Dear Rammi:

“It could be possible that he was conflicted that can explain the so much off and on“- he was conflicted, no doubt. It means he did not go about the relationship with you in a cold-hearted, planned evil kind of way. He went about it impulsively, often giving in to passion.

“but it’s so selfish of him not to share his thoughts and keep me in the dark“- and yes, he went about the relationship selfishly. He didn’t keep you in the dark though: he told you right from the beginning, “He said he’s not the same page” as you. (or was it a typo in your writing, did you mean to say that he said that he was on the same page as you?)

“And now to say they wouldn’t approve after 2.5 yrs without even taking to them doesn’t make sense to me”- like I suggested, I think that he knew all along that they will not approve because they shared with him repeatedly, I assume, what they would approve of in regard to a wife, and what they will not approve of.

“He did say his parents will eventually live with him, which I assured him won’t be a problem with me as it’s a norm in our culture”- but you couldn’t assure him that it wouldn’t be a problem with his parents to live with you as his wife. Plus, it would have been very much a problem with you (and with him) if they disapproved of you every day of your lives together.

“If he truly does find me attractive and love me why won’t he be willing to at least try? Or fight for us?”- because he doesn’t want to fight against his parents. He finds you attractive, but in his mind, his parents are very powerful: he wants their approval more than he wants you.

“I just feel he’s a coward who won’t stand by me“- it is very, very common in the Indian culture for a boy to be trained since childhood to be loyal to his parents and to follow their plan to live with him when he gets married.  And because the custom is that parents live with  their son and his wife, parents want to be the ones choosing the wife, so that their lives with the wife is pleasant for them. Quite selfish on the part of the parents, isn’t it?

anita