Dear Lori:

You shared that you were “raised by a malignant narcissist“, by a father whose “emotional state died in Vietnam“. As a result, you (48) are “afraid of people… don’t trust easily“. You describe yourself as “a single disabled mom, with zero family… stay usually alone… mentally exhausted… have C-ptsd and a panic disorder“. Your son was traumatized when he was 6, but the person who traumatized him was not held accountable and you are therefore very dissatisfied and angry with the justice system. Now a teenager, attending high school as a junior, he suffers from “severe mental health issues“. He has been seeing one particular therapist for the last 10 years, and you will be taking him to see a psychiatrist tomorrow (Monday).  You are very unsatisfied with the school board and the school district that your son attends (NY).  You believe that the staff and teachers are way too strict, unfair, not to be trusted, and that they terribly failed your son when they did not protect him from being bullied in middle school.

“I’ll not stop being an advocate or voice for my son“- excellent. To continue to advocate for him and to advocate for him even better, you will need to calm down and keep yourself calm. As my therapist of 10 years ago told me: when your anger is up, your IQ is down. Anger interrupts and suppresses intelligence, that’s just the way it is.

“I thank you so much and the saddest part is I’m completely shut down that I can’t even look or read the compliments or the nice words and points you were making I had rushed through but that’s ok I’ll try again“-

– You are welcome. You love your son very much, you care so much.. too much, in the sense that you get yourself worked up. It will get better for you and for your son if you keep yourself as calm as possible, and if you plan ahead of time what you will say to the psychiatrist tomorrow (and in other settings,  to any staff member in the school district, school board, etc.). Write/ type what you plan to say and when time comes (you are in the psychiatrist’s office, or in an office with a school district administrator, etc.)- have the typed paper in front of you, and if you need to-  read out loud from your notes, so that you come across as the intelligent, sensible and loving mother that you are. I am rooting for you and for your son!

anita