Dear ElliR:

I am well, thank you, and good to read from you again! Last time you posted was on January 9, 2020, a bit over 2.5 years ago. You shared today that you have a fiancé (congratulations! you must have met him shortly after your last post). Recently you found out that his ex-girlfriend (whom you met and who “was always welcoming” to you) was “the first person on his searching list” on Facebook. You asked him about it, he denied, then admitted it and then he blocked her from his Facebook account.

“what is the best for me to do? I am feeling so confused and frustrated and I don’t know what to do. I am having second thoughts to break up with him, although we are going to get married next year. Could please give me some light to my situation?“-

-From the information you gave me, I don’t feel alarmed about the situation. On one hand, I understand that you are distressed: it’s understandable that any woman will be distressed finding out that her boyfriend or fiancé, or husband frequently followed another woman on social media, ex or not.

On the other hand, it is too easy to follow someone on Facebook: it takes seconds and the only effort required is moving the fingers on a key board. So, it’s not like he climbed mountains and crossed deserts so to check on her.

I am guessing that he was bored and he was in the habit of checking on her on Facebook. It is difficult to break habits, including habits that are not motivated by strong emotion. Once a habit is formed, it often takes a life of its own, becoming almost automatic, and this may be what’s behind him checking on her on Facebook.

It is a good thing that he blocked her: seems like what he needed to stop what I suspect to have been a habit,  was an interruption from the outside- and you provided the needed interruption.

What do you think about what I am suggesting here?

anita