Dear Eric:

“I really want to be able to lead my own life (June 24)…I think it’s too risky to wait” – a leader in one own’s life does not wait for another person, at least, not for long. A leader doesn’t stand behind anyone, waiting for the person in front to make the first move. A leader is in the front, making first moves.

“I can’t really improve much in terms of career as I’m helping my parents whereas she’ll aim on climbing the ladder in the corporate” – because you think a lot (overthink), everything is fast-forwarded in your mind: you can think about 10 years in five minutes. But ten years don’t really happen in five minutes… except in a person’s brain, in that distance between the two ears. And so, in real life, you and her would be talking about your goals and plans for weeks.. and about your feelings for each other, and over the course of months, things would become clearer and clearer and you’d take it from there.

“Because I also imagine a scenario where I can’t find girls I’m suitable with for the next 4-5 years and maybe I’d try my luck in chasing her again” – I wrote the above paragraph before I read this sentence, and interestingly, I was on the right track of thinking: you imagined 4-5 years in.. 4-5 minutes(?)

“Do u think this is a pointless way of thinking?“-

– I think that it’s pointless to think so much because what you need is to live life, not to think life.

“It sounds like I still hope for her is it?” – yes.

“I’ll still try to date other girls, I just feel like there’s no negative impact if I try to make my life better than her…. right?“-

– it seems like you figure that you have to do all the thinking before you do any of the living.. as if life was about perfecting an academic a-z essay, covering all scenarios, all possibilities before you apply the perfect essay into real action, real life.

“At that time I’ll be 27-28 years old, it’s not considered old right?” – I keep reading your post as I often read members’ posts: I read one part, reply and then read the next part, etc. Do you see in this part you fast forwarded about six years within seconds of thinking? You are trying to get all the answers for your academic essay of life.. before you start living.

“I feel like 30 years old is a deadline” – you fast forwarded 2-3 years more than in the pervious sentence, all in a few seconds… a minute perhaps.

“Yes, I really need to find a way for me to interact and meet with young women…. But there isn’t much activity in my city here, only badminton and golf… and I’m not good at both of it, also I tend to give up easily if I find things hard. Maybe I should just force myself to do those activities, as there is no other choice? The only thing I’m doing right now is going to the gym, and I’m not good at it…. My body hasn’t improved at all too…. But at least going to the gym fills my schedule which causes me to overthink less” –

– what I boldfaced right above is the reason why I say that you are in the process of leading your own life: you understand that life is about finding a way to interact and meet young women, to do activities, to go to the gym… to overthink less.

And most impressively, even though your body didn’t yet show improvement, you still attend the gym: this is real action, real initiative, real leadership!

I understand that there are only a few activities where you are living, and that you are working in your parents’ business (and not in the corporate world), etc., but guess what: all the overthinking does nothing to change this reality. So, yes: do badminton or golf… whatever activity is available to you in the location where you live!

anita