Dear Makingtide,

I will also like to share some other tools that I used to lessen the pain and heal. Please note that I am on the other side..the hurt spouse. I employed healing tools like EFT, EMDR and Hoe’ponopono. Whenever I saw a panic attack coming in I would resort to self administered EFT or EMDR. I also watched a lot of Youtube videos of Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk and teacher. The clarity of thoughts and insights that you get from his videos is invaluable. If you really want to mend this marriage, you will have to be magician, to find out more and more of the inside world of your spouse. You will have to be in a non-judgemental place and accept all her weaknesses. Getting to know her better and accepting her as she is would start a new chapter in your life. You will be surprised to know how little you know her. While you do this, you also need to keep healing yourself of whatever baggage you carry. Together both of you can heal and thrive. It really happens. Believe! Every moment is a miracle. You have to just accept the miracle and be grateful for it. You are the captain of you ship and you will have to do all the work, the good and the bad. Tread carefully and you will get lucky. EFT and EMDR are invaluable. The beauty of the journey is that you will understand more about yourself than you did before you started. Both of you can heal together, I have faith in this. A prayer a day for your spouse also allows your mind to dwell on the good in the relationship and forgive the deficiencies. Give it all you have. Good luck and God Bless