Dear Renz Han:

More than five years ago, on November 7, 2016, you were a senior college student. You shared in your first thread that ever since Junior High School, you were a wallflower (shy, awkward, excluded) and “a loner… total introverted guy… just sitting in the corner… so alone“, that people were bullying you for being gay and weird, laughing at you and teasing you, that as a result, you developed social anxiety, avoiding people at all cost, feeling that you “don’t fit with the society”, feeling “so small… insecure…  not enough“. You ended your original post there with: “I just want to be happy!”

Five years later, in your current, second thread, you shared that lately you struggle with sleep, sleeping only 3-4 hours a night, “restless legs syndrome & OCD…  makes me hard to fall asleep“.

Since the past couple of years (about 3 years after your first thread), you are “always hearing voices in my head such as harming my family & friends, worshipping the demon itself… (voices) always coming to my head much stronger… someone screaming inside of my head… controlling me. My freewill.. is now gone, I’m a slave of my mind & demon“.

First, I will quote from a United Kingdom based site, www. rethink. org (, and afterwards I will offer you my understanding:

www. rethink. org: “Mental health professionals may call hearing voices an ‘auditory hallucination’. A hallucination is where you might see, hear, taste, smell or feel something that exists only in your mind. There are different types of auditory hallucinations. You may experience the following things. *People talking to you *People talking about you…

“Hearing voices can be positive… The voices may be encouraging and comforting… You may hear voices that are negative and upsetting. They can threaten you and tell you to hurt yourself or someone else… This can be frightening. You may find that your voices change at different times. They may become more upsetting during difficult or stressful times.

“Is hearing voices the same as intrusive thoughts? No. But both can be upsetting and difficult to ignore. If you hear voices, you will hear a sound. It will sound as though other people can hear it. But you will be the only one who can hear it. An intrusive thought is an unwelcome thought or image that enters your mind and is mostly out of your control. It won’t sound as though others can hear it. It may be a disturbing thought such as harming people that you love.

“Up to 1 in 10 people hear voices. Hearing voices is not as rare as we used to think. Hearing voices may be a symptom of a mental illness. A doctor may diagnose you with a condition such as ‘psychosis’ or ‘bi-polar’. But you can hear voices without having a mental illness. Research shows that many people hear voices or have other hallucinations. It is not always a sign of being unwell.

“The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) recommend that you should be offered antipsychotic medication and talking therapy if you hear voices. If you decide not to take medication you should still be offered talking therapy… Antipsychotic medication can help with hearing voices. Medication may not make symptoms go away but it can make voices seem distant or less noticeable… Talking therapies There are different types of talking therapies recommended for people who hear voices.

“Cognitive behavioural therapy…  CBT can help you to manage your voices and to notice any patterns… For example, for some people stress can trigger voices. CBT can help you find ways to deal with your stress. Voices may say things that you think about yourself. CBT can help you be more positive about yourself which can help reduce your negative voices… Art therapy… Therapy for trauma…”.

You can read more in the website I quoted from. And now, my understanding: (1) humans are social animals, and just like other social animals, when we are alone and lonely for way too long, we get sick (you’ve been alone for a long time as a result of being bullied, and later- social anxiety kept you alone), (2) To get better, to heal as much as is possible for us, we need to no longer be so alone, we need to connect with other people in meaningful ways (true to you too), (3) first people for you to connect to are professionals who can help you. If you are still attending college, start with a mental health counselor within the college. If you no longer attend college- find a medical doctor who will refer you to other professionals who can help you better: a psychiatrist and/ or a psychotherapist. The site I quoted from has information about support groups for people who hear voices, maybe you can join such online support groups.

More than five years ago, you ended your original post with “I just want to be happy!“- I too want you to be happy, and it can come true for you, one step at a time. Lots of people who heard voices such as you hear, are feeling so much better and leading way better lives as a result of professional help, and so can you! I hope to read from you again, anytime you want to share, please do and I will reply to you.

anita