Dear Ryan,

I guess I cannot expect anyone to see and accept my flaws when I truly cannot accept them myself.

Right, you said you are both critical and self-critical. You feel flawed. I still believe this is the main motivation why you don’t want to go deeper into a relationship. But then your rational mind finds excuses why the woman is unsuitable. With your previous ex, who had a young son, you said it was her anger outbursts. With the nurse, it’s her looks and political views. While it could be that they aren’t/weren’t a perfect fit for you, it seems to me you are finding excuses to leave them, because of a deeper fear. And this fear includes you feeling inadequate, not good enough. Fear of being a disappointment.

This is what you wrote back in April:

I think my issue is more that I feel a sense of guilt/shame when I hurt or disappoint women. It feels as though women see me as something that I may not always be: A good man or a better man than most. I try to live up to their expectancies but often don’t.

You yourself confirmed that this is one of your main issues. So when you say: “I don’t think that I’m leaving before the nurse sees my inadequacies“, I actually believe you are, but you are suppressing that from your conscious awareness and convincing yourself that it’s because of her inadequacies.

When she asked you why you don’t want to be with her, you said you don’t know:

She wanted to know why I did not want to maintain the relationship: “Is it my dogs? My looks? I’m too needy? Not fun? My politics? Or you just want to check out the dating pool there? Just why you don’t want a relationship?” I did not respond, because I simply do not know. And she is vulnerable and any criticism I would have offered would have stuck and she would carry it on to future relationships.

A part of the reason is her inadequacies (which you didn’t want to share with her, not to offend her), but a part of it is your deeper fear, which you aren’t aware of. That’s why you didn’t really know the reason. At least this is how I see it…