Dear arabella:

“I had one too many drinks and got really inebriated and told him I missed… the sex… we just talked about how good our sex life was and how it was hard to replicate with someone else (it’s true)… I feel ashamed for the things I said when I was drunk, especially because some of it was true… Do you think I’m a terrible person and deserve to be left? I’m not even sure. I know I technically didn’t ‘cheat’ but I feel just as bad. Can someone help?“-

– I think that it is safe to say that your behavior with your ex was not honorable, and that it was cheating, although not technically. I think that if your boyfriend knew anything regarding the sex talk with your ex (or otherwise, about you enjoying sex more with the ex than with him), he would probably be devastated and likely, troubled for years to come, maybe for the rest of his life. I highly recommend that you don’t tell him, no matter how you feel and what happens in the future.

I don’t think that what happened indicates that you are a terrible person. I think that it indicates what alcohol does to people: inhibitions severely lessened, the person is not aware of the severity of what is happening. I think that you should accept that it was indeed shameful behavior on your part, and that it does not mean that you are a terrible person: not if you take precautions so that such a thing does not happen in the future.

Some people are so shame-resistant: denying that they did anything wrong, rationalize it, finding excuses, blaming others, etc., and in the future, they repeat the same kind of behavior because they never took responsibility for it. So, take responsibility and decide how to not repeat this kind of behavior.

Is your sex life with your new boyfriend… unsatisfactory?

anita