July 8, 2013 at 12:58 pm #38187TeraParticipant
About a year ago I met this great guy and we had the most amazing time together for weeks. We connected so well and from what I could tell we had perfect chemistry that every minute together seemed so perfect. Then suddenly he changed into a different person. It was as if he started shutting me out of his life. He never said why. He just started treating me like a nobody loser as if nothing ever happened between us. Every time I contacted him or he contacted me I would share what was happening with me and do my best to hear what he said, but it seemed like he just didn’t really care or have any interest about me. It was so painful and I felt so worthless like I was beneath him. I asked him if everything was okay and if he didn’t want me to be in his life anymore but he said nothing was wrong. Eventually I started feeling like all that happened between us was a lie. Eventually I came to terms that whatever I thought was going to happen between us was never going to happen. It wasn’t easy but I accepted it. Also I realized that the only way I could love someone else again was to let go of wanting to be with him. It took me months but eventually I found a way.
Now after a year of no explanation, and rejection he suddenly wants to be with me, and be part my life again. He started changing back into the guy I was falling for, but I feel almost nothing for him anymore. He has become nothing more then a shallow acquaintance and the idea of spending time with him feels more like a chore then anything else. Even if he had a good reason for shutting me out and even if it wasn’t personal, I don’t think I could care about him the same way. If anything I would rather him just go away so I can start fresh again.
So I guess I am asking. Do you feel it’s possible to pick up with someone after you have been rejected by them and then suddenly wanted by them again?July 8, 2013 at 1:18 pm #38188LeinaParticipant
In my opinion, it’s possible to pick up with someone after you’ve been rejected by them but then they want you again, only if you BELIEVE he has changed and that there’s mutual interest in there.
But you said it yourself that you have absolutely no interest and that he’s more of a chore than anything, so moving on and starting fresh would be a much better idea for your situation. You deserve someone who knows they want you the first time around, not after he has test the waters elsewhere to find out you were the right choice.July 8, 2013 at 2:33 pm #38191TeraParticipant
I think you are right! He just wanted to test the waters. If I wasn’t good enough from the start then I’ll probably never be good enough for him. Thank you so much Leina!July 9, 2013 at 8:40 am #38263JeffParticipant
Is it possible? Sure. Is it likely? I don’t know. I think the fact that you feel its a chore and have little interest is your answer.
When I was first starting to go through my separation and divorce, I had an old girlfriend contact me and I was tempted to try and get back with her because I was feeling so alone. But a friend said something that really struck me- she was an EX girlfriend for a reason. Someone popping into your life after a year with no explanation and wanting to immediately get into a relationship again sounds… convenient. My best guess would be the girl he was cheating on you with (and yes- reading what happened, I do think thats the case) left him and now he’s thinking of you as his fallback option. You deserve far better than that.July 9, 2013 at 9:59 am #38272MattParticipant
Your words “if I wasn’t good enough at the start I will probably never be good enough for him.” seems like the wrong lesson. You opened your heart to him, he walked away from it. You moved on, and he came back. Now being with him feels like a chore. Love does not feel like a chore, even when we are doing chores. 🙂 Trust that… you moved on and don’t really want to hang out with him. That’s enough. It has nothing to do with good enough.
Perhaps there is something inside of you that fears being alone? I wonder what the inspiration to even consider being with him is about. If someone asked me if I was good enough to be with someone I didn’t like, I would say “why even consider that? I don’t want that” and move on.
MattJuly 9, 2013 at 12:22 pm #38276BobParticipant
In my own opinion and unfortunate experience, rejection is extremely painful. When your partner leaves you for another, which only lasts for a period of time and then they want to return to you. She would cry alligator tears and my desire for her would be stronger than good sense would allow for and once again I would take her back. These boomerang relationships take your emotions on a rollercoaster ride and it will kill your self worth over a long season. Almost like a wound that will not heal completely, she would rip my heart apart each and every time I took her back.
Physical and verbal abuse if given any reason to repeat itself can destroy you as a person. So many times I tried to rationalize why this was happening, was it my fault or did I truly deserve this treatment by her. I was allowing her to control me by my own actions, I was an enabler for my own pain and discontent. This fatal but intoxicating relationship kept me blind to what was truly going on inside of me. I was such a fool when it came to her.
Until I gain my own self worth all over again, took a firm position and got rid of her all together, my life was a whirlpool of misery. It was truly hard to make this decision, climb over the wall of totally lust between us both and not allow her to enter back into my life.
Be wise and look beyond the moment at hand.