Dear TeaK,

Thank you again for your reply on my previous threads,

You said:

“It shows you were a resourceful and smart kid. You solved your own problem when the adults, including psychologists, couldn’t for full 4 years. Thanks to that, you can now eat almost anything, as long as you drink water with it. That’s not a small success! In the next phase, you can try techniques such as EMDR and EFT (tapping) because they are supposed to work with these types of traumas. Look it up if there’s a therapist who applies EMDR or an EFT practitioner in your area and inquire if they can treat a problem with swallowing.”

= Thank you for complimenting me as a resourceful kid, although at that time i dont really think about the water… the method just suddenly appeared in my head. And also thanks for sharing regarding the therapy techniques, i’ll try checking it out and research if there’s a suitable therapist.

You said:

“Rest assured you’re not the only one in the world with this problem. There are people who can’t swallow either due to physical or psychological issues, and I am sure you could find them online if you’re interested. But you’re definitely not the only one, don’t worry.”

= Yep, i’ve tried finding some on youtube… and yeah there are also people with this issue…

You said”

“But it’s the result of how you were seen by your mother. It’s the result of her seeing you like a disappointment and a reason to worry. And then you started seeing yourself like a disappointment too, and behaving like a disappointment too.”

= Yeah she keeps regarding me as “a reason to worry”, tbh because she keeps doing everything for me… you could say that i’m now a “coward”… i have difficulties in being confident. But i didnt blame her, as i know she contributes more on my life than my father.

My father is so introverted and he’s a disciplined person (most of his employees in the office respected him), but he’s always serious, like no fun and at all, and that he doesn’t took care on child matters in his family …he left it to my mother., well he does talk with me and my little sister, but it’s just that he’s a “no fun dad” like the “strict dad” type… idk if he feels that being strict is a good way to discipline his kids… well you could say he’s doing great on making us discipline… like when we met older people we’d greet with respect but he never tries anything to make his family fun. I feel so irritated everytime i saw my friend’s instagram story on several events such as mothers day/fathers day. Like they posted a video of them laughing with their parents. Well our family do celebrate it but it’s just that we only eat together as a family and that’s it… my dad doesnt even try to make the event fun like giving my mom a cake and then smiled… weird right? Like even if he’s introverted and disciplined.. why can’t he do that? My dad isnt in good terms with his siblings and my mother is an only child… and on chinese new year most families gather… but we don’t… only 4 of us (me, my sister and my parents). Like how lonely can our family be? Only 4 person, and combined with no fun dad at all. Most people look forward in this kind of events, but i can never enjoyed it.

My father does well in his job and he’s successful, i respected him as the head of my family. But i can never talk deeply regarding my feelings… like it wont happen ever. Tbh i’ll feel “disgusted”… because it feels weird… never talk deeply since i was a kid. So i only talk deep feelings with my mother, because although she feels worried all the time about me.. but i feel closer to her.

You said:

“How did you do in school? And later at the university? Did you have good grades, or not so much? What did you study – is it something relevant for your father’s business? Is there a position in your father’s company that interests you the most? I am asking because you could help and work beside the employee who’s currently filling that position, and learn how to do it well, so you can take it over sometime in the future.

As you’re helping in the company, you may also be noticing what needs improvement, and can suggest ideas for improvement to your father. What I am trying to say is that if you’re interested in continuing your father’s business, you can start thinking about how to improve it, modernize it, expand it, innovate it etc… you could bring your personal stamp and contribution to the business. You might be surprised how resourceful and creative you are – just like that 7-year old kid who saw a bottle of water!”

= As in university, you could say that i’m an average student with an average score. I took business management degree as it’s requested by my parents and also because at that time i couldnt decide what degree i should take. Tbh there isnt any position in his company that i’m interested on as there’s not much roles in the company.

My father also owns an aquarium and fish shop and is successful, and one day he’ll inherit it to me… but most of the people i know, even many of my acquaintances like to make fun of fish…. and i feel shy to tell anyone i have an aquarium shop… and if i inherit it later on, i need to make sure many people know about that shop right? The shop is successful and i feel lucky that i can inherit it… but it’s that embarassment… i just cant. What if there’s a girl who also make fun of aquarium and fish, will she reject me because of this shop?

You said:

“When you stop seeing yourself as a disappointment, but as full of potential – things will start changing for you. Do you think you can do that? Do you think you can get rid of the “I am a disappointment” label, and put another one: “I am smart, creative and resourceful – I am full of great ideas”?”

= Yeah i can distract me mind into thinking that “I am smart, creative and resourceful – I am full of great ideas”, but i’m still not sure if i can hold it for long… because all my flaws are inevitable like e.g. my introverted dad and regarding this lonely family every time on events.

But still i would follow your tips and will try my best to stop thinking myself as a dissapointment… as not many people wanna hear my thoughts.. and you keep giving me solutions on my issue… it’s definitely a mood booster !