Hi Anita

Thank you for your kind wishes!

Yes, definitely advocate for yourself and have a talk with them about the cloth and the sore tongue. Perhaps you could call and discuss it before the appointment? Would that be reassuring?

I do agree about it being torture. I‘m sorry if it seemed like I was trying to minimize your experience before. I was just trying to be calm about the situation and not add to it. If that makes sense? Truthfully, I think you were very brave tolerating it for as long as you did. I would have panicked immediately.

Three appointments sounds daunting when there have been issues with the initial appointment. I can understand the apprehension.

I’m rooting for you whatever happens!

Things are not going so well for me today on the relationship front. A female friend of my husband was behaving inappropriately with him and he is not being understanding of my feelings about the situation.

Love and best wishes! 🙏❤️

Hi Anita

I’m sorry to hear about your challenging dentist visit and that they hurt your tongue. I think that it makes sense to be scared of something like that.

I’m not usually afraid of the dentist, but I had to get some teeth removed and I had a dentist whose hands were shaking. I walked out and scheduled the procedure with a different dentist.

These things are painful, stressful and it is important for them to be done correctly. Having a long appointment on top of all that is a lot. I wonder if you could bring music or something to distract you for your next appointment? Or were you doing something like that already?

I hope that the next one goes more smoothly!

It is so kind of you to write to people when you have a busy life. ❤️

Thank you for your kind wishes! Agreed, calm is so much better than the alternative.

Today, I found a lost dog and returned it to it’s owner. It made me think of my missing cat. A hopeful part of me thinks that it is good karma. Perhaps she will return? I don’t know. Wishful thinking maybe. I can dream. 😊

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Anita

Thank you for seeing me. ❤️ You make a lot of effort to always be there for people and treat them with kindness and respect. I have a lot to learn from you. 😊

You didn’t have to be there for me, but you chose to anyway. I appreciate that more than you can imagine.

I don’t like talking about people behind their back. Anything I share about him, I share with him. He is a good person, but there have been relationship difficulties since the baby. I think that sleep deprivation makes things worse. It is always around times where the baby is not sleeping and consequently we are not sleeping that things are worse.

You are right about feeling safe being important. I’m glad that since the pregnancy and the baby he has been more open with his feelings. He was very stoic for a large part of our relationship. There is a downside in that I don’t feel like he knows the best way to handle this because sharing is fairly new to him. I used to think that I was the sensitive one and that he wasn’t sensitive. But now I see that we both are and he used to hide or ignore his feelings.

I think that individual therapy is a good place for him to practice these skills. He seems to be picking things up quickly.

I really want communication to improve for the baby as well. Because we don’t have anyone to help us with childcare he is around when we are having disagreements. What an adult can cope with a child cannot and he understands more every day.

The couples counsellor is doing a good job of helping us to come up with strategies to manage this like talking when the baby is asleep.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Anita

It is very kind of you to think of me every day and to wonder how I’m doing.

Thank you for your kind wishes, as well as for the beautiful poem. I got her when I moved out on my own for the first time. She made me feel safe. I was afraid to live by myself because I had anxiety attacks when I was alone. My biological mother used to leave my brother and I alone for ages unsupervised when we were underage for that to happen and not say when she would be back.

I remember when I got the cat. She was being bullied by the other kittens, and I didn’t want her to be bullied anymore.

We’ve been to the same couple’s counsellor when I was pregnant. But this was the first session since the baby was born. My husband is also seeing an individual therapist.

Yes, I think we both feel like we cannot cope with anymore disagreements. Our nervous systems are overwhelmed. There is also a lot going on outside of the disagreements. Stress definitely adds to things.

It is difficult because often it is not about a specific thing. My feelings get hurt sometimes and my husband can tell even when I don’t say anything about it. And he wants to talk about it and I don’t and that makes him angry that I don’t want to talk to him about it. That’s how he explained it to me anyway.

He also explained that he doesn’t really want to leave, and the threatening to leave comes from a place of trying to push me away before I push him away.

My PTSD is quite bad because of the arguments. I have just been shutting down at the slightest hint of conflict. Even the idea that it might happen before it even does.

He is the kind of person who always wants to be there even if things are tough. He doesn’t like leaving things alone.

But for the first time he walked away and took time to himself when he was getting stressed. So that is one positive. I don’t know what will happen next. We are trying. But it is just hard.

I have been reading a lot about couples counselling and relationship advice. The theory is basically that he is hurt by me withdrawing. And he acts out when he’s hurt. He just wants connection. And I just keep withdrawing more and more. Because I withdraw when I’m hurt. I also want connection, but I don’t really feel safe emotionally.

He is still making an effort to try and be more affectionate and we are trying to spend more time together so there are some positives.

Thank you again for your support Anita!

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏