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Helcat

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 791 total)
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  • #431990
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Seaturtle

    Ah so you always had something to do growing up. Perhaps this is why sometimes there is a feeling when you don’t have something to do?

    I’m sorry to hear that you haven’t been doing art because of your roommate. Does she treat you any differently if you do make a mess for a few days?

    My mother was very arty. As a person she was very tidy, but her art corner in the kitchen was always messy and always there. It would be nice for you to have the freedom to do something like that if you wanted. I would suggest having a deep conversation with your roommate. You should be allowed to do art, something you love, it is your house too. Perhaps if there is something that she would like the freedom to do, that could be a part of the conversation?

    I can understand that, people change, relationships change and they don’t necessarily stay in your life forever.

    For me, it is family and a moral decision to stay in contact. If it was just myself, I wouldn’t be in contact. But I have a son and it would hurt the person not to be allowed to see him.

    That’s a very good insight about your mother oversharing!

    I’m sure that in time you will find a suitable therapist. You do have time, so it makes sense to find someone that fits.

    Regarding your friend. I did wonder if she had adhd or autism when you mentioned that she talked a lot. It’s not an excuse, it’s a serious condition and part of who she is. She will never be able to talk less, so please give her some grace and understand that she doesn’t mean to be rude. Imagine how difficult it is for her to hear from many people how they don’t like something that is a large part of her and that she has no control over. This is a difficulty that she will face.

    It does sound like she is just suffering from depression during the worst year of her life, it’s potentially going to be difficult for her to control her negativity. When you tire of it, I suggest taking some time for away for yourself. That way she can take care of herself and you can take care of yourself.

    Love and best wishes! 🙏❤️

    #431987
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Sha

    I’ve also had anxiety around failing during my studies.

    Where do you think this fear of failure is coming from? Is there a trigger?

    Have you failed in your studies or anything else before? If so, how did it affect you?

    Sometimes, I found that I needed to get used to a level of anxiety and try to study anyway. Sometimes the feeling went away while I was studying. Being in the best mood I could before trying to study was helpful for me as well as taking breaks.

    Please show yourself some grace and compassion because ultimately, making mistakes is part of the learning process.

    Wishing you all the best! ❤️🙏

    #431909
    Helcat
    Participant

    Thank goodness for naps, massages and my husband! Absolute life savers.

    Dinner was lovely.

    It was amazing seeing my son use his seat on his stroller for the first time. I think I was as excited as he was. He kept staring at everything and didn’t want to sleep like he usually does.

    My cat let my son pet her. This is a pretty big deal because she hates children. I think she enjoys playing with his toys.

    My sister was really great with my son. It was nice to see her.

    Taking better care of myself is a work in progress, but it does seem to be helping me feel better about my body. I always like having my hair cut. It makes me feel like a person again.

    #431895
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Everyone

    Today I’m going to talk about the nervous system and the role in chronic pain. This can also be helpful for anxiety too. Some of you might already be well versed in this.

    So main parts I’ll be discussing today are the sympathetic nervous system (related to fight or flight) and the parasympathetic nervous system (related to relaxation).

    Stress, exercise, some regularly consumed medicines or intoxicants wearing off and lack of sleep are the main things that trigger the sympathetic nervous system and increase pain sensitivity.

    The parasympathetic nervous system which decreases pain sensitivity can be activated by a few different things. Stimulating the vagus nerve can be helpful. Things that can be helpful include massaging the base of the skull and neck, yawning repeatedly, shaking your whole body for a couple of minutes, singing, laughter, splashing cold water on your face. There is a ton of information out there for anyone interested.

    Breathing exercises are really helpful too, specifically diaphragm breathing. Also, an important factor in breathing exercises is to have a prolonged exhale for maximum effect.

    Everything has a balance and whilst exercise stimulates the sympathetic nervous system, after exercise, the parasympathetic nervous system is activated. So, it can be helpful to exercise regularly to allow your body to practise this balancing effect.

    Wishing everyone all the best! ❤️🙏

    #431885
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Everyone

    After 2 days of being woken every 1-2 hours he has finally gone down for the night again. Teething put him off his bottle and it was hunger disturbing him.

    Thank God for naps…

    Thank goodness he’s sleeping better again.

    Increased pain, increased anxiety, some anger.

    I hope he’ll be in a better mood during the day because his sleep wasn’t disturbed.

    I’m glad that I will get to sleep again.

    #431850
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Everyone

    Today was a unique day. My son has been teething like crazy and kept waking me every 1-2 hours. Hopefully, the medicine will help him to sleep through the night. He is certainly in better spirits after taking it. I’m glad that he is starting to feel a little better.

    My emotional regulation was a bit lacking because of the sleep disturbance. Some anxiety and anger arose.

    Thinking about how my son is feeling helped me to focus. And reflecting on my own experiences of teeth issues over my life. It must be tough for a baby. Then I tried to figure out how to help him.

    A local mum was kind enough to help show me a shortcut.

    And my neighbour was kind to get some things to help with my son’s teething. It was nice chatting with her too.

    It was nice being together as a family at the end of the day.

    Wishing ya’ll all the best! 🙏❤️

    #431848
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Tommy

    I’m glad to hear that you aren’t beating yourself up. That is honestly fair. I have faith that you will figure things out.

    I don’t know if anyone is better suited. I feel like the more voices are better than less. Different people require different things. I know that I have gotten a lot from our conversations, as well as the conversations you have had with others. I value your compassion and unique insights and I believe that others do as well.

    Regarding the farmer story, these things are true. The difficulty is that everyone is different and we cannot see the future. It seems like an impossible question. If you find the answer, please let me know.

    I wish you luck figuring things out! ❤️🙏

    #431826
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Seaturtle

    I left a long message yesterday, but I believe I forgot something.

    Does recognizing your false self help you to find your true self? Do you think that at the core, all of our true selves are morally/ and belief aligned?

    Yes and yes. The goal is to learn to see situations as they are without the added pain of the past. This is easier said than done when trauma is involved. Healing the initial trauma and being able to address the past pain separately is important. Therapy is helpful with this.

    There are times when people act against their true beliefs and it hurts them. It is said that everyone has buddha nature. In Buddhism there is a journey to Enlightenment that takes many lifetimes.

    #431825
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Seaturtle

    I finally caught up to the break up. You really have been through a lot in recent months. COVID, a hurt knee and the surgery ontop of a difficult break up! You’ve been through so much, it’s nice to see you starting to heal and come out of the other side.

    Would you like to hear my thoughts about the relationship and breakup? If you don’t want to at the moment, if you do in the future you can leave a message and let me know in the event that you do.

    Wishing you all the best! ❤️🙏

    #431824
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Tommy

    Are you lacking compassion? To me your intent was compassionate? It simply didn’t work out as intended. If only everyone could feel better with a quick shock.

    A large part of this forum is not knowing how things are going to turn out. People come here in pain. You try and help as best you can and they leave.

    I remember when I had therapy. The goal of therapy and even here is for people to learn to help themselves. In the moment, a person might not be ready. I know I wasn’t. But we have memories and if you share something that one day might be useful, that is a job well done.

    You apologised. You live and you learn. You can stop beating yourself up now.

    Wishing you all the best! ❤️🙏

    #431809
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Everyone

    For a long time, I was unable to express anger, instead I repressed it. In more recent years, I have been in touch with my anger but it has been disproportionate. I’ve been working on the link between anxiety and anger recently. I’m thankful that I had two days where I didn’t feel any anger.

    I had fun watching a stand up comedian on Netflix.

    It has been beautiful outside recently. It’s nice that the days are longer and warmer.

    I’m looking forward to taking my son swimming for the first time.

    I really enjoyed my soup and a sandwich for lunch today.

    I’m thankful for my acupuncturist helping me with an issue with my core after the surgery. I’m hopeful that physiotherapy will help.

    My son started fake coughing. I didn’t know that babies did that. He had me worried for a bit there. He’s such a character. I think his first word is going to be boob. 😂

    He’s growing so quickly.

    The dog who took months to warm up to him now let’s him ride her like a horse. It’s beautiful to see. He already loves dogs and tries to pet them and they give him kisses. They’re going to be excellent companions.

    It’s nice spending time with my husband and relaxing.

    I definitely feel like taking care of my body more is helping. I’m glad for that.

    Wishing ya’ll all the best! ❤️🙏

    #431796
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Seaturtle

    Happy Birthday btw! 🎂🎈🎁🎉 I hope you have a really good party. It sounds amazing! 😊

    I think sometimes upbringing and societal expectations can make people uncomfortable with relaxing. I know that it used to make me feel that way. Relaxing is really important though. Perhaps you could experiment with different things and see what you like best? I learned that usually whatever I choose to do, is usually what I want to do in that moment. I found it helpful to make peace with that. There is 100% nothing wrong with watching a movie.

    But if you would like to do something productive to fill some time, reflect on your interests and core values. I’m sure that you will be able to come up with some ideas. I found it helpful to have a list of ideas of things to do for when I get bored.

    How did your parents handle it when you or they were bored?

    I think wanting negativity to leave your body is part of letting go. It’s important for grounding yourself, but I guess tempering that with patience and self compassion is important. If you were bullying yourself for not being able to move on quickly for example. That could be another example of false self because our inner critic picks up patterns from other people. It can be difficult to let go of things.

    There can also be compulsions to ruminate on things that hurt us. In psychology there is an idea that people are drawn to what is normal for them. So for kids who are abused, their state of “normality” is abuse. These once children, now adults can go on to psychologically abuse themselves to maintain a state of “normality” once they have been removed from an abusive situation. I don’t know if that makes any sense? It is possible to change these patterns and it involves a lot of relaxation techniques, practising healthy boundaries, communication and self-compassion.

    It is difficult to say because it varies from person to person, situation to situation. Any confrontation even polite, if the person isn’t receptive might not help. But it can be worth it if it involves setting a boundary that is healthy for ourselves. It really is down to you to decide what is best.

    I will add that the person who I change the topic of conversation with isn’t receptive to discussing these things and has severe depression. I just repeatedly change the topic of conversation over and over otherwise we would be talking about what is depressing them the whole time.

    When there are other people it’s easier because I can just talk to someone else when I’m mentally checked out.

    Another good one when you are interrupted is, interrupting back and say “Sorry I was actually saying…” and continuing on with what I was talking about. In my culture, in groups people are often talking over each other, so it’s quite loud and tends to be lots of people talking over each other. No one says sorry at that point, but no harm is meant. 😂

    Everyone has their personal choices. I think if you try and help someone and they don’t have good boundaries it can set the tone for that being the entire relationship. I prefer friendships to be two sided as opposed to one sided. It’s very difficult to change things once that has happened. It can be painful to not receive support from a friend. If someone has good boundaries it’s easier because you help each other and it’s not one sided.

    Wishing you all the best! ❤️🙏

    #431767
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Blueman

    I’m sorry to hear that you broke up with your girlfriend after 1.5 months. You mentioned anxiety and negative thinking being problems in the relationship and described yourself as boring and inauthentic. You regret it and are feeling guilty and ashamed now.

    You do sound like you are being hard on yourself. Anxiety lies to us, and by it’s nature is a form of self abuse. When another person abuses us it’s easier to set boundaries. But what to do when it is yourself?

    The answer lies in self-compassion. Practice being kind to yourself. What would you say to a good friend in the same position?

    Take some time to practice self-care. Relax. Stop beating yourself up. Relationships end. Sometimes things are just not meant to be.

    Unless there is something awful that you are leaving out and need to get off your chest?

    What helps move past guilt and regret is to learn from my mistakes. Reflect and learn how to not repeat the same mistakes. Apologise sincerely if anyone was hurt. And after reflecting understand your circumstances and context. Why did you behave in that way? Show yourself compassion for your mistakes. To err is human.

    Wishing you all the best! ❤️🙏

    #431742
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Everyone!

    Today I’m reconnecting with my core muscles and practicing diaphragmatic breathing. It’s been very relaxing.

    I’ve been trying really hard to relax. I’m thankful for the opportunity. I was lucky to get a nap yesterday too.

    I think I might be losing weight but is hard to tell. I see it in my face, that is usually how I tell. It could be the mirror though. I will just keep going and we will see.

    I have been finding it difficult to squeeze in my physiotherapy exercises. Yesterday, I made the effort to find the time. I will try to get into the habit of doing them every day because it is really important.

    My favourite thing with my son is that he laughs and smiles when I give him kisses.

    It’s nice just to hold my husband’s hand or get a hug.

    We made melon jelly, it’ll be interesting to see how it turns out.

    Wishing everyone all the best! 🙏❤️

    #431736
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Seaturtle

    I think posts get reviewed when they are long?

    I feel like you are a very kind, thoughtful and wise person Seaturtle. It’s wonderful to hear your insights.

    It’s great to hear that you practice meditation! The headspace app is great. I enjoyed their Netflix stuff too.

    There is a Buddhist meditation I read about that you may find interesting to try. You may have come across something similar before. It’s good for when you notice that your false self arises, say when you are feeling triggered or ruminating. When these things happen, you can notice feelings of stress arising in your body. For me, my breathing might change, heart rate might increase, parts of the body might tense up. The idea is to notice these feelings in your body one by one and sit with the feeling, give it an opportunity to relax and open up.

    I feel like any meditation that helps you to feel love and calm is a good way to see things as they are.

    Buddhism has a lot of information about seeing things as they are. The idea is that everyone has their own unique perspective. Different people are hurt by different things for example. Then there is the circumstance as it is without emotion. Like if a tree fell in a forest with no one around. The truth is all of these things make a whole. So practicing seeing the whole is a good idea.

    I would say that the easiest way to tell if you are falling into patterns of your false self would be to reflect on your emotional state. Are you feeling calm? If so, probably not. If you are feeling stressed, then it’s possible. Do your thoughts remind you of anyone you know? Have you heard something similar before? Remember the absorbing patterns from other people and experiences.

    A lot of things that my mothers said to me when I was a child pop up when I’m feeling stressed. But my mind presents it to me initially as if I’m saying it. When I remember that they used to say something similar it helps me to realize that it isn’t me, but a memory.

    I think that stress bringing out these false patterns can make us act against our nature.

    For example, I value kindness and understanding. But when I’m feeling triggered my thoughts become distrusting, feeling like people are intentionally hurting me and become defensive. You see my pattern of the false self?

    I’m not sure if you’ve tried this with your negative friend, but I find this to be helpful when interacting with negative people. I start by asking how they are letting them express their feelings and talking about themselves for a few minutes. Then after that I don’t respond to their negativity and change the subject every time they talk about things like that.

    I love rereading these books that always have new insights to be found.

    Wishing you all the best! 🙏❤️

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