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Helcat

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 416 total)
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  • #407191
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Tara

    Domestic violence organizations can sometimes make arrangements to take animals with you.

    #407187
    Helcat
    Participant

    A member shared that their partner had bruised their wrists and threatened them calling the experience a bipolar moment. I assume that the member understands what the word bipolar means and is referring to a condition that the  partner has.

    To clarify, I didn’t criticize the member. I simply provided information debunking the myth of bipolar and violence.

    A context regarding suggesting that I was lying was not provided until I pointed out that it was offensive.

    You interpreted the message regarding the member who spoke about issues with low emotional intelligence as criticism. But I didn’t report that post because it wasn’t inappropriate. I clarified this point in a non-direct way for the member to affirm that if things don’t get better despite trying really hard that is okay. In this way, by talking to you I am not suggesting that the member could be on one side of the fence or the other.

    When I have criticised you is when you verbally abused a member, accused another member of lying and creating multiple accounts, when you brought up inflammatory religious beliefs which derailed an otherwise peaceful post. I ended up reporting the latter member, as the homophobic quotes they responded with were excessive.

    #407170
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi aVoid!

    It’s good to hear that you have been practising mindfulness and feel like you’re healing and generally doing better. It’s great that you’ve quit smoking too, well done!

    You’re very aware of your triggers with alcohol, I’m sure that this will help you manage your alcohol consumption in the future. Well done again on stopping drinking when you felt like you had enough. It’s a shame that after you stopped drinking you continued to get drunk and you accidentally flooded your bathroom. I’m glad that you made it out of that experience safely.. If it makes you feel better once I somehow managed to flood my mom’s bathroom while sober. 😂

    It’s good to hear that you have been tidying up too. Sounds like you are making a lot of good progress. Keep up the good work!

    #407166
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Alecsee

    I’m sorry that you are still feeling sad as a result of the dating situation. I can empathise with your pain as I’ve been in similar situations myself and like you, I prefer to be committed to one person. Dating is so tricky and painful! It is awful being vulnerable, building a connection with someone only to be rejected. It is awful trying to make connections that fall apart before they even begin too!

    I’m sure that in time you will meet someone suitable that you are compatible with. It can be  difficult to find a life partner. Patience will be a virtue. Just remember that rejection in dating isn’t personal. You can even love someone and sometimes things just don’t work out. It didn’t work out, she rejected you and you rejected her. It is painful but it happens. You will heal in time and learn to guard your heart a little more.

    A saying I have when it comes to dating is that you don’t truly know someone until you have lived with them and seen them experience hardship. A good life partner will be someone that you can live with happily, that respects you and doesn’t waver because of difficulties. Wishing you luck on your dating journey!

    #407165
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Dan

    It is interesting to learn that the father of the children is abusive. That makes sense. I was wondering why he stopped providing childcare during the pandemic?

    Would you mind explaining a little more about how at times you don’t take care of your own needs?

    I can tell that you are a loving husband. Thank you for the added details regarding sleeping arrangements. I was confused because previously I thought you slept in the basement upon your wife’s request. It is a shame that you have a snoring issue, I hope that you sought medical advice to treat it because snoring can be a sign of sleep apnea.

    The situation with your ex-wife sounds very complicated with an abusive father to her children and a sick mother she needs to care for. No wonder she is feeling burnt out. It must be very stressful for you too to be on the receiving end of these circumstances. It is good that you have been working with a therapist. I’m sure that this will be helpful and help you work through the situation. I hope in time, that the pain you are experiencing lessens. Please take extra care of your needs during this difficult time.

    #407164
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Tara

    I’m very sorry to hear that you are still experiencing verbal abuse and coercive control from your parents.

    I would suggest that their behaviour is abnormal even for a teenager. I did not have my phone tracked, I was not verbally abused for attempting to date as a teenager.

    I would suggest seeking the aid of a local woman’s domestic violence organisation. These organisations provide support to women for a wide variety of circumstances including verbal abuse and coercive control. Support is usually provided for abuse from anyone you live with. Perhaps they would be able to assist you with planning to move out of your parents home?

    #407156
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    I’m glad to see that you have returned from urgent care.

    “Did it really happen?” suggests that it didn’t happen, which in turn suggests that I’m lying. It may not be your intent to suggest this, but these connotations are a direct result of the phrasing and language used.

    Please feel free to reply, if desired.

    There are community guidelines for this forum which recommend that we create a positive and respectful environment. For the most part, people largely follow these rules, yourself included. As a long time member, other members frequently mistake you for the creator of the site, or at least a moderator. I seem to remember that you explained that this was not the case. However, that doesn’t mean that people don’t respect you or that your words don’t hold a tremendous amount of weight as a long standing member of the community. Quite the opposite is true in fact.

    You have helped a lot of people and you can be very kind. But sometimes you treat an occasional member of this community with disrespect, as you have done in the quote above.

    I stopped commenting on your disrespectful comments to other members since 3rd Sept, I decided to only report and that I would not clarify why unless you ask for an explanation.

    Regarding September 11th, I replied to the original poster who purported that her abusive partner was abusing her because of his bipolar condition. This statement was offensive to the many, many people with bipolar who aren’t violent and don’t abuse their partners.

    I did report your later comment which suggested that an individual with bipolar or schizophrenia could snap and kill someone for the same reason.

    If I say something inappropriate, I welcome criticism. As I have previously mentioned, I can be lacking in emotional intelligence at times due to a learning difficulty.

    I’m curious about the issues you have with my comments that highlighted disrespect present in your comments? I apologise if they disrupted your feelings of peace and safety. I did my utmost to be respectful while making you aware of behaviour that you might not have realised was disrespectful.

    If you wish to return to ignoring me again, that is your decision. Personally, I would prefer to discuss and resolve issues.

    #407033
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Dan

    So… your ex-wife regularly sleeps next to her 10 year old son. This is abusive. A 10 year old boy who at this stage would be well aware of his sexuality. A 10 year old boy wouldn’t ordinarily choose this, this tells me that your ex-wife encouraged him to sleep next to her.

    You say that 10 and 14 are young. It’s not. But at their age, they are doing some things that they shouldn’t be doing. This tells me that there is some manipulation going on. A 10 and a 14 year old shouldn’t be crying when their mum sees her ex-husband. Who is encouraging them to cry I wonder? Who encouraged them to resent you?By not having any boundaries with her son, your ex-wife was definitely involved. I wonder if their father is involved too?

    I have a question. After the room was made up for the son and he still ended up sleeping with your ex-wife and her mom moved in. Why didn’t you sleep in his bedroom instead of on the couch? I’m assuming that he has a single sized bed.

    Can you explain a little more about your neediness? Because all I can see is you being treat poorly and you accepting it. I actually feel angry about the way you were treat. I’m surprised that you don’t feel angry about it too.

    #407024
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    We haven’t discussed that much, only less intense topics or subjects that I have previously discussed with my therapist. I have experienced multiple severe traumas in my life. This is why I have a C-PTSD diagnosis. I am less willing to discuss more traumatic incidents, I think that is understandable considering that many of these events are triggers. This conversation has been triggering for me.

    You might have good intentions when you question people asking them if things really happened, but it is hurtful. It’s very similar to accusing them of lying. I would suggest you stop asking this question on the forum. It is understandable that you have concerns about truth on an anonymous forum, but it isn’t helpful to share that.

    I have experienced issues with feeling powerless. I felt powerless as a child and at times as an adult. When I was raped, I felt powerless. When I was unable to walk for 6 months and felt like I was dying due to health issues, I felt powerless. I hated and blamed myself for being powerless. I did learn to stop hating myself for that though. What is an interesting pattern is that these were all times in my life that I felt suicidal.

    I would say that to some extent pain does elicit feelings of powerlessness as I don’t have control over it. I have anxiety with situations that I am uncertain of what the outcome will be. A type of powerlessness perhaps? It doesn’t carry the same intensity of emotion though.

    I don’t know how to make peace with feelings of powerlessness. For me, it is intrinsically tied  to severe trauma. It would be like, forgive the hyperbole “accepting the feeling of being raped”.

    As always, thank you for your kindness. You have given me a lot to think about.

    Wishing you good health and peace! Please let me know about how your trip to urgent care goes. I don’t need any details. I would just like to know if and when you are safe. 🙏

    #407007
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Good luck with your health treatment! Thank you for taking the time to write to me even though you are sick. I will be praying for you, I hope this is okay?

    We can discuss all of this another time when you are feeling better. I hope that medical staff take good care of you and you feel better soon.

    #407006
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Dan

    I’m sorry to hear about your separation and heartbreak.

    You’re a very kind understanding person giving your ex-wife a good settlement on the house.

    I don’t necessarily understand why the separation happened. From my understandig, her 10 year old son got jealous a couple of years into the relationship? Is this correct? It seems like there is a lack of boundaries for the child.

    And she is caring for her sick mother. I can understand feeling overwhelmed with childcare and caring responsibilities. I don’t really understand how that impacted your relationship. Lots of people have children and relatives to care for.

    #407002
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Ivygrl

    I’m sorry to hear that you are dealing with some tough emotions and feel invisible.

    Personally, I feel like your mom is wrong about reading online. I do most of my reading exclusively online, is an excellent resource.

    Regarding the journal, you manage to write here. A journal would be very similar except perhaps you don’t share it with others.

    It sounds like you could have some impulse control issues. I would imagine though that sometimes you do successfully control them.

    I would imagine that not every time you interact with someone you would cry, or scream, or be rough. Perhaps these things only happen when things build up and become too much to cope with? I would imagine something similar happened with stealing?

    When you are someone who makes mistakes it is important to apologize to make up for the mistakes. People will give you some leeway because of your condition. But your good behaviour outside of when you lose control can help a lot. People will learn that you are a good person who sometimes struggles.

    I disagree that these things are your fault or unfixable. You are learning and growing up, things will get easier to manage in time. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You are judging yourself by your most challenging moments. What is an average day for you?

    #407001
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    There is no rush! Please don’t worry.

    #406993
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Please feel free to analyse away and share your understanding. I appreciate the time and effort that you put into your messages.

    #406989
    Helcat
    Participant

    I have been managing to control ruminating on my worries for the past couple of days. But I’m learning there is more to anxiety than worried thoughts.

    So far, I see three elements to anxiety. Rumination on thoughts, the emotion existing with the body and situations that act as triggers for anxiety.

    Behind each situation, there is a worry. The scheduling conflict caused me to be concerned about the impact on another coworker. The job interview caused me to question my ability. Did I do a good enough job?

    I read an article that mentioned victim language and power language.

    Here is the result of my changing the language.
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>If my coworker is upset, it is a result ofmy supervisor’s decision making. It’s not my fault. Perhaps my coworker won’t even be upset, perhaps she will be understanding.</span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>I just have to wait and see what comes of the interview. The interviewer said that I did a good job answering the questions. The previous interviewer said that I did a good job too. I could  see an interview coach for some advice.</span></p>

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 416 total)