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Hi Emma
I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, likely for similar reasons to your husband. Your husband likely has this condition too. I have difficulties with watching certain content on television because it triggers my PTSD.
Your husband needs professional help. I have had therapy, quite a lot of it. You have been living with the side effects of his untreat condition for too long.
I do not blame other people for being able to watch and enjoy shows with content that triggers me. If I did, that would be controlling and abusive. I do not withhold and bottle up issues for years. I freely discuss issues when they occur with my husband. There is no wonder when all of the years of his resentment came out at once that you were not receptive to it.
You think he is being unfair, because he is. I think you have been a very patient partner and have endured much as a result of his untreat condition. Even today you suffer as a result of it.
The only question I have for you is do you still allow your family to treat him poorly? Has this behaviour changed? Honestly, it seems like the only thing you have “done wrong”. Lying about watching a tv show is an extremely minor issue.
I would suggest reading about verbal abuse. In my opinion, his behaviour is verbally abusive.