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Helcat

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  • #401085
    Helcat
    Participant

    I had an argument with my husband.

    I was feeling defensive about something that I didn’t do well. This was a trigger for me because my mother used to make up lame excuses as to why she planned to physically abuse me.

    I wasn’t entirely aware of the depth of that trigger until today.

    My pattern is to feel defensive, explain that I’m hurt and how to improve feedback in the future. I seek reassurance from my husband that he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings.

    I have a recurring thought. I’m afraid of being abused. I didn’t understand where this came from. I took it literally to mean my present day and as a result I am hyper-vigilant, looking for signs of abuse. The reality is that I’m afraid of my past abuse or the potential for abuse to reoccur.

    I don’t think this pattern is helpful. I will tell my husband when the trigger is active. Now that I’m aware of the specific trigger I can remind myself that the situation is different. I’m safe, loved and not going to be physically abused because I didn’t do something perfectly. The real reason for the abuse was not something that I did, but that my mother was seeking the power she felt while abusing us.

    #400908
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Lea!

    I’m wondering how your parents respond to walking away from them when they start arguing?

    You are doing the best you can to advocate for yourself and they are being unreasonable. It reminds me of my own family.

    How I coped when living with a moody parent was by refusing to engage with that type of behaviour.

    None of this is your fault. It sounds like they are having difficulty adjusting to you being an adult. Many parents do. You are doing what any adult would do, express your own desires and advocating for yourself when you are treated unfairly.

    They are taking you pointing out their mistakes very personally, when they should be praising your growth for being able to do so.

    #400896
    Helcat
    Participant

    Happy birthday Eric!

    I’m sorry that today has been a tough day emotionally for you. Today of all days, you deserve happiness.

    Personally, I have never received birthday cakes from friends. Cherish those memories! You’re right priorities do change for some people as they age. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing though, just a different thing. It sounds like they cherish the memories of being friends with you in high school and university, but as you said have lost touch living in different areas, moving on with their lives.

    I hope that you take extra special care of yourself today to soothe these birthday blues. You do deserve to be happy! Perhaps you could watch a favourite to show or movie?

    It’s good that your close friends reached out to wish you well on your birthday and that you got a birthday cake from your family. I hope you can arrange to do something fun to celebrate with your close friends at some point!

    #400878
    Helcat
    Participant

    You might want to consider why you feel the need to insult and verbally abuse people that you disagree with while pretending that it’s compassion.

    #400877
    Helcat
    Participant

    *Or was the trigger how she responded?

    #400876
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Lea

    I’m sorry that experience made you feel so bad that you threw up and developed a headache. That tells me exactly how bad it was for you. These symptoms only occur under extreme stress.

    It’s very good that you were able to practice self-care and knew exactly how to handle your panic attack. I’m glad that you are feeling a bit better now.

    Do you think talking to someone from that time was a trigger for you?

    A good rule for sharing intimate information with people is considering, do you trust them? If you trust them they are more likely to respond with empathy. I wouldn’t worry, it sounds like this person didn’t know how to respond to the situation. I’m sure it didn’t trouble the person and they will go about their day as normal.

    #400866
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi everyone!

    Had to take a short break from posting because it was a busy and stressful week!

    Today’s topic is physical pain so I’m going to reflect on my experience of it.

    Muscle tension is painful, yet I use muscle tension to suppress pain as it protects weak or painful areas.

    From a physiological perspective pain is related to nerves. Nerve impulses are generated and travel up the spinal cord, to be interpreted by the brain.

    Several things adversely affect pain sensitivity, muscle tension, lack of sleep, stomach issues, stress, menstruation etc.

    Several things cause physical pain, inflammation, muscle weakness, structural issues, lack of activity, over exertion, cold etc.

    When my health was so poor I couldn’t stand or walk I needed a reason to get out of bed. I just wanted to take care of my dogs. This was enough of a reason for me to try and push through the worst pain. Ironically, now my health is under better control I am more pain avoidant. I am afraid of the level of pain that I was in when I couldn’t walk.

    It takes me at least a month for my pain levels to adjust to a new activity. It is difficult to face, considering that I will need to do this repeatedly for each new activity. I will have to find a way through this plateau!

    Some additional unrelated thoughts. Just as we would manage a healthy diet by being mindful of what we eat. A lot of Buddhist literature encourages us to consider what we allow into our lives and how it affects us. Who we spend time with? What we spend our time doing? More thoughts on this tomorrow!

    #400865
    Helcat
    Participant

    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Hi everyone!</span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Had to take a short break from posting because it was a busy and stressful week!</span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Today’s topic is physical pain so I’m going to reflect on my experience of it. </span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Muscle tension is painful, yet I use muscle tension to suppress pain as it protects weak or painful areas.</span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>From a physiological perspective pain is related to nerves. Nerve impulses are generated and travel up the spinal cord, to be interpreted by the brain.</span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Several things adversely affect pain sensitivity, muscle tension, lack of sleep, stomach issues, stress, menstruation etc.</span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Several things cause physical pain, inflammation, muscle weakness, structural issues, lack of activity, over exertion, cold etc.</span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>When my health was so poor I couldn’t stand or walk I needed a reason to get out of bed. I just wanted to take care of my dogs. This was enough of a reason for me to try and push through the worst pain. Ironically, now my health is under better control I am more pain avoidant. I am afraid of the level of pain that I was in when I couldn’t walk. It takes me at least a month for my pain levels to adjust to a new activity. It is difficult to face, considering that I will need to do this repeatedly for each new activity. I will have to find a way through this plateau!</span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Some additional unrelated thoughts. Just as we would manage a healthy diet by being mindful of what we eat. A lot of Buddhist literature encourages us to consider what we allow into our lives and how it affects us. Who we spend time with? What we spend our time doing? More thoughts on this tomorrow!</span></p>

    #400863
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi @Peter

    I’m sorry that you were hurt so deeply by religion. I’m glad that you have found your way through that pain.

    Not to worry at all! My idea of God has evolved too. Personally, I think organised religion which is very much a human construct is where the very human flaws creep in. Perhaps this is how we as a society have tried to make sense of it?I wonder can we even conceive of something so far outside the human experience?

    I believe more generally, in a higher power. I believe that there is something bigger than ourselves.

    Thank you for explaining your concept of G_d in more detail. It was beautiful! I am reminded of Buddha nature.

    #400751
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Deci

    Clearly I’ve pushed some buttons. I’ll leave you in peace. It’s a shame that we couldn’t get along amicably. Good luck with your ruthless compassion!

    #400742
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Deci!

    I hope you don’t mind me commenting. I know we have had philosophical differences in the past. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

    There is an ancient taoist fable about a sheepherder boy who transcends the requirements of convention (maintenance of worldly concerns akin to duty), by changing the nature of his duty without violating the basis of what constitutes one’s natural relationship with creation.

    I would like to learn more about the parable. Does it describe how he achieved these things?

    I noticed that a lot of the Buddhist books I’m reading contain descriptions of terminology. that explain these concepts.

    Would you be able to include descriptions of terminology for those that are unfamiliar with it? Or perhaps bold or italic key words in the future so we can Google them ourselves?

    Being here and now without employing psychological patterns habitually differentiating before and after, self and other, is already the light turned around. The terminology is only words, not the reality. The work of self-refinement is the dissolution of the mental patterns veiling authentic presence.

    This is something that I have been learning about and identifying in my own life. It is interesting identifying the thoughts that occur as a result of a psychological trigger. I hope to practice stepping back from them.

    One’s partnership with creation is proven by seeing Change. One sees Change by not following its changes unawares. How difficult is that? How difficult is it to not follow thoughts unawares?

    Would you say that what I shared above is related to what you shared in this quote?

    Delusion and Reality are not different. The real knowledge of inconceivable reality is simply unified awareness as oneself without including or excluding the individual.

    My understanding of delusion and reality Is that they are two parts of a whole. Personally, I like the word perspective. We all have our own unique perspectives and interpret the world through a lens of our previous experiences.

    Sometimes language can cause misunderstandings as we all interpret it based on our own assumptions. Just as with book reports where we are asked to identify themes. We do this every day. I always hated book reports because I felt that the conclusions we draw from material might not have been intended by the author.

    Perhaps reality is a combination of, how we interpret content, how everyone else interprets content and how the original author intended for it to be interpreted? What do you think?

    Some people break down the idea of what makes up a human being as the ego and the watcher. Do you agree with this?

    I think one difficulty is that sometimes people can attach to their circumstances. I know in the past I have identified with a mental health condition, past experiences or a physical health condition. I have been afraid of change. These are all ego.

    It is hard to describe the rest though. Understanding that it is all fluid and subject to change? Having distance from the psychological triggers so they don’t drive decision making?

    Thank you once again for sharing your thoughtful insights.

    #400718
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Mollie!

    It is good to hear that you have found some techniques that help you! Thank you for sharing them. These tips are great advice and I’m sure they will be helpful to many people.

    #400711
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Lea!

    That’s very kind of you to say! But I don’t think I’ve overcome it all. Even with some recovery there is still more to healing to do.

    I would like to be able to study in a physical classroom one day. I would like to feel comfortable around people of any age and gender. I would like to make friends. I would like to develop confidence. I would like to work part-time. I would like to drive. I would like to physically recover more so I am able to take care of all of my responsibilities and experience less pain. I would like to be able to cope with stress well. I would like to reduce my anxiety even further.

    On the plus side, I feel like my life is just beginning and I am hopeful.

    #400700
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi HeartbeatCity!

    You have a very engaging way of writing. You come across as quite a romantic soul.

    I’m wondering how you feel about Alicia? Also would you like to talk about what happened with Amie?

    #400698
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Celeste!

    I’m glad to hear that you have been taking very good care of your health after your surgery. You have a lot of good ideas about what to do next in your life.

    I’m wondering what made you feel stuck in your initial post?

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 254 total)