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Dear Lily:
Accountable! Distracting is known to be a way to lessen anxiety- there are distractions that lessen the anxiety short term but overall harm the distractors (ex.: using powerful illegal drugs), there are distractions that are less harmful, but waste the distractor’s time (ex.: watching videos for hours when needing to complete a project), and there are healthy distractions that help the distractor (ex. taking a half an hour brisk walk when feeling stressed). Healthy distractions are taught as part of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.
Watching hours of video is self sabotaging behavior when it prevents you from completing projects on time, but like I wrote to you yesterday: I don’t think that there is a self-sabotaging intent in your behavior, that you are trying to prevent yourself from succeeding in life. As I see it, it is only about lessening your anxiety, and it is a habit.
So good to read that you sometimes feel: “happy with myself” and “satisfied with myself”- I wish you more and more of these experiences. I hope you have a better sleep tonight, Lily, good night!
anita