Dear Anita,

“simple honesty like simple love is .. beautifully simple. Simple and rare.”

While I find fascination in complexity, I really enjoy the peacefulness and the beauty in simplicity. This world is so complex, simple and easy things are precious.

“But what we know, even if it’s pushed down, does not stay quiet: it creates a lot of noise that shows up in our dysfunction. We just can’t function well before we bring up to the surface the terrible truth that we placed under.”

There it is.. the haunting truth we must face. If only knowing about it, seeing it was sufficient to “stomach the idea“. But it so much more complex. Once it is surfacing, what to do… The classical guidance of accepting what can’t be change and learning to change what can be may be wise, but it is such a general advice, the actual journey is undescribable. Figuring how to make this advice praticable is quite something…

“recently I submit my posts to you without re-reading them so to check for grammatical mistakes and such. I write them quite spontaneously and then submit. I then read what I wrote, notice a mistake, or an opportunity to clarify.”

I did so to for some posts I think (and/or wanted to but the editing option isn’t always showing, so I let it go then). I didn’t worry much about the fact you would turn it against me, because I don’t consider that correcting mistakes/clarifying is a betrayal and made a bet on my hope you’d be able to understand. Spontaneity is good, but mistakes happens during it, it isn’t a lie to want to correct those mistakes (or add clarification) when having a different look at them later. It isn’t wrong, it isn’t lies or betrayal. Please do what would suits you the most, editing or no editing, both are fine with me. Both are you, with or without mistakes/clarification, I’m fine and won’t get bothered.

“I was scared that you will not like me anymore”

It would takes me so much more to stop liking someone (in this case, you). Those little mistakes, those little worries, they are part of your humanity. I have mine to. If I wasn’t able to love you and accept you just because of your little decisions, I wouldn’t be able to do the same for mine either (I have/had difficulties accepting mine, but moreso when I am with someone who would judge harshly. I chose to not be that person, both for you and for me, so the change can start somewhere.) I don’t want to suffer from this anymore, not with people who seem like they really could accept me with my “little things”, and benefit of being accepted with theirs.

I’m taking the risk of not worrying about editing and the risk of being surprised if you turn it against me. Even if you did so, I would discuss it with you and see how it turns out, if you’d be able to accept my (hopefully) unhurtful flaws once I clarified the details. And depending on the outcome of this discussion, if you decided to dislike me very much and shame me for that, I would feel a bit less safe of course. But I don’t think it is a likely outcome, because our previous discussions didn’t make me think you’d react so extremely over something like this. So I would be very confused… I hope I won’t cause you such confusion in the future. If I do, please tell me so we can discuss it.

I do hope at some point you’ll be able to be confident on the fact I will not stop liking you over small things like this. (No pressure, of course, I also do not dislike you for worrying, I just hope this for your own comfort.)  And thus, you’d feel free to edit/not edit as much as you feel like. And it’d be indirectly a confirmation that you’re alright with me doing it and not doing it as I please.

Linarra