Hi Linarra

I understand anxiety and depression. Lately, I’ve been waking up in the morning cringing over past manic self versus now stable self (I have bipolar). I was on a rollercoster and now I’m able to focus. It’s just hard because I wasn’t fully in control all my life and some of the choices I made impulsively. So I feel like that has impacted my self worth. My mental illness was kept contained just enough that it didn’t totally ruin my life. I had a breakdown in 2015 and went on disability then.

I went from having a lot of friends and things to do to being scared of everything. Everytime my dog barked at something outside, I thought it was crisis department coming to take me to the hospital again. I was so traumatized not just by traumatic experiences in my life but the experience of being mentally ill and its consequences as well. I realized who my friends were and that they were few.

I didn’t lose interest in doing things, as you have described. But I was scared of everything. I’m doing exposure therapy with myself now with driving and being out of the house. I try to get out of the house as much as I can. I like walking outside. I’m an introverted extrovert- I can be social but I’m also very independent. I’m very independent though disabled. My living situation isn’t ideal either so that does make it harder.

I’m working through similar feelings so you aren’t alone. I don’t have an answer as to how to manage your anxiety or depression. I think that a therapist is going to really be able to help you. But the fact that you were able to analyze it at all is huge. That means you can uncover what is really going on.

So…all those thoughts you told me you are having making you anxious or depressed, it’s time to challenge them. Write down the opposite of what your negative thoughts are telling you. For example, “The worst thing will happen if I go out.” Now write “Even if things go wrong,  I will be okay.” Stuff like that. This is how to train your brain to go from negative to positive, all what CBT is about.

If you can do this for next time, that would be a powerful step towards healing. Even if you don’t believe the positive things, getting the words down is important.

Go to that facebook group I just sent you (the last one), ask to join and put some of these thoughts you shared with me in the group. See if anyone has any other advice.

Also you don’t have to want to go out all the time or be super social to be happy. It’s perfectly fine to live how you want to live. But if it’s FEAR holding you back rather than simple disinterest then that is something to be worked with.

I have yet to start rereading Man’s Search for Meaning. I’m excited to though. I reference it a lot in my writing.

And that’s fine about the scripts! What is your first language?

Sarah