Dear Kitty:

Your parents are right: “It’s a crucial time for you.. focus on entrance”. Better you don’t get distracted by a relationship, and instead- focus on your exams and education. So many, many girls/ young women lose their way because of a supposed love that leads them to a life (a) without education and a career, without a way to make money and (b) without love, as the relationship fails to deliver its promise.

The girl feels like there is so much promise in a relationship, she focuses on it and… loses everything. So, please keep in mind the first priority in front of you: exams, education, career.

As far as Sid: (1) no reason to tell him about Jake, it is not his business: there is no relationship in your life at the moment that requires your loyalty to this or that man. He may be possessive of you.. but he doesn’t have the right to be possessive of you. Plus, no reason to trouble him with something that is not his right to know.

(2) I don’t think that Sid is a good candidate for a future relationship because while in a (limited)  relationship with you, “when we both were in the same city for 9 months, he only came to meet me once or twice”- this is a poor relationship performance on his part: I give him a Fail grade. His motivation to see the girl he claimed to be in a relationship with was poor and did not propel him to do what it takes to see her. This may be an indication of him having poor relationship motivation & performance later on, if you were in a relationship with him again.

If I was you, I would figure Sid out of your future (“Wanna figure out the future” is in the title of your thread). You want a man with a relationship grade of a B or an A, not an F. If a communication with him as a friend-only is not possible, and if the communication with him troubles you, as it currently does  (“I am stuck in this situation”) ,then better you end all communication with Sid.

*By the way, how is it that you don’t know if he came to see you 1 time or 2 times, don’t you remember?

In regard to Jake, he seems more promising than Sid, but don’t zero in on him as The One. Instead, think of him as a possible One, someone to evaluate later on, as a candidate for a relationship. He is a better candidate than Sid, but there may be better candidates that you didn’t yet meet.

The reason Jake is a better candidate is because he “has this mindset from the beginning that he wants to date after he’s in college”- indicating to me that (1) he may be a responsible young person and that (2) he has better relationships with his parents (he doesn’t hide a romantic relationship from his parents, and does not sneak behind their backs, like Sid did).

A man who has a good, trustworthy relationship with his parents is likely to be a good relationship/ marriage candidate than a man with a troubled relationship with his parents.

anita