Dear noname:

On this post-Thanksgiving Saturday afternoon, I want to clarify and elaborate on my closing thoughts of three days ago. I wrote to you then:

“The reason why all your experiencing of pain and crying did not lead to healing is that all along you were primarily experiencing your parents’ and sister’s pain, and not your own“-

– of course, all the pain you ever experienced is your own, experienced in your own body/ brain.  What I meant by the above is that too much of the pain you’ve been experiencing is about your perception of your mother’s, your father’s and your sister’s pain, and these perceptions, in your mind, are of a far superior value to your perception of your own individual pain, rendering your (perception of your) own pain irrelevant.

I wrote to you: “Back to the nurturing inner-parent concept: he/ she has to have your well-being in mind as first priority, not your mother’s, not your father’s, and not your sister’s. What kind of nurturing is your wounded inner-child receiving when the inner-parent’s message is: cry, little noname, feel your pain.. but remember: your mother’s/ father’s/ sister’ pain is more important!“-

– your own inner-parent (the strong, in-control part of you, the one needing arms big enough and strong enough to convince your wounded inner child that he, the wounded inner child, is in good hands) needs to regard that wounded inner child as the most important person in the world, and be there for him wholeheartedly, with all his focus, attention and intention.

I imagine that you spent your Thanksgiving in your mother and sister’s home, that you are probably still there for the whole Thanksgiving weekend, just like you have been in years past. I wish you as pleasant rest of the stay with your family as possible, as free of conflict and strife as possible. And I wish you a better 2022 year than years past.

Also, congratulations for all your accomplishments, personally and professionally, including your much improved and practiced ability to regulate your emotions and promote healthier behaviors!

anita