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Reply To: Trying to find oneself again

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#380137
Anonymous
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Dear Ishita:

You were engaged in a college project and you didn’t see it clearly. You tried hard and harder and you still didn’t see it clearly: you either didn’t understand what the project was about, or you didn’t understand why you were doing it/ the value in doing the project (am I understanding correctly?)

If this is the case, then what happened next is you got alarmed, thinking to yourself something like: oh, oh, this is another proof that there is something wrong with me, that I am a screw up. (Am I understanding correctly)?

Next, you spent the whole semester anxious and miserable about the project. Next, you talked to a close friend and a few seniors and you realized that they too didn’t see clearly projects they were given in the past, which meant that you were not abnormal/ a screwup. You felt better but you regretted spending the whole semester being miserable about the project.

If I understood correctly, then first, it is important that you talk to good friends and seniors early on, and if academic/ emotional counseling on college campus is available- best you take advantage of it and get help when you feel unclear and alarmed sooner than later.

Second, notice that it is not the project itself that caused you all that misery, it is the alarm that you felt when you didn’t see it clearly. When you tried harder, and still didn’t see it clearly, you got more alarmed. Think of it as a fire alarm that was activated when there was no real fire. The alarm was activated by a thought, and nothing but a thought (“I am a screw up”), not by a real problem (you being brain-damaged or the like).

Does this make sense to you?

anita