Hi Tee,

Your right there wasn’t any rejection directed at me, but I took it that way. In settings with many people I always sit in the back so I can hide a bit, but I wanted to sit by someone I knew to help with my anxiety (and also practise being social) and he did try more than once to get us to join him so he wasn’t telling us to f.. off. I am just really sensitive in these situations, I need to practise this more. It was the same with the first time I went to the bar with him. I already felt anxious and out of my element, there was too many people around me and my back was against the exit which I don’t like (a PTSD thing) and of course the girl hitting on him. But at the pub where it ws just the two of us away from people and noise I was completely relaxed. I have been invited to two girls from work’s birthday partys on Friday I am nervous but it’s a good exerccise (and a change to have fun)

There has been so many incidents with my sister reacting very strongly and me being blamed for it. Lately with the christening, my parents usually don’t take my side in this case they did and it was really nice to try. It so hard when your walking on eggshells. Like during the pandemic I sunk into a depression so bad that I was thinking about suicide every single day, I honestly didn’t think I would survive it. My sister ask me to come to her house (with a few other people) to meet her new boyfriend but I couldn’t get out of the house (cuz of the depression) I kindly declined and the next day a girl called my and told me so your just staying away to be passive agressive and hurt your sister. That hurt. That feeling the people think that I am a bad person, especially since I spend most of my life being a people pleaser and didn’t have any boundaries cuz they made me feel selfish. Now I am learning that a boundary isn’t a no to them but a yes to myself.

The coffee date was a succes. We spend all day together and had the best time it went by so fast, and she is totally up for doing it again. So I am very happy that I asked.