Dear TeaK,

Thank you for your reply. I read recently 90% of the world’s population were beaten as kids.  I don’t know why it is so difficult to accept that we were abused as children, why instead of facing to what happened, we just accept it as love and keep reliving or reenacting what happened in the past, making others (next generations, our partners) or our health pay the price. Most likely, both.

I guess part of it is because we still want to cling to that love that all children really need to survive. We can’t let go of the illusion that we were not always loved or that we were not loved at all in extreme cases…

The reason why I knew the way I was treated wasn’t respectful or “right” is because I know it deep down, my whole being, every cell in my body knows what was wrong. And I promised to myself i would never hit my own children no matter what they do.

But mistreatments and abuse are way beyond and much more complicated than just physical harm caused to children. Silent treatments, emotional blackmail, power control, withdrawals, judgements, demands.. Why are children brought up this way? Why do we damage the most innocent beings in such cruel ways and they just turn a blind eye to everything and want to be loved by anyone…It is all very sad but also incredibly awakening for me as I am not a parent yet luckily and I absolutely understand the full moral responsibility of being one now. I know I must work out through my own traumas and issues, so I pass none of that onto my children. So I never live in the past. So I can respond to all challenges in life with my present needs and emotions, and not past reactions. so I don’t ever hurt another human being, because I have unresolved issues from my childhood/past/ early life conditioning and traumas.

I genuinely want to break free from my past. The work on myself is constant and part of me wishes there was a way to end all the problems in one go.

All emotions whether it is anger or forgiving a person (if it comes from a place of compassion and not self-illusion) have a place in our psyche and relationships. I guess the trick is to develop that emotional competence and foster it in our children.