aback by my tone, although we had bickered before, it was not as aggressively and to have a big argument close to our wedding was worrying when you’re supposed to be excited. She said hearing ‘controlling’ was very painful. She never once had pushed me to change in anyway and had from the very beginning accepted me. She said all she ever offered was a different perspective and encouraged growth in a good way.

    She said she feared that I was feeling resentful in some way. It did take her back to the first time and knew that we were both so much more invested now and her intrusive thoughts were scary.

    She said she was already aware her culture was dictating certain things for the wedding so she had tried to take on even more of the load to stop me from feeling overwhelmed but in the process she herself had began to feel like she was drowning and pulled in all directions.

    She said the fairytale wedding she always dreamed of no longer appealed to her (this made me feel sad as I’ve been moaning so much I’ve taken the joy out of it for her too) she said if it was up to her she would elope. But she came with family whom she has always prioritised, it was important for them to celebrate the milestone. It felt to her that I was not embracing that aspect of her as much anymore.

    She’s right because selfishly i love it when it’s just the two of us we just get so lost in our own bubble. I’m family oriented but her family dynamic is very different to mine. It’s not just parents and siblings it’s extended family which I have never really experienced and many more obligations. In one way it’s inspiring and beautiful but in others it’s daunting when it comes to events.

    She said as her fiancé the very least she expected was I’d want to be more involved, supportive but every task was met with a moan (@Jay2023 I don’t know if you are the same but I realised I despise the fuss around these events. I look forward to the moment she walks down the aisle and we cement our union but the rest I’d quite happily skip!)

    She said she had wanted me to WANT to do things not feel like she was guilting me. Also realised the fact I wasn’t instinctively would mean in future she may have to struggle alone.

    This had all been brewing and after the argument she felt like she needed to pause. To reflect, but had not intended to do so for a whole week. Just that evening and when I didn’t message her that evening it began that spiral for herself, it strengthened the feeling I didn’t care in the same way she does about me. Basically Rhaenys and Sammy you were right.

    She said she switched off her  phone but as soon as she saw the message she wanted to resolve things, so got ready to come over right away and that’s why she didn’t bother replying to the text.

    Sammy you were on the money about the reason things escalated in that moment. She definitely was very distressed by things and feeling everything slipping away from her and wanted to feel close again. She was mortified with herself not me, she said her own actions took her by surprise. She said in that moment she desperately wanted to be consumed by me. She thanked and agreed it would have ruined it for both of us. I reassured her it wasn’t a rejection. I told her I love her more than she feels, and after all this time it wouldn’t have felt right even if my body has been yearning for her, I so badly wanted to and she could tell I was feeling it in that moment too. So she did this little thing which she always does when she wants to give reassurance or affirmation that our time will come, she reaches for my hand, entwines our fingers and strokes my hand and kisses it, so small but feels so good it floods my heart with warmth.

    She agreed seeing the state of the place concerned her too. She didn’t say this next part but I bet she thought I was behaving like a man child. I wanted to interrupt her and say the anxiety had driven me to be a mess but bit my tongue and I’m glad I did because what came next was the most heartbreaking part.

    She said usually taking on so much wouldn’t bother her but something had happened that I wasn’t aware and she was protecting me from it.

    She said it was the next part that was consuming her the most and she wanted me to listen carefully she had really contemplated whether going ahead with the wedding was wise. That was not because her love had reduced in any way she still loved me as much as she did from the beginning if not more but she couldn’t shake the feeling that what may happen would be an unfair burden on me. I can’t share exactly what it is she made me pinky promise to keep it between us for now and I don’t want to betray her trust even though this is an anonymous forum because it is so personal to ‘B’. I haven’t got my head around it myself yet.

    For me to call her controlling given the context, on top of whining about trivial things like if we really need wedding favours and acting like a man child, when she has needed stability and strength, I feel I have failed her. It hurts. It really does. I know I’m not a mind reader but I’m her fiancé I should have known sooner something was off.

    I kept myself together. Just squeezed her so tight. I told her even though I falter. I wanted her to remember my love for her was solid and nothing would break through it now. We made a pact, no matter how confronting things get, we would share everything and try not to think we needed to protect one another, instead fight it together. I told her we can never ever go to sleep on an argument ever again and this although painful was needed and we were stronger together than apart.

    We kissed and by the end we were drained, she fell asleep in my arms. I carried her upstairs but all night I lay holding her and the floodgates just opened. I love her so much, I couldn’t stop the tears because I’m sad I keep failing her. She doesn’t deserve any of this. I don’t want to hurt her. I hate hurting her. I don’t know what to do to fix it. I’m just a mess at times, does she deserve a person like me? That was it guys and I’m guessing you too realise what a dick I’ve been. This morning she was so chirpy but I’m stunned inside. I need to come with an action plan help me guys. I don’t want to keep letting her down she needs me more than ever.


    @Jay2023
    Bro thank you so much for the support over the past week. I hope you don’t disappear, you kept me in good spirits. You saved me from having to seek help from my brother who takes no prisoners. My family love ‘B’ even more than me if that’s possible. So talking to you helped save face and disappointing more people.


    @Sammy1
    I don’t know how you could end up in the situation you did with your ex because your advice has been incredible! Your new partner is very lucky to have such an intuitive, intelligent woman. I know you are looking to fade away from the thread but can we hold onto you a little longer please? Is that selfish of me to ask?

    #379231
    Sammy
    Participant

    @Dannydan that’s karma for mocking those ladies literary efforts and feelings. I kid! Lol. Writing is very therapeutic for some especially women and it indicates they are engaged in conversation but like everything there needs to be a balance!

    So much can be misconstrued in written text without tone and body cues. Nothing beats a good old fashioned heart to heart in person.

    I want to say I’m here for you and @Jay2023 (I got invested in your boys journeys ☺) and sorry if it seems I’m distancing myself or slowly fading out. It’s not that it is just difficult to tell if you boys want me to continue conversation or just reply when toy need only. It’s no fun taking time out to put a post together and it’s not what you needed. So that’s why I said it would be easier to just message me and tag me so I’m not looking out for updates and I’m not annoying you or @Jay2023.

    Anyway, Oh Danny, that sounds like a very emotional reunion. Sometimes following the arbitrary rules is needed and sometimes there’s a time to do what is instinctive.

    I think after the events of Monday you instinctively knew that leaving it longer was not in either of your best interests or what she really needed. That proves you do know her better than you give yourself credit for. You also recognised he behaviour was out of character so although you made mistakes don’t be so self deprecating.

    I think us women are wired completely differently to you men and it requires effort and patience to figure each other out. We will fail our partners in our relationships, even when we don’t mean to do it.

    Sometimes, when we fail, there is no immediate fix. We can only recognise where we’ve gone wrong by being self aware, be humble enough to reach out apologise and make amends and most of all work to be better the next time. Both of you definitely are willing to work at it, you respect your commitment to one another and that’s what will make your love grow stronger.

    You’re so blessed to have a partner who forgives your shortcomings, and still loves you. It is up to you to not take that for granted. Keep showing her in ways she appreciates how much she means.

    I think the reason why you have managed to sustain this relationship without sex, is because she really understands your love language. Remember you thought it was sex you needed but you must realise now physical touch independent of sex is highly effective – so kissing, cuddles, the way she holds your hand is actually what is meaningful to you and she expresses that so well to you. I think you need to really understand what her love language is too. It might be a combo but explore it in order to express your appreciation in the best possible way.

    I understand you don’t want to reveal what ‘B’ has told you in confidence but reading between the lines, I sense that something is not well with her and I’m so sorry to hear that and will say a little prayer for you guys. All you can do now is be strong Danny. She needs you.

    I get your disinterest in weddings, I know you men don’t understand the fuss but for her try a little harder, do something special that she isn’t expecting or has arranged herself. It will make her feel you are invested.

    Also the family thing, I think you’re letting insecurities overrule here. You feel you’re not good enough for her still so it wouldn’t surprise me if you feel pressured to perform in front of them. Just be you. She chose you and she clearly accepts all of you. Let go of the idea you’re not enough otherwise you will do what you did the first time just sabotage it. You can’t keep expecting her to reassure you because it will one day come to a head if you’re doing it excessively. Resentment sets in. You want her to feel like a partner not a therapist or mother. So I think you should take a leaf out of @Jay2023 book and get therapy on this issue and dealing with fully healing the wound left by your ex and ex mate.

    I’m sure @Jay2023 can cast his own light and offer a male perspective and ideas. If I think of anything else I’ll let you know.

    Don’t hold onto this mistake and rake over it. It’s done and forgiven. You should now focus on growing from it and making full amends with her.
    For now after work, do something special or fun. It’s been a heavy week. Release those happy hormones and remind each other why you belong together ❤

    I will always root for this relationship because I see how much you want to grow, how much you love her and I see that she is an amazing woman who isn’t willing to give up on you. So don’t you dare give up on her. What you have is rare. Most people discard each other even when being together for years because there is never any solid commitment to keep working at the relationship and growing together in the first place.  X

    #379254
    Rhaenys
    Participant

    Hello


    @Dannydan
    , I’m not ignoring you, but I’m not sure if my input is welcome, as I asked, and you haven’t answered, so I will reply to your post only if you are okay with that. (I’m very glad for your reunion with B.)


    @Sammy
    I’m glad that the message in a bottle was a nice idea and that you had a nice weekend with your boyfriend.

    I was supposed to have a meeting with my chatting friend, but he suddenly started being weird, making excuses (rain, work) why we can’t come tomorrow, hasn’t contacted me on time and actually said he was confused and thought we didn’t have a deal. I read the messages again so I don’t think it was confusing.

    He was actually weird even the day before, and I didn’t pressure him to meet, I said we can but don’t have to, that I would just like to know whether to plan him or not. And then he said he does want to.

    So.. I don’t know what happened, he was really interested at first, more than me, I was kind of worried because of hour distance (had a boyfriend before in the same town and it didn’t turn out good). I was being sincere and told him that, he encouraged me and said that shouldn ‘t be a problem, and now suddenly he’s weird. Oh, I guessed that’s what happens on online dating. I was bummed and sad at first, then had a talk and evening with my friends (one of them also had a problem with tinder date), had a really good night sleep so I’m better now. I don’t want to pressure something that’s not going smoothly. At least the chatting that was going too long and frustrating recently will stop now, so  I kind of have a “clean slate”.

    Also.. I’m kind of proud of myself for stating and having my boundaries.

    #379255
    Rhaenys
    Participant

    @Jay2023, I’m glad things are going better for you. You sound much more better than last weeks.

    About the tinder match, I think it’s a good thing, that somehow it can be a sign of moving on. My last chat, even though did not end well, has helped me to kind of move on, to see there are other chances than my ex. So even if it was not succesful, it kind of opened my eyes I guess. I gave someone else a chance. It can do the same for you I think.

    • This reply was modified 5 days, 13 hours ago by Rhaenys.
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