Dear Alexander:

You are welcome. Lots and lots of people struggle when it comes to confronting other people. Many are too afraid of how the people confronted will react, other are too afraid of their own anger, afraid it is too strong and will cause them to harm the confronted person, ending up in prison, and whatnot. Most people don’t know how to confront others in a way that is most likely to solve a problem and benefit the people involved.

Like all skills, confrontation skills can be learned. Here is a writing (typing) exercise that I suggest, and if you want to, you are welcome to do it here:

1) Take in a few slow breaths and tell yourself that this is just an exercise, and no confrontation is taking place. Every time during the exercise that you feel getting too angry, your breathing becoming fast and shallow, take a moment for a few slow breaths and tell yourself that this is only an exercise.

2) Choose one of the two situations you mentioned regarding your coworker: that you suspect that he dropped a piece of equipment and didn’t tell anyone that he did, or that you suspect that he lied about being sick and staying home.

3) Type the time and place for the planned confrontation.

4) Type what you will say to him so to introduce to him the situation you want to confront him with.

5) Type 2 or 3 responses that he may come up with following your introduction.

6) Type what you will say to each of his responses.

7) You can edit the above, or not and submit to me, and I will reply with what is next.

anita