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Need help i feel someone is inside of me

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  • #389049
    Renz Han
    Participant

    I’ve been struggling with sleep lately, most of them are 3-4 hours. For the past couple of years, I am always hearing voices in my head such as harming my family & friends, worshiping the demon itself, i thought they are gone last year but they are always coming to my head much stronger & every time I close my eyes at night I always see the darkest thoughts of my life i feel scared, since it was not treated i develop restless legs syndrome & OCD which makes me hard to fall asleep, just today i cannot sleep because someone is  screaming inside of my head, i feel like someone is controlling me. My freewill of life is now gone , I’m slave of my mind & demon

    • This topic was modified 2 months ago by Renz Han.
    #389055
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Renz Han:

    More than five years ago, on November 7, 2016, you were a senior college student. You shared in your first thread that ever since Junior High School, you were a wallflower (shy, awkward, excluded) and “a loner… total introverted guy… just sitting in the corner… so alone“, that people were bullying you for being gay and weird, laughing at you and teasing you, that as a result, you developed social anxiety, avoiding people at all cost, feeling that you “don’t fit with the society”, feeling “so small… insecure…  not enough“. You ended your original post there with: “I just want to be happy!

    Five years later, in your current, second thread, you shared that lately you struggle with sleep, sleeping only 3-4 hours a night, “restless legs syndrome & OCD…  makes me hard to fall asleep“.

    Since the past couple of years (about 3 years after your first thread), you are “always hearing voices in my head such as harming my family & friends, worshipping the demon itself… (voices) always coming to my head much stronger… someone screaming inside of my head… controlling me. My freewill.. is now gone, I’m a slave of my mind & demon“.

    First, I will quote from a United Kingdom based site, www. rethink. org (, and afterwards I will offer you my understanding:

    www. rethink. org: “Mental health professionals may call hearing voices an ‘auditory hallucination’. A hallucination is where you might see, hear, taste, smell or feel something that exists only in your mind. There are different types of auditory hallucinations. You may experience the following things. *People talking to you *People talking about you…

    “Hearing voices can be positive… The voices may be encouraging and comforting… You may hear voices that are negative and upsetting. They can threaten you and tell you to hurt yourself or someone else… This can be frightening. You may find that your voices change at different times. They may become more upsetting during difficult or stressful times.

    Is hearing voices the same as intrusive thoughts? No. But both can be upsetting and difficult to ignore. If you hear voices, you will hear a sound. It will sound as though other people can hear it. But you will be the only one who can hear it. An intrusive thought is an unwelcome thought or image that enters your mind and is mostly out of your control. It won’t sound as though others can hear it. It may be a disturbing thought such as harming people that you love.

    “Up to 1 in 10 people hear voices. Hearing voices is not as rare as we used to think. Hearing voices may be a symptom of a mental illness. A doctor may diagnose you with a condition such as ‘psychosis’ or ‘bi-polar’. But you can hear voices without having a mental illness. Research shows that many people hear voices or have other hallucinations. It is not always a sign of being unwell.

    “The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) recommend that you should be offered antipsychotic medication and talking therapy if you hear voices. If you decide not to take medication you should still be offered talking therapy… Antipsychotic medication can help with hearing voices. Medication may not make symptoms go away but it can make voices seem distant or less noticeable… Talking therapies There are different types of talking therapies recommended for people who hear voices.

    “Cognitive behavioural therapy…  CBT can help you to manage your voices and to notice any patterns… For example, for some people stress can trigger voices. CBT can help you find ways to deal with your stress. Voices may say things that you think about yourself. CBT can help you be more positive about yourself which can help reduce your negative voices… Art therapyTherapy for trauma…”.

    You can read more in the website I quoted from. And now, my understanding: (1) humans are social animals, and just like other social animals, when we are alone and lonely for way too long, we get sick (you’ve been alone for a long time as a result of being bullied, and later- social anxiety kept you alone), (2) To get better, to heal as much as is possible for us, we need to no longer be so alone, we need to connect with other people in meaningful ways (true to you too), (3) first people for you to connect to are professionals who can help you. If you are still attending college, start with a mental health counselor within the college. If you no longer attend college- find a medical doctor who will refer you to other professionals who can help you better: a psychiatrist and/ or a psychotherapist. The site I quoted from has information about support groups for people who hear voices, maybe you can join such online support groups.

    More than five years ago, you ended your original post with “I just want to be happy!“- I too want you to be happy, and it can come true for you, one step at a time. Lots of people who heard voices such as you hear, are feeling so much better and leading way better lives as a result of professional help, and so can you! I hope to read from you again, anytime you want to share, please do and I will reply to you.

    anita

    #389615
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, Renz Han?

    anita

    #390865
    Renz Han
    Participant

    Hello! Anita, sorry for the lateness. I went to the psychiatrist last month and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I was shocked because I thought I was only experiencing severe anxiety and pure OCD. I’m still struggling with lots of voices and intrusive thoughts even though I’m taking meds (Olanzapine). I guess it will take time to recover since the symptoms started when I was in high school. I wish I was okay and normal; I can’t stop thinking about the days when I was a normal person. I’m planning to quit my job as a call center because it’s so hard for me to do my job now, but I can’t quit because I’m the breadwinner of the family. 🙁

    #390866
    samy
    Participant

    Hi Renz Han,

    My father has auditory hallucinations. They don’t happen consistently, he has had them since 16 till now, he is in his mid 50s. He was able to stay employed for 2 decades despite this. You don’t have to think that you are unemployable. I would however suggest you take a break from work for a short period and stay on your medication. You will have highs and lows but with the right treatment you can have a good life.

    Please work with your doctor on a plan to handle stress and come up with a lifestyle that would best suit you. This will include setting expectations for career and relationships. The calmer you stay, the easier it is to go through this.

    You can do this! Don’t worry about the normal days. They will come back too if you commit to working on your mental health. The farther you stay from being negative and down, the easier it will be to keep the demon away.  All you need to plan for is the days when the hallucinations are back. Have you informed your family yet? They can help manage this during the bad days. You will need to trust someone to take care of your medicines, to ensure you are taking them at all times. Good news for you is you are taking action to take care of this, and it will work out. Good luck!

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 5 days ago by samy.
    #390868
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Renz Han:

    I am glad to read from you again! I am also glad that you saw a psychiatrist last month, and that following being diagnosed with schizophrenia, you were prescribed with a medication that helps many, many people who struggle with the same symptoms as you do.

    I understand why the diagnosis shocked you: it takes time to get used to something new, including a new diagnosis. I also understand wishing to be “okay and normal“. The good news is that you can be more okay and more normal as time goes on. Remember, you are not alone: millions of people all over the world suffer from mental illnesses. Also, many people with mental illnesses, particularly when medically treated, hold jobs and provide income for their families.

    You wrote:  “I’m still struggling with lots of voices and intrusive thoughts even though I’m taking meds (Olanzapine)“. Like you wrote: “it will take time to recover“, that is, it will take time for the symptoms to lessen.  Olanzapine is a medication that is used to treat symptoms of schizophrenia and bipolar mania.  med line. gov reads about this medication:

    “It may take several weeks or longer before you feel the full benefit of olanzapine”. Being that you started taking it recently, be patient, as it takes several weeks or longer for the symptoms to lessen.

    The same website also reads regarding olanzapine: “It is usually taken once a day with or without food. Take olanzapine at around the same time every day. Follow the directions on your prescription label carefully and ask your doctor or pharmacist to explain any part you do not understand. Take olanzapine exactly as directed. Do not take more or less of it or take it more often than prescribed by your doctor…

    “Continue to take olanzapine even if you feel well. Do not stop taking olanzapine without talking to your doctor. Your doctor will probably want to decrease your dose gradually…

    “Talk to your doctor about eating grapefruit and drinking grapefruit juice while taking this medicine. Be sure to drink plenty of water every day while you are taking this medication”.

    There is a lot more about this medication on this website and you may want to read what’s there. I was wondering, in your November 2016 thread, when you were a college student, you didn’t mention hearing voices aka experiencing auditory hallucinations. Today you wrote: “the symptoms started when I was in high school” – did you experience auditory hallucinations before college, while you were in high school? And if you did, what was the experience of hearing voices like, back then?

    anita

    #390901
    Renz Han
    Participant

    Hello! Anita, thanks for the reply. It all started on my first day of my third year of high school. I was a huge fan of Lady Gaga back then. She was super popular, and rumors started to circulate at my school that she was part of a devil-worshipping group called the “Illuminati.” “Worshipping the devil” became stuck in my mind to the point where it became the voices of the demon pushing me to worship them: ( All I did during my 3rd year & 4th year of high school was to cry alone because someone was pushing me to worship the dark side and join them. I didn’t want that to happen. I was a religious person back then. I love Jesus Christ, and there was a time when I considered killing myself because of these dark voices (jumping to the mall or hanging myself). Those were very dark years of my life. I do not want to remember any of my high school memories, and I was a loner back then. My only friend transferred to another school, and I was being bullied about my sexuality and weird personality. Suddenly, those voices started to go away during my college days because I started to discover K-pop, which was an answer to prayer from God. I wasn’t okay during my college days because I was still a loner back then. I push people away and I’m thankful for those voices gone for the mean time. Right now, I’m suffering from restless leg syndrome with dark voices. I can’t think of ending my life because of this. I’m still fighting Anita.

    #390902
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Renz Han:

    You are welcome. Back in high school, being religious, you worshipped Jesus Christ. You also worshipped a celebrity, Lady Gaga. The rumor that she worshipped the devil led you to the following delusion (an untrue belief/ conviction): that the devil she allegedly worshipped had access to you via “voices of the demon… dark voices” that were pushing you to “worship the dark side and join them”.

    In college, you discovered K-pop, which is short for Korean popular music, a genre of music originating in South Korea. K-pop, in your mind, “was an answer to prayer”, an answer “from God” who started to make the voices go away.

    You shared that you were very much a loner during high school and college (“a loner… just sitting in the corner… so alone”). There is an interesting article in healthy place. com/ auditory hallucinations, what it’s like hearing voices, which suggests a connection between being a loner (being socially isolated) and hearing voices: “Deprivation of social interaction – namely human conversation-makes the brain more likely to produce hallucinated conversations. Often one of the first signs of schizophrenia- occurring well before manifestations such as hearing voices-is social isolation”.

    The article also suggests the following connection: “Heightened emotionality prompts the brain to produce information consonant with that emotional state… Verbal messages expressed by voices often are highly emotional… It could be that these powerful emotional states increase the propensity of the brain to produce corresponding verbal ‘messages.’… The brains of schizophrenia sufferers may be vulnerable to becoming ‘stuck’ in these hallucinatory states”.

    You ended your recent post with: “Right now, I’m suffering from restless leg syndrome with dark voices“-

    – There is a connection between restless leg syndrome and tactile hallucinations. Wikipedia reads: “Restless legs syndrome (RLS) causes unpleasant or uncomfortable sensations in the legs and an irresistible urge to move them. Tactile hallucinations in RLS include feelings of itching, pulling, crawling or creeping mainly in the legs, with the accompanying overwhelming urge to move them”, and “20% of patients with schizophrenia experience some sort of tactile hallucinations along with visual and auditory hallucinations”- Hopefully, the atypical anti-psychotic medication that you are taking (Olanzapine) will greatly lessen your auditory and tactile hallucinations!

    There is a lot of online information about relieving the symptoms of RLS, some of which are to: (1) Do leg stretching exercises, and yoga poses that calm restless legs (there are YouTube videos showing how to do that), (2) Massage legs, (3) Apply heated or cooled pads to the legs, (4) Soak the legs in hot water (take a hot bath), to take a hot shower, (5) Take a mild to moderate walk in the evening, (6) Avoid caffeine, sugar, alcohol and nicotine before bed, and (7) Apply an over the counter cream for RLS, and/ or, if your doctor approves, take an over the counter medication for RLS that your doctor approves of.

    I’m still fighting Anita” – I admire you for fighting, and I hope to read from you again, any time you feel like posting, please do, and I will reply to you.

    anita

    #391545
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Renz Han: how are you?

    anita

    #391734
    Renz Han
    Participant

    Hi! anita, sorry for late reply, I’m not fine at all, I cannot sleep and today i just have mental breakdown with my parents that I want to kill myself and I’m tired fighting my own thoughts, I don’t know what’s happening  to me ever since I started to take medications my condition is much worse than before, my mind became much more violent and every minute I have intrusive thoughts, next week is my birthday all I ever want is to be okay and have a normal life.

    #391751
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Renz Han:

    Good to read back from you. I wish you were feeling better though! Clearly, you need to call the office of the doctor who prescribed you the olanzapine (and whatever other medication you are taking in addition to olanzapine, if any) as soon as possible (ASAP) and tell him/ her: “Ever since I started to take medications, my condition is much worse than before, my mind became much more violent and every minute I have intrusive thoughts“.

    The doctor should then change your medication to another type, and/ or change the dosage of the medication/s you are currently taking. Will you make this call and let me know of the results?

    anita

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