dear Anita

thank you for your kind words , not only kind but accurate too . i wish i could give you a hug right now.

but before i answer your question i wanted to share some stuff about my day , that was actually a good day . i close a lease??do you say in English ?the contract for renting a flat ?anyway im moving out from the house i once lived with both parents . its exciting and sad in the same time  but more exciting , i feel this is the end of an era . actually my brothers friend help me find it  the greater society in my personal life has been so far, way, WAY better to me than my mother has been, in my case better than my family but my brother actually supported me through his friend , he wired the money i needed immediately , it was my money but he lent me some extra for getting the new flat which is closer to him , and im happy for that i think the change of place can truly help me .

i hope you are having a good day too , i thank you so much for truly paying attention to what i wrote and even quoting from my older posts , it`s very rare nowadays .

I am guessing that she saw in you things she didn’t want to see in herself , she was very critical as you can imagine and close minded , i couldnt be honest with her, i didnt talk about stuff that happened to me because even though maybe she didn`t blame me in that moment , she would use against me later FOR SURE , she was  educated  and she put so much pressure on us for studying and once she called my sister an slut because she had a bad grade .

 It is an emotional dagger to the heart.even reading it makes my heart ache literally

 I found out that I was worthless, but not completely. I knew something was wrong about my mother’s behavior.. her disproportional over-reactions and other behaviors. im glad to hear that i think some people could never realized it , my brother is one example  , sometimes i feel he wants to impress me because i look like my mom alot and now that im writing it i feel guilty because i didnt approve of him either , not out of shadiness but im truly disappointed that he is closeminded and never listen to anyone and he is lazy and unmotivated …

And now, in regard to the anger-exercise: when you typed the above paragraph, were you sitting down? Perhaps you want to stand up straight with your head held high and repeat the above out loud, with a strong, confident voice, and add to it, if more occurs to you…?I was sitting down when typing it , and i said it loud and with confidence after doing i feel that my mom would accept that in her heart i know part of her rejecting me is actually not approving herself as good mother ,i can only guess that applies to your mother too ,  but she would be very offended and attack me back , but we dont need their apology or acceptance anymore , do we?i mean its good to say what you feel but we dont need them to acknowledge that they were wrong . its like giving them more power ,we know what happened to us was not fair but i  personally don`t care for an apology . i needed it before but not now . how about you ?have  you tried to talk to your mom about how she made you feel ?or maybe you wrote about it to your self ?and how did you feel after your own anger exercise here last time

Farnaz