Dear Boris1010:

Thank  you for sharing your zoom meetings experience, heard of it of course, never experienced one.

What I get from your recent post is that your wife cemented her idea of you in her own mind and she  keeps bringing up that idea when talking and interacting with you. She sees you with stale eyes, in the same old way as always, and because of that- in the context of your relationship with her- you are cemented, bound to her idea of you and imprisoned in it.

In contrast, your former AA friend saw you with fresh eyes (“To be seen with fresh eyes”), and that allowed you a measure of freedom from your wife’ stale idea of you, freedom “to be fully and authentically who I am”- you had a glimpse into the possibility of being more than your wife’s stale idea of you.

“Of course, I know that the point, the use, is for me to improve myself for myself”- we are social beings, or as the song says: we are people who need people, can’t help it. To be free to be you, it has to be in the context of a close relationship with another person, and unfortunately, your wife ain’t it.

anita