1. I agree 100 percent about parenting styles. That’s the reason and cause for my forgiveness. My mom was not there for me when I was a kid because she divorced my dad and instead chose to find her own happiness. She marries a man who didn’t give a shit about me. Forward almost 40 years, everyone is trying their best. We haven’t talked about it simply because my parents don’t know how to open up. They keep me at an arm’s length and that’s fine. Yes, their absence during my early years caused a lot of damage, my real dad’s indifference hurt, but ny grandparents substituted and gave me the best possible life during those years. I was in fact a happy kid. Then we came to US when i was 13 and I started living with my parents. It didn’t work out and by 16 I was on my own. Over the years, through ups and down, we stuck together and after some terrible things happened to all of us together and independently, everyone has tried to stick together and be as open as possible. Our differences in our philosophy of life and who we are in general have been accepted by all parties involved. Yes, title kid in me is scared, but just like Jordan Peterson asks in his book, we have to be our own parents sometimes and treat ourselves as if we’re our own parents. I am doing what I can. I’ve softened up and I am learning about Buddhism and letting go. It’s been truly a freeing experience. I feel a 100 times, a million times, better inside. I’ve let go of most things and I don’t live in the past or the future. The problem is the my current situation is pretty tough. Last year I had cancer, lost my job that I loved, and had to file for bankruptcy. I’ve lost many friends because I wanted only real and decent people in my life. I am just tired and lonely (romantically speaking). I don’t get lonely because I am alone. I love spending time alone. I am just lonely because I haven’t touched another human being, romantically, in over 9 months and haven’t been involved with anyone in over a year. My friends are super busy with their own lives and while we see each other, I feel isolated. That used to be what reenergized me before. Having a partner gave me a purpose and helped me before. Right now it’s all me and just me. Thanks to not curve balls anymore. It’s knuckle balls and nasty off speed pitches that look good, but then sink shocking me back to reality. How long can I last? How long can this last? It’s been 4 years since mt wife left and everything has fallen apart. I was doing well and then fell even deeper when Covid hit. I am not tired physically. I can recharge mt body through exercise. I feel exhausted inside my soul, if there is such a thing. The little boy just wants to be loved.