Dear Quala:

I am fine this morning, thank you for asking. You feel that your board mates don’t like you. Remember I mentioned Emotional Reasoning earlier? You feel that your board mates don’t like you so you reason that it must be true that they don’t like you. But in reality, maybe one mate doesn’t like you, maybe a few, but not all mates dislike you, right?

If it is true that one or a few mates don’t like you- you are not alone in this situation because it is true for everyone, including myself: some people do not like me (and I don’t like every single person I know either). I don’t like it that some people don’t like me but I can’t change this reality. I can choose to socialize with those who do like me.

“Maybe I said something that caught them off guard about those who fail a lot and the college subject is difficult“-you feel that mates don’t like you and you are looking for reasons (why don’t they like me? you ask yourself). You then run through your brain possible reasons. One possible reason is that you said the above. My comment: if when you said that there are students who fail a lot, you said in in a tone of voice and/ or facial expression that expressed disapproval or disgust with students who fail a lot, that could be a reason for students to dislike you, particularly those who fail a lot. If you said it in a factual, neutral or empathetical tone/ expression, then I see nothing wrong or disagreeable with what you said.

“And earlier they asked me about the accounting equation, what I said is Asset plus Liability equals Equity and the one, she corrected, said Asset equals Liability plus Equity. I was embarrassed and said I had forgotten because we had a law subject. And she just asked me again, she said, sister, ‘just the basics, our topics are very basic, sister, yours is advanced‘“-

-You looked for another possible reason for being disliked and found this possible reason: you made a mistake in regard to the accounting equation (correct equation: assets=liabilities + equity) and you reacted to being corrected in regard to the equation by saying that you forgot because you had a law subject.

I don’t understand, therefore I ask: can you explain to me the connection between you making the mistake in regard to this basic accounting equation and the law subject?

“What should I do I feel ashamed, and every time I talk I feel like they are not  agreed to it?“- one general advice is: you know how important it is for you to not be disliked, right? It is also important for others to not be disliked. Therefore, when you are about to say something to a board mate, think before you say it: am I angry at the board mate? If you are angry, return to a state of calm before you speak to the mate.

Otherwise, before you speak, ask yourself: is what I am about to say to the board mate (or the tone of my voice or expression on my face) critical of her, disapproving, is it unkind? If it is any of these things, don’t say it (unless it is necessary to be said).

I hope to read from you soon and reply further.

anita