Hi Fe.

I was also in the same situation where he finally end it for good and did not want to work it out anymore.
I’m still not completely over the breakup but I am better than I was the day after the breakup. Here’s what I did and maybe it will help you too:

Like everyone else would suggest, the first step to moving on is grieving. It’s perfectly normal to cry; just cry it all out. I cried so much to a point where I can’t even shed a tear for him anymore even if I wanted to.

Then when my head is clear, after my “love goggles” are off and I can see things for what they really are, I made a couple of lists on my phone. A list of reasons why we’re not compatible (all the little and big things in the relationship that annoyed me but I ignored it because I wanted to be with him), a list of all the things I hate about him, and a list of hurtful things he said and done the days leading to, during, and after the breakup. It’s very common to miss that person after the breakup and think about all of the good memories you guys had, which may make you want to contact that person. But every time I get that urge now, I stop myself and go over these lists. It reminds me, “Why do I even want to get back with a person like that?”

Right after my breakup, I fell into a minidepression where I didn’t want to talk to anyone (except him), didn’t want to do anything, with anyone. My family encouraged me to hang out with them, I refused. But I thought to myself, why am I pushing away the people that DOES appreciate and love me and pine after someone who doesn’t care about me at all? In a way, I was being him to my loved ones! So I made an effort to be around others and hang out with them and it does help a bit.

Along with that, I’d dress up more often than usual when I go out. I don’t know about you but when I look good, I feel good. And getting compliments from other people reminds me that I am attractive, compared to how he made me feel when he dumped me.

I also threw away everything I had that remind me of him, drawings, pictures, anniversary gifts, clothes. Everything. Except one thing: a recent picture of him. I don’t know if this situation applies to you, but I wasn’t physically attracted to my ex at all when we first talked. It was his personality that I fell in love with, but he has proven that he’s not such of a great person in the inside either. So whenever I miss him or get the urge to talk to him, the picture reminds me that those good memories are things of the past, and now he’s just someone I’m unattracted to inside and out! It works every. time I look at it.

The last thing that is really helping me heal from the breakup is talking it out rather than bottling it up, especially with people who are going through the same thing as me.

I hope these things will help you move on from your breakup. Try to stay strong even when you don’t feel like it, and just post on here whenever you feel like you’re about to do something unproductive to your healing process such as contacting him.

Hi Cass.

As an outsider looking into your situation, all the signs that I’m getting are telling me that it would be better if you leave him alone. I really understand how hard this can be as I am too struggling with a similar situation (I posted a thread here recently).

The simple fact is this: If this guy REALLY wanted to be with you, he would have already made the move to do so. You guys keep going back and forth, back and forth. He wants to be intimate when it’s convenient, but then pushes you away the next day. Don’t you think you deserve someone who wants you all the time?

This guy clearly knows how you feel about him, yet he cannot reciprocate his feelings properly. You don’t deserve someone who hesitates and beat around the bush when it comes to the question whether he’ll be with you. If you try to push it, it will only end badly.

I really understand what you’re going through. My ex was my best friend for 2 years, I have never been so close to anyone as I have with him. He was there for me through everything. He was my source of happiness (very unhealthy). And when he wanted me out of his life when I pushed for more affection due to him being distant, I was broken.

It’s hard to completely let him go now, and you can’t just forget your feelings for him, but just try to gradually detach from him for your heart’s sake.

Think of it this way, if you distance yourself, he may really miss you and decide that he does want to be with you. But if it doesn’t affect his decision in not wanting to be official with you, then that’s also great. Why? Because it’s better to know sooner than say after a couple more years of emotional distress over this on and off thing between you guys.

You don’t need to make a big announcement that you’re going to back off, just do it. Focus on things that make you happy and learn to rely on yourself more. Over time you won’t feel like you need him so much and it will hurt less if he ever decides that he REALLY doesn’t want a relationship with you.

Cass, please feel better. I know it doesn’t feel like it now but there ARE people out there who are more deserving of your time. Someone who won’t pull on your heart strings so much, who doesn’t hesitate to be with you.

Hi Amy, I also went through a similar situation before my ex completely want me out of his life.

We had some petty arguments but unlike the past where we would work it out, he wanted a break. His reason was that he needs to find himself and his purpose in life, but promised me that when everything is settled, he’d come back to me because I’m someone he want to be with in the long run.
Over the break, I told him I wanted to make it work, and I wanted to be there for him, I didn’t want him to feel alone. Instead, it only made him want to prolong the break.

Like your ex, mine also switched his feelings completely and turned into an arrogant, uncaring individual. At first he explained it was not because of me, it was just a “lone wolf’ phase he’s going through, implying that he’s like that with everyone.
Eventually I found out that was not true, and the only person that he’s acting cold and arrogant to was me. In fact, while he was single, he was texting his friends about all these hot girls he saw and was actually flirting with one of his co-workers over the phone.

We actually got back together for 2 days, then he wanted to end it for real, saying we don’t get along anymore, denying that there are any other girls involved. Like you, I begged and pleaded, but he repeatedly said no.

You are so much stronger than I am, being able to pull off one month of no contact. I’m still struggling with not contacting mines, but for situation I think it would better if you just continue with no contact. Not to sound pessimistic, but no one knows what he’ll want after he “finds himself.” He may still want you, he may not. But if he still does wishes to be with you after he finds himself, he will reach out to you. It will hurt much less than if you stuck with him until he find himself and not choose you in the end.