Dear Rammi:

I reread all your posts on your 3 threads and I want to bring up a few things that I noticed:

1) “I asked him why he said all those things to me a month ago? He said he didn’t want to lose me. I asked him if he’s ok with losing me now?“- paraphrased, he told you, as I understand it, that he lied to you before because if he told you the truth, he would have lost you. Your response to him (the italicized) suggests to me that all you heard was the losing-you part, not realizing that he just told you, paraphrased, that he lied to you. So the issue of him LYING was not addressed before the relationship resumed in Oct 2020, or after (?)

2) “So I got frustrated at the whole situation and told him not to call me till he tells his parents. The next day no call or text from him,  I called him in the evening and was just upset that he wouldn’t even try and talk to me”- it is understandable that you were emotional, and it seems that driven by strong emotion, being impulsive, you did not act in alignment with your words: you told him to not call you before he tells his parents, he didn’t, but you called him the evening after.

“he said let’s take some space and I declined and wanted to just break it off.  He agreed… I reached out to him a week after , he didn’t answer, I reached out again last week (1.5 month later)”- again, driven by strong emotion, you wanted a total and final breakup only to ..  not act in alignment with what you told him.

3) “we had little arguments but nothing major…after the argument of meeting my brother, he didn’t call or text me for a week. I asked him if he’s going to stop talking to me over an argument… he told me he didn’t want to spend the weekend with me and that he did just so we wouldn’t argue and he said he said those things to make me happy and he felt pressured… why is he breaking up with me after a good weekend together, over an argument.  He told me he would never leave me… broke up over a stupid argument in March 2021.. I wrote a text to him calling him a coward and always running away… I called him a p****“-

– your anger is understandable, but I wonder if within the context of relationships you are argumentative/ combative? Being argumentative in a relationship is counterproductive and unnecessary. It does not solve problems nor does it resolve conflicts. All it does is pressure the other party and promotes dishonesty because the other party is inclined to say whatever it takes to calm and appease the arguing party, including lying.. as well as  leaving/ running away from the combative person altogether.

In your first thread, regarding the strictly long-distance boyfriend, you wrote: “Every time I’d want to talk about what he did, he told me I can’t take your lectures and to stop bringing up the past over and over, when I was just trying to get some closure”- that guy repeatedly lied to you, and was wrong for you in more than one way, so I don’t value much of what he said. But no one lies all the time. I wonder if there is truth in the boldfaced, here (?)

Back to your current thread: “I’m not skinny… if I was skinny would age matter?… Is he shallow and embarrassed about what I look like…  There were def so many signs that something is not right. The constant breaking up over nothing“- what if the constant breaking up is not about you not being younger or skinny enough, and what if it is not over nothing: what if it is partly because of frequent, small and big arguments that you initiate, is it?

anita