Jonathan,
Your suffering over the first rejection is completely understandable. I am sorry that you had to go through that. Know that it does not in any way diminish you or your value in any way simply because someone has told you that they would prefer not to date you. It is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that someone’s “rejection” of us is a reflection of who we are as a person. And it sounds like she still wants to be friends! Do not fret – life is full of these little happenings. I’m sure you have been in this girl’s shoes or if not you will be at some point. I know I have and when I have turned down someone’s romantic advances it is never because I do not like them or do not care for them or think that they are “bad” in anyway. It is usually because of my life circumstances being too messy or busy to sustain a romantic relationship. Or because I simply would prefer not to! It does not need to go any further than that. There does not need to be the extra thought, “Oh, I was rejected – there must be something wrong with me”

It sounds like the girl you met at church is into you! Are you into her? If she is avoiding making eye contact maybe she got the impression that you were not interested in her and so she is dealing with her own fears of rejection by avoiding you! See how the roles can reverse so quickly? On one hand you were wanting to get away from the first girl who rejected you and now this girl that you met at church is possibly avoiding you because perhaps she feels rejected by you? I don’t know – only you know the specific circumstances.

In terms of practical advice I would say that with the first girl do the best you can to be her friend. How wonderful it is to have a friend that you enjoy! At the same time though – take care of yourself! Goto yourself, goto that place that feels rejected and is in pain from this perceived “rejection”. Tell that place that it is ok and that there is nothing wrong with you or your feelings of rejection. It is natural to feel rejected but it is not because there is something wrong with you. And with the second girl – if you like her then talk to her! It seems that she likes you! Do not get stuck in patterns of aversion – aversion toward your own pain or aversion toward this new girl at your church. Just go on! If it doesn’t feel right right away then maybe provide more comfort and nurturing for yourself and soothe yourself back to health in order to heal from this first rejection. You are worth it! You have something in you that other people want to get to know and connect with – don’t get hung up on the people who aren’t right for it right now. A lot of these things are just a matter of timing. Take care of yourself – be kind to yourself – help yourself to heal.

-J.D.