Dear Nala,

I am sorry about the sudden increase in your anxiety and having intrusive thoughts about ending your relationship – which has been a great, supportive and loving relationship – something you don’t want to lose in a million years! It seems to me that these intrusive thoughts are a form of self-sabotage.

You said you’ve always suffered from a mild anxiety and self-esteem issues, and now you are telling yourself: “I will just be an anxious mess, I won’t enjoy anything so might as well just leave now“. There might be a part of you that believes that you aren’t capable of a loving and supportive long-term relationship, because there is something wrong with you. This part may be now sabotaging you.

Or, as anita said, you might believe that all relationships end up badly, based on what you have experienced and/or have been taught in your childhood, and so there is no point in trying.

Or, perhaps your parents had a bad relationship and you feel you would “betray” them by having a good one, and so you self-sabotage out of solidarity for them.

There could be a number of reasons, but I think it would be important to get to the bottom of why you self-sabotage. Is it your own inadequacy and self-esteem issues, or the fear of being different and sort of “betraying” your family?

But most importantly, please calm down, know that it is just one part of you that is sabotaging you, and that you can get to the bottom of the problem and solve it. Trust that you are able to solve the problem and get to the other side successfully!