Anita,

I never noticed that earlier. I started noticing it later, that our whole friendship was based on the fact that I listened to him and I used to help him a lot. If it wasn’t for that, I don’t think we would ever be “friends” – not sure how to call it, now I don’t think it was friendship at all, it was his benefiting from my passiveness and people pleasing.

Thank you for pointing that out.

For the past days I’ve been thinking a lot about your posts, your insights, about how he behaved and how I suffered and was afraid. I did not even describe his other issues like bursting out on me or other people, how I was afraid to ask what was his floor number (he moved to a new place and I used to forget all the time) and just wandered around the building in hope I would recognize it somehow (I knew I could not ask him if he already had told me this once, because he will scold me)…. how I was afraid to say hi to my neighbor passing by, because my not-friend was talking to me at the time and implicated he would not stop so that so I could say hi, so I didn’t 🙁 I ignored my neighbor and his dog because I was afraid and knew I had to maintain eye contact so that he sees I am listening to him, although he clearly saw I was looking and smiling and wanted to say hi… or how he once told me someone sent him wishes and I asked what was the occasion and he scolded me that I did not know what it was (Easter coming in few days). Today, after a week since my message to him, and two weeks after his “escalation” I feel weird. Free and happy but also sad that I was abused and did not realize that, I was just trying to survive, walking on eggshells, avoiding asking stupid questions, or doing anything that would piss him off, but it was still not possible entirely to avoid it. Cleaning my place before he came, feeding my cat before so that she would not jump on the table because then he would see that my cat eats on the kitchen table and would be disgusted by it. I once borrowed his t-shirt because I needed something to wrap the computer while going to work from home and I washed it 3 times because there was cat hair on it. He once sneezed (at his place, not mine) and accused me of bringing cat hair to his place, and that I was the reason he sneezed. When I was at his place he used to order me to wash my hands after I touched something.

And still after what he did two weeks ago I posted asking “Is my FRIEND abusing me?”

I feel really sad and cheerless.

Thank you Anita again for your time, for being here.  I hope you have a wonderful weekend 🙂