July 14, 2013 at 4:51 am #38564FlorenceParticipant
Idon’t know what i am feeling is normal or just plain crazy!
I love to give advice to people but it seems that i cant take it myself.
I went on a date a few days ago and the guy is amazing, he is just perfect to me. And because i have taken such a strong likening to him, i sit a wait and wait for a message from him. Which i have not yet gotten. We have made future plans but i still want to hear from him, i miss him. But i have only been on one date and miss him already. I am worried that if i put myself out there and go for it, he ends of letting me go, and then I am hurt. Or that i am just not good enough for him. I know that you all are thinking, “oh shame the poor girl has a crush, get a life there are worse things.” But, it goes a lot deeper than that, i have a constant pain inside my heart, an emotional one. Like a longing i have never felt in my life before. And its not going away. Its like my very happiness depends on his message. Like he is the “GOD” and i am the slave waiting to be accepted. It’s ridiculous. I am starting to think that there is an underlying issue here, that its my deep rooted emotions. What should i do, what can i do to truley let go?July 14, 2013 at 6:06 am #38567EParticipant
Florence, you are not crazy at all. It is natural for us to sometimes feel a strong connection to someone after the first meeting/date. I think you have been waiting for someone that will meet your expectations and that has the same views that you do in certain areas. You possibly may have found this individual but it is always best to have patience and to let things happen on their own.. If this guy is really interested and felt this same connection with you he will probably call you soon. Remember some guys don’t always call right away. He also probably has work and other things in his life that he is tending to. Doesn’t mean that he won’t look for you. A word of advice, from past experiences I’ve learned not to be so anxious about things and if he doesn’t call it doesn’t mean that it was you or that you won’t meet that special someone down the road. I know you feel like you miss him a lot already but I really think that it’s because you are waiting for him to call. Keep yourself busy and distract yourself meanwhile and you’ll see how when you least expect it , if its meant to be, he will call. I can’t say there are underlying issues with you because I really don’t know what you have struggled with in the past or present or what you have experienced recently with a previous relationship. Good luck with everything and I hope things turn out for you. Please contact me if you need to talk or just vent. EJuly 14, 2013 at 6:18 am #38568KirtyParticipant
sounds so much like me! maybe you are trying to hold on to the great feelings he gives you because it fills a hole inside. Mine use to (still does) say that I’m not good enough, I have to hold on to this thing/person to feel like i’m worthy, it’s that feeling of being attached to something and you have to have it or your world will be crushed even if that person is good/bad/don’t know them very well. I think your mind sometimes creates illusions and you dream up all the things that will make you happy if you just get them, I think when theres emptiness inside people attach themselves to things & those things like love, drugs, alcohol, smoking, partying etc they dive into what makes them feel good to temporarily fill that empty space. I know that’s pretty deep! lol but I think that could be the reality of the situation unless it is really love at first sight ;).
When something makes you feel good you want as much of it as you can get, in my opinion things get obsessive when you are trying to cover up pain, or when you are trying to prove yourself to people because deep down you feel like your not worth it and you need to feel accepted & validated.. it would be a good idea to just chat to someone like a therapist to explore it deeper because I know from experience with guys and dating that it can be really frustrating and for me it just got worse until I explored the issue and if I was dating now I would still be struggling
hope ive made sense and something here helps you 🙂
good luck xJuly 14, 2013 at 6:28 am #38569KirtyParticipant
oh my advice seems pretty negative now after reading ‘E’s’ :-S. lol I could be wrong.. just my view from my experience really.. again, good luck 🙂July 14, 2013 at 8:20 am #38573MattParticipant
In addition to E and Kirty’s observations, a few ideas came to heart as I read your words. I’m sorry you’re feeling a lot of tension between your self and the unknown future, it can be fairly chaotic to say the least! You don’t sound crazy to me, you sound like a romantic. 🙂
When you said you feel like he holds the keys to your heaven, it reminded me of a song lyric by Alanis Morissette “this pedestal is high and I’m afraid of heights.” Its wonderful and beautiful that you see his sparkly-ness, and wish to spend more time together. The challenge seems to be with the dissatisfaction/craving that has come up.
To me, it seems like your dream is very powerful for you! Our hearts yearn for connection, and that yearning is a noticeable momentum that pulls us forward on the path of love. Said differently, it seems like your heart really wants a partner to share the bounty you have inside, and as you look at the new man in the silence of waiting, you are very directly experiencing that want.
When I have felt that feeling, I turned it toward nesting, cleaning up the inside and outside as I prepared for the new journey. Trim and straighten, dust and mop, sort and settle (metaphorically and physically). This prepares us for the next moment, because even though how he is feeling is unknown, we give it the best chance to grow when we make space in the temple, so to speak. If he doesn’t wish to join you in your sacred heart, then perhaps he was just a muse for growth. If he does, then you’ll have done your best to give the buddhing flower space to blossom.