Dear aVoid:

“I see progress. I am doing better than before“- congrats for making progress!

As I read your recent post, I thought to myself: finally, I find a person (you) whose pessimism regarding the future of humanity matches mine. But here is what I found out some time ago: the misery I envision in the future has already happened in my life. Thinking back about growing up (or as I prefer to call it, growing in) with my mother, that eternity-feeling experience felt so miserable, so distressing, that subjectively: I already experienced the end of humanity.

Looking for a possible parallel in your life, I find this: “Just like a lot of people, I’ve had a rough childhood. My mother was absent and my father was strict. His family abused me and I resented them for it. I spent most my life wanting revenge. I had become addicted to alcohol and other vices. I wanted to end my life so many times, and I’ve tried” (July 28, 2022 in your Please Help Me thread).

On that same day, you wrote: “I moved across the country to start over“- I too moved far away from my Original Misery (OM), across continents, seas and an ocean… there were moments, days, weeks that felt like freedom, but all too soon, the OM made itself all too known once again.

“I think it’s safe to say that I have chronic depression“, you wrote on that same day. I think of my OM (the misery of my childhood) as chronic depression.

You wrote on Aug 15, 2022: “I understand that I’ve got some deep trauma from my childhood. I suffered greatly and when I became independent I continued to suffer because the pain has burrowed so deep into my soul“- that’s the OM, deeply burrowed in one’s soul.

On that same day, you wrote: “I always hear his voice in my head, convincing me that the only thing this world has to offer is the inevitable continuing of pain and loneliness. Silently, I’ve been living in my own hell. And so many times I dream to end it all“- this pain, this OM, is one own’s hell. I too had the desire, as a child and onward, to end my life (not anymore). I believe that it’s the same misery of childhood that we keep feeling.

You wrote yesterday, Nov 21, 2022: “My existence in this world feels lonely and it is sometimes hard to sincerely smile. I do believe that we are living in a world where we have to suffer alone… The economy is failing… we are all depressed“- you felt lonely when the economy was booming, didn’t you? I suffered my OM in all kinds of economies, in different countries, and I felt it long ago, before Climate Change was a thing in the news and on people’s minds.

There is a way to lessen and lessen that OM, I lessened it and I am not done lessening it. Maybe we can cooperate here, on your thread, for the purpose of lessening our individual and collective OM. Please let me know if any part of what I am saying here makes sense to you.

anita