Heyy @Helcat thanks for your response! Yes I do think that is part of it. I have studied at this place before as well and have so many biases against it from that time as well, in fact its when I was studying there that I first developed my anxiety symtoms that Anita has also described in her reply. But since I have experienced burn out before I am also more anxious around enforcing my boundaries for time off, and it feels like a violation when someone tries to encroach on holidays. I also interpret it as them playing a control game (I’m the boss and I need to know you’re available whenever I ask).

In general, however I feel if someone is more respectful of my boundaries generally, I also have less of a reaction if they reach out over holidays (I feel in those cases that I know they wouldn’t  disrupt my time off unless it was an emergency) and the intent and energy of that interaction feels different.

I guess it is a conflict of – I feel like the hierarchical work environment is not a good fit for me, but I am also tempted by what is achievable in these environments and the amount of impact you can have + the benefits of being paid on time are pretty great (Ive worked in more lose environments where sometimes I wasn’t paid for months) so a part of me is trying to see if I can CBT myself enough to fitting into this environment.

M