Dear Linarra:

I was thrilled to read that you went outside! Fitting it into the image I painted: the planet took a few steps outside its orbit, farther from the sun, congratulations!!!

“My mother saw me as I prepared to go out this morning. She said ‘You’re going out? Alone? Where does this idea come from?“- if it is not her idea, it’s not okay to have it… it must be.. her idea or no idea.

“She said.. ‘It is dangerous to go out alone you know‘”- I know it is dangerous to stay inside with her. The danger you’ve known personally in your life so far is Inside, not Outside.

“There are always some risks of course, but does she have to say it the one time I decide to go out?“- she doesn’t have to say it, she wants to say it. She wants  to  keep  you Inside. Not because  she loves you, but because she needs you to be Inside, within her gravitational pull, orbiting around her.

“There’s no logic in her words and behavior. I wonder if she’s just trying to scare me. I wonder how long this has been going on“- the logic in her words and behavior is the human quest for Power, for a personal sense of: I am powerful! It is an intoxicating feeling for everyone, it’s just that different people go about different ways to get that sense of personal power, and there are many ways, a few of which are: winning sport competitions, arguing and winning arguments, getting prestigious jobs, earning higher education diplomas, making more money, owning bigger homes and bigger cars.. and a mother owning her child.

“It isn’t the first time I do something for myself and she says something in order to stop me… She really prefers me passive and at her disposal“- I wrote the above regarding her quest for power by owning you before I read what I just italicized.

“She really prefers me passive and at her disposal, disguising her words of false caring and good intents. It makes it hard to see her in a bad light. But the result of listening to her ‘kind’ words is destructive. Innocent looking, but quite dangerous“-

– her caring, good intents, kindness and innocence (boldfaced above) are the weapons that she uses against you, to maintain her Power and her ownership of you, keeping you in that orbit around her. Unlike a gun, using her weapons is totally legal and not messy. Most important to her: her weapons work, they get her what she wants.

Here is something that is very, very important to understand. I hope that I can explain it clearly: I am sure that you noticed that your mother likes you sometimes, that she feels affection for you sometimes, that she is emotionally attached to you.. and it may confuse you, making you think that she loves you after all. Here is a story that I hope will make it clear:

In mid-January 1945, as Soviet forces approached the Auschwitz concentration camp complex, the SS began evacuating Auschwitz. SS units killed thousands of prisoners before leaving and then forced nearly 60,000 prisoners to march west from the Auschwitz camp system. During those marches, referred to as the death marches, SS guards shot anyone who fell behind or could not continue. Prisoners also suffered from the cold weather, starvation, and exposure on these marches. At least 3,000 prisoners died on route to Gliwice alone; possibly as many as 15,000 prisoners died during the evacuation marches from Auschwitz and the subcamps (united states holocaust memorial museum. com). Why didn’t the SS guards kill all the prisoners before escaping capture by the Soviets? After all, it would have been easier for the SS guards to escape without being burdened by the prisoners. Their reason: they grew emotionally attached to their prisoners, more specifically, they grew attached to the feeling of Power over their Prisoners.

The SS guards did not love the prisoners they took with them to the marches, they treated them just as bad and worse than before. But they liked them.. they liked them not as people, but as prisoners.

Back to you: when you see your mother liking you, when you see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice and in her words, you are perceiving correctly: she does like you and she is emotionally attached to you.. as a person she owns. She is attached to her sense of Power over You.

“How many times have I heard the ‘Be kind to your mother, don’t make her life harder, she’s been going through a lot, she love you a lot, protect your mother, don’t make her worrying for you…’ from strangers or acquaintances of my mother“-

– some of the strangers and acquaintances.. if they told your mother to be kind to you, your mother would get angry at them and express it (saying something like: how DARE YOU tell me how to treat my child!?). They don’t want her anger. On the other hand, they can tell you to be kind to her and no angry response. Some of the acquaintances tell you to be kind to her because by doing so, they are being kind to her, and they want her to reciprocate their kindness somehow.

“People who never saw through what was going on, or who didn’t give it much thought“- it doesn’t take much thought or seeing through for anyone to know that in the context of a parent and child, the Parent is in Power and the child is not. People (and society as a whole) are motivated to please those in Power.

“It is nice to discuss with someone who doesn’t think I have to indulge her“- I don’t want you to indulge her need to have power over you (and much of society’s need to maintain parental power no matter how abusive it is). I want you to exercise your own personal power and exit that gravitational pull which is keeping you in her orbit, owned.

anita