Dear Katrine,

I wished him a happy birthday continued with my work and when I finish my shift he was playing pool with friends I looked at him smile and said bye. Being respectful and tried to show that I wasn’t affected by his present.

Perfect! You definitely should be proud of yourself!! You were friendly and respectful, but not clingy, not expecting anything from him, or resenting him or anything like that. His behavior also seems more normal – he wasn’t just sitting there, staring at you and not saying anything. He talked to you a little and then left to play pool when his friends arrived, right?

maybe self compassion is the way to go, looking at this situation with the guy as a learning opportunity instead of a failed romance.

Yes, self-compassion is the key to healing and growth. And yes, this was a big break-through for you and also a great learning opportunity. In one of my previous posts (on page 6) I suggested to you to reframe this experience and see it not as a failure but as lessons learned. Because I think it was a success for you personally and your personal development, even though he didn’t say yes. So I would actually view it as a victory, not as a failure.