Dear StoutHeartedMen:

” I don’t know if this is something I should discuss one-on-one, or unionize and see if we can eschew her from the friend group, or continue to bear with the behavior. What do you think?“- I wanted to add to my response: you and the others in the group should not continue to bear with friend 4’s inappropriate, rude and abusive behaviors because if you do, there is nothing to stop her from continuing these behaviors and hurting more people, like the bouncer at the bar who was only doing his job, and doing it respectfully. I believe that you and hopefully the others in the group should tell her that you disapprove of her abusive behaviors. With your honest feedback, maybe she will change her behaviors.

I suggest that you talk to the others in the group first, to see if you can all present a united front when confronting friend 4. If that is not possible, I would confront friend 4 one-on-one, if I was you.

The way society is supposed to work (and think of your friend group as a mini-society), is that when an individual does significant wrong, or a series of wrongdoings (like friend 4 does), other individuals within the group should let the wrongdoer know that it is not okay,  so to discourage bad behavior and promote good behavior.

anita