Amy I wished I have seen this before I called him today. I felt really weak. I couldn’t handle the pain so I guess I was looking for an instant gratification, which was to just hear his voice and thought maybe everything can be okay again and that the pain will go away.

I’m so disappointed in myself. He didn’t pick up so I thought oh well good thing. But he called back 2 minutes later and I picked up. I don’t really know what I was expecting him to say, but the conversation went badly.. He was like “you haven’t move on yet?”

He admits to missing us from time to time, but is firm that he doesn’t love me anymore. He said I was supportive of him in my own way, but not in the way he needed which was giving him space to be alone and independent. He prefers it to be how it is now, with us not contacting each other.

I ended up saying that maybe everyone was right. That he is undeserving of me and he probably just used me all of those years. All he said was “I guess so.”

And then it hits me, it REALLY is over. He didn’t care to defend himself, he didn’t care what I think of him. He just wanted me out of his life. The guy I once admire and respect is no longer there. He hates me.

I’m sick of feeling this way, and having everyone in my family worry about me so much. I’m sick of being the weak and pathetic one while he’s enjoying his life without me. I should be the one being angry and cold, not him. He should be the one begging me for a second chance, not the other way around. So I’ve decided, starting today I’ll try 100x even harder to be happy without him. Instead of looking for ways to avoid the pain like reaching out to him and hoping he’ll respond positively, I’ll just have to accept my pain and let it fuel my drive to improve myself and succeed.

Thank you amy, and previous posters for sharing your story and helping me through this. I just need to remind myself that I’ll be okay, I’ll always be okay. We will get through this 🙂