Anita-

Thank you so much for writing such a detailed response- I appreciate it. Your post yesterday helped me so much- I realized how removed from reality I’ve become regarding my parents’ effects on me.

You wrote: -Please turn down the volume of your shouting  parents and turn up the volume of the following words, your own words: “moving back to my childhood home..  is a recipe for disaster“. Preventing a disaster is a way wiser strategy than co-creating a disaster and then try to get out of it.

This is exactly what I should be thinking. I would be essentially destroying my own life. And at this age (I’m not old, but not young either), I realize I should pick up the pieces of what’s left of my life and make something meaningful of it.

You wrote– (1) preventing the disaster of moving in with your mother/ parents and otherwise, improving your mental health, as well as (2)  not accommodating your father’s selfishness- these are parts of being socially responsible. 

You know, that is a great point! Honestly, I never even looked at it from that angle. I’ve been raised to believe that social responsibility only equals filial responsibility. And filial responsibility is putting up with your parents’ abuse no matter what- because they’ve financially provided for you. I know how disturbing my viewpoint sounds, and I didn’t even realize the extent to which I’ve held it until typing it up now.

“just seeing people bonding, going out, etc., makes me think, why is it SO hard for me to have that?“- This was my own question.

Although…I will say that I’d just been starting to make some progress in this area, when COVID upended everything. I’m now looking at groups and online dating to get involved with people again. But I know that a huge part of this is thinking that everyone’s going to be like my parents (or extended family- and they’re not that much better). Trying to become more aware of self-sabotage here.

You wrote: Parents should not get a right-to-abuse any more than a boyfriend gets.. there is no such right!

Of course, but the scary thing is- a part of me read this and thought- “parents do have the right to inflict damage on you because they gave you life.” I know how incredibly messed-up my mindset is, but it’s what I’ve grown up with. I hope I don’t sound like I’m making excuses for myself– but reading all this in black-and-white in front of me makes me understand just how twisted my psyche has become with regard to this aspect of my life: which of course has affected all the OTHER aspects of my life.

I’m glad you showed me some of my own posts- it’s like I have the knowledge of what’s the right thing to do- just trouble following it.

Promise yourself to always and forevermore live away from your parents… no matter what.

THIS^^

I’ll be referring to this thread a lot when I’m feeling trapped by my parents again- as will inevitable happen again at some point.

Thanks again for providing so much insight.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Selkie.