Hi TeaK,

I think part of my sense of failure and hopelessness might be tied to my problematic relationship with one of my brothers. I am the youngest of 4. I have one brother who is 12 years older, one sister who is 8 years older, and another brother who is 3 years older. My brother who is 3 years older than me was rather cruel to me growing up. He routinely made fun of my weight, physical appearance, and intelligence, among other things. He used to tell me I was the stupid one in the family. This was not easy to hear. Especially given that he was valedictorian of his graduating class and my sister was salutatorian. I actually have nightmares to this day about him and how he treated me. I had one just a few weeks ago. In it we were in my parents’ basement and I was yelling at him asking him why he has always been mean to me. I probably have similar nightmares about him every month. We do not see each other very much anymore…we are separated by a few states. We are cordial when we see each other and occasionally exchange a random text here and there, but that is the extent of our relationship these days. I have journaled wondering what my life might have been like had I had a more supportive brother growing up.

I want to get past my past hurt. When I have seen therapists we have never really dove into my past because whatever is currently going on with me is so pressing we focus on that. Uuuuughhh…I have told several people I believe the way I am today mentally and emotionally is rooted in my childhood. Just not sure how to begin to heal from things that happened so long ago.

Thank you for your reply.

Richard