Good morning, all-

I was wondering if I could hear your thoughts on something. I’ve been obsessing about it for a couple of weeks now.

I am on a few committees at work and have sometimes felt that I am being left out of the planning, etc. I attempted to discuss it with the chairperson. I was calm and really wanted to know if there was something I was doing that was preventing me from being able to participate more. I calmly called her and brought up my concern. The conversation lent itself to me mentioning that the feeling I have of me being left out has happened before, and I mentioned the circumstances. She immediately became defensive. “Oh, you wanna go there?” I was surprised but said “Ok, what’s going on?”  She mentioned that I didn’t follow through on things and mentioned a recent event in which I was a part. She accused me of not doing what I was supposed to do. I asked her a couple of questions- “Did you even look for what I was supposed to do?” She said she didn’t but knew that I didn’t do my part.  We ended the conversation calmly, but I have had this unsettling feeling… how is she ok with accusing me of lying? If this were the first time I had approached her calmly and received this reaction, I don’t think it would hurt as badly. This wasn’t the first. There have been previous times when I approached her and heard “Don’t take that tone with me!” I now feel like I can’t count on her to own up to mistakes she has made, nor will she ever apologize. She has done other things that are inconsiderate and sometimes considered rude to other people that work there. They have accepted that she is like this. Later that day, she brought in her co-worker that she works with on all the committees, who sat there telling me how to do things, staring straight ahead without even looking at me. She speaks at people, not with or to.  She spoke at me for several minutes. I really don’t know how to handle either one of them because they run many of the committees that I am interested in.

I was called in to my boss’ office the next day for my yearly evaluation. I was unsettled with the outcome of this also.  Let me backtrack… 2 years ago my boss took the above coworkers to a different building to see how they monitor the same project I do.  I was very frustrated because I felt like they wanted what the other building has, but how could I make it happen if I never saw their way of doing things? I received a mediocre evaluation, the first one I have ever received.  The reason was because I wasn’t offering enough activities, etc. I shared all of my ideas with my boss, and he seemed pleased. These are ideas that I have had for the past couple of years, but have been always afraid to try (in case I fail.)  What scared me most is that I had no idea that my evaluation would look like this. My boss and  I are cordial with each other; he even asks me about things that are going on with the project off and on.  My biggest fear is that I will proceed next year and find out I was way off in what he wants from me.  I have always thought I was doing an ok job with the project. I knew it needed improvement, and I was happy to improve and learn whatever I needed to know.

I have felt so hurt and blindsided by all of this. I just don’t know what to do with that sad, heavy feeling inside. My relationship with my co-workers have been damaged in a way that I don’t think it will ever recover, even after I get past this.  They have now become some of those people that I talk to only if I have to.

Any words of wisdom to help me get past this? I feel like I am always on the verge of tears.