Dear Dave:

You are welcome. We both like this format, so you can continue with this format for as long as you prefer it.

“I have visited my father a few times recently, and following his stroke and brain damage, he can become aggressive with me, which triggers a lot of feelings from childhood. I notice that following these visits, I have a peak in anxiety and am hyperaware” -I remember that you mentioned before that he’s been aggressive with you during visitations, but I don’t remember how I responded. It is clear to me this morning that you shouldn’t visit him: It is literally bad for your health!!! Is there a way to arrange for an in-home care service for him: someone other than you to visit him for the purpose of caring for him, being that he is disabled?

“I opened up to her about this and she was so comforting and supporting. Explaining that I am safe with her and to not be hard on myself for having these feelings” – excellent that you opened up to her and that she responded the way she did!!!

“I’m not quite sure why I am so hard on myself sometimes, I envy those who can be completely comfortable with themselves and even love themselves” – part of you still believes that you deserve rejection and hard treatment. It is not a true belief, but beliefs, true and false, are strong regardless, when they are energized by early-life emotions.

“I feel sometimes in this modern world, that there is a lot of stigma surrounding people who might be perceived as wanting love etc., like this might be seen as weakness. But you are right, it is a lovely thing to be passionate about love and connection” – there is such a stigma in society but part of you shares this stigma, perceiving and believing that longing for love is a weakness, a shameful thing. Another part of you thinks that it is a lovely thing. The first part is energized by strong early-life emotions; the second part is loosely held by later life thoughts and weaker emotions.

Healing is about weakening the first part and strengthening the second part.

“Kate and I had a nice weekend, but she unfortunately had an anxious moment… and I made every effort to comfort and support her. She was so thankful and since then, she has talked about how safe she feels with me and how amazing I was with her” – reading this is making my day a good day, thank you!

anita