Florence,

In addition to E and Kirty’s observations, a few ideas came to heart as I read your words. I’m sorry you’re feeling a lot of tension between your self and the unknown future, it can be fairly chaotic to say the least! You don’t sound crazy to me, you sound like a romantic. 🙂

When you said you feel like he holds the keys to your heaven, it reminded me of a song lyric by Alanis Morissette “this pedestal is high and I’m afraid of heights.” Its wonderful and beautiful that you see his sparkly-ness, and wish to spend more time together. The challenge seems to be with the dissatisfaction/craving that has come up.

To me, it seems like your dream is very powerful for you! Our hearts yearn for connection, and that yearning is a noticeable momentum that pulls us forward on the path of love. Said differently, it seems like your heart really wants a partner to share the bounty you have inside, and as you look at the new man in the silence of waiting, you are very directly experiencing that want.

When I have felt that feeling, I turned it toward nesting, cleaning up the inside and outside as I prepared for the new journey. Trim and straighten, dust and mop, sort and settle (metaphorically and physically). This prepares us for the next moment, because even though how he is feeling is unknown, we give it the best chance to grow when we make space in the temple, so to speak. If he doesn’t wish to join you in your sacred heart, then perhaps he was just a muse for growth. If he does, then you’ll have done your best to give the buddhing flower space to blossom.

Good luck!

With warmth,
Matt