Hi Anita,

next time a member posts about her struggles with having “the talk” with her boyfriend, or otherwise asserting herself in a relationship, can I direct her to your thread?

For sure, you are welcome to do that. I’m happy if my post can help at least 1 person have a relationship that they want. Reminder to myself (or anyone like me) we have a lot more power than what we think. How you communicate your feelings and thoughts are really powerful too.

The way to negotiate with another, be it in a private or in a business setting, is to negotiate from a position of power. I don’t mean abusive, or unfair power, of course.

Nobody can said it better. I don’t think the result will change that much in my case if I asked him in a lower position, but the balance of the relationship will fall to him who make/end, which will determine the course later on. And of course you have to lead with the power of love and high value of yourself, otherwise it will feel like manipulative moves.

 in regard to the relationship, he is your greatest source of information, not people who never met him.

I understand, however I feel more comfortable if  I understand my feelings(is it sad of him leaving? or is it hopeless that i can’t go with him) and what kind of options I can make, in this case, reading a lot from Nomad’s blog and other subreddit, so I know more perspective and also understanding his position better too. Maybe it’s a way to “control” my anxiety too, I feel it makes me double anxious if I didn’t understand the topic well enough, same with what exclusivity means in my head, so I have a clear answer and communication with him.

With that information I will then get to know his views , and also I will feel less of a burden who keeps asking this and that (maybe it’s not healthy to think myself as a burden, but I also don’t want to add to an ongoing worry like you said earlier)

What’s up with you Anita? I’m now in Thailand, last week they just had a Thai New Year celebration called “songkran” , and basically people will go to the streets and spray water to other people lol(some with bucket of water, some with watergun spray), it was a very fun and exciting culture they have here.

June