Dear Ava:

You are welcome to rant and vent here anytime! Regarding thanking me for this site: the Founder and Daily Operator of this site is the wonderful Lori Deschene, and she deserves the credit. I am a very active member here, that is all.

“I don’t really want to ask him to pick me up.. maybe it would feel.. too romantic, maybe, so maybe he doesn’t want to do that… but this practically seems like a common courtesy“- it is a matter of courtesy, not of romance: a matter of courtesy which is .. not as common as it should be.

“he’s a good person, he’s wonderful really“-not good enough, not  wonderful enough to.. exercise basic courtesy.

“I understand he has his reasons“- there are always reason behind a person’s inconsideration, selfishness.. and even cruelty, but reasons are not excuses for bad behavior. For example, you stated that the reasons doctors in a particular hospital push for unnecessary C-section operations on pregnant women is to make tons of money for the hospital. This reason does not excuse their  highly unethical, and seems to me, criminal behavior!

“as a woman you’re here to make $ for a male doctor.. get a back injury”, “it took me two years to recover from the back injury“- a great injustice!

“He sent me a link to the website describing how to get from the airport to the ferry.. I won’t have to walk that much with luggage, maybe ten minutes, plus the airport, train, etc… that link he sent me did mention how single women should watch out.. and wait for a someone trustworthy going in, and tag to that person. Did he even read that?.. if I’m flying to see him, maybe it would be nice if I don’t have to look for strange men to tag along to.. I’ve seen it happen to a woman standing three yards from me, he fought her for her purse and ran off, took five seconds, disappeared into the crowd“-

-The fact that he lacks basic courtesy has been established, but if he knows of your back injury and your vulnerability to get re-injured.. and he didn’t offer to pick you up from the airport so to prevent you from lifting heavy luggage.. that’s more than lack of basic courtesy, it’s a blatant disregard for your health!

Add to it, the fact that women are vulnerable to robbery while traveling alone.. that’s blatant disregard to your safety, and to your expensive belongings (including the laptop that you considered carrying so to help him)!

“I’m thinking, if I just fly there and let go off the anger, but go with that mindset of, ‘I understand things won’t change and he’s wonderful but I’m letting go after this,’ maybe that will help me“- I fail to see his wonderfulness. He may be wonderful in some contexts, and/ or to some people.. but not to you in regard to your well-being.

“And I’m not taking my laptop to teach him that software either“- since you decided to travel to see him, if I was in your shoes, I would tell him before you fly that you can’t take your laptop because it is too heavy for your back, and too expensive to be lost to theft. Say it clearly, but casually, and quickly move on to another topic, so to give him the opportunity to not respond to what you just said. His response, or lack of response, will be very telling!

anita