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Katrine Nielsen

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 141 total)
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  • #414392
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    Well then I can trust my instinct more, and if they should reject me it’s better in the beginning than later.

    I have been leaving when my crush is near, like when people come for coffee I will have a chat with them but usually leaves if it’s someone I like due to my anxiety going up.

    I probably feel so clingy due to my sister always feeling I took up too much space, she could talk about herself for hours but if I talked for ten minutes she thought it was too much.

    I never thought about it (being like forced exposure therapy) but now you mention it it makes sense. I never avoided the ones I didn’t really wanted to be with and I would always end up with them. But I was also surprised that being psysically intimate with someone I didn’t care about my body was more relaxed. The only guy I felt safe with and liked made me shake uncontrollably. My teeth even chattered. I just couldn’t control it.

    #414160
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    Yes, I just feel like it’s written on my face plus people always told me if i guy likes you would know but I’m always in doubt. Like with the guy last year, he was in the top bunk i was in the bottom one and I would put up a towel to get more privacy he came up and told me that he could ask in reception for another one as to help me. They told me that he did it because he liked me, but he was a gentleman so i didn’t think too much of it.

    I don’t avoid eye contact when they are speaking directly to me, but if in a group i tend to avoid eye contact with the one i like (same as the guy from the hostel does) i go go over to them and start conversations, and if i see them in the bar i go home because of my anxiety. I’ll reply when spoken to but I keep my distance. Like when he kept saying but who is gonna pour me a beer? I felt that by waiting the 30 min he would figure out i did it because of him and he would see me as clingy, but looking back waiting to go with two colleagues to go to the same party wasn’t gonna make me look clingy or weird.

    Yes I definitly see a pattern. It was so weird that it’s easier to be close to someone you don’t have feelings for than someone i like. But yeah now i can start to break this pattern and I didn’t realise that I already did 🙂

    #414132
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    Yes, different culture he was brazillian 🙂 It could be, they said he didn’t have a lot of confidence and he asked a collegue (male) if scandinavian women prefer exotic men (i was the only scandi person there) and one day he asked me if I had a boyfriend when I said no he said good.

    Well people have actually told me the same. On one occasion my friend asked me why I kept saying no to go for a drink with a guy that I was starting catching feelings for, I didn’t see it as me rejecting him like with X and Y my brain told me that he was only asking to be polite and not actually meant anything with it. When my anxiety kicks in be that because my crush is there or any other situation that makes me anxious I feel like it’s written on my forehead but when I’ve mentioned it to people the always seem surprised, they say I’m really good at hiding it.

    The guy from last year did in fact mention it. When I moved in with him (from hostel to hotel) he said that he nearly gave up several times cuz he didn’t feel i gave anything back. Two situations made him keep trying. I told him how much I liked being in his company and that I thought he was so easy to talk to. And our third kiss, the first two was bad on my behalf  I was very stiff cuz It felt very strange to me, but the third I put my arms around him and kissed him (I initiated). He also asked why I never initiated cuddeling it was always him, I wanted to but I was afraid he would push me away seeing me as clingy.

    And yeah 6 months is how long I usually keep my cool before I take a step forward, and it is a really long time to be testing someone. It’s kinda like a self fulfilled profecy.

    #414108
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    I mean he was less awkward in the first two months, he was indicating that he wanted to spend time with me, but never actually asked. Like always asking me when i would finish work (same time as him) then he was about to ask something then he would stop himself. He did that a lot so i was always left wondering what he wanted to say. Once he sounded cocky, he was alone dealing with a huge group and it seemed like he was boosting a bit, later found out that he really can’t handle the groups it’s too much for him. He would talk to me but without actually saying anything. That changed the moment he asked me to go to the bar with him. I indicated that i liked spending time with him when i asked about him teaching me karate. When talking to other women he is using the same tone of voice and he can look them in the eye. When i told some of my colleagues about it they were surprised cuz they didn’t notice anything from my behaviour. I become very avoident to the people i am atracted to which i need to learn how to deal with. I know now that it’s not social anxiety but a fear of vulnerbility that triggers my anxiety, and a fear of rejection. I’m fine until it gets to close. Same happened with the good guy last year it was easy until he got too close then my defense mechamism can in and I had to force myself not to run away, it was really hard at first but then it be came the best thing.

    He called them baby (part of his culture) but didn’t flirt with them. He used to call his x girlfriend princess. I wasn’t into him at first, i had my eye on another guy but he didn’t give me anything back so i didn’t think more of it. It wasn’t until they boys in the Kitchen told me that he kept talking about me all the time, they thought he was a little in love with me. Asking them if they thought he had a change and if scandinavian women prefer exotic men. He told them that one day he would take me out on a date, I also overhead some conversations where they were trying to get him around a lot of beautiful single women but he said no he had one women on his mind. Lot’s of stuff like that, but my colleagues (men) came to me that he liked me, and they were getting a little tired of hearing him taking about me.

    #414068
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    It’s excruciatenly. It hurts so much, it’s weird how I react stronger to losing someone I never had than some of the abuse I went through.

    My friend who works reception with him says the same. That he is repeating the same pattern, he’s still chatting up other women, using alcohol, drugs and women to distract himself from whatever pain he’s in.

    It’s was from April – Sept from he started working there. He was just a lot more extroverted and at times cocky. So it was a long time building up hope. But it fits my timeline, I usually spend 6 months analysizing everything to keep me from getting hurt, before I take a step forward. I need a lot of reassurance before I start believing that someone likes me, and I fear that him being with her will make people think that I was naiv and it was all in my head.  I struggle with this a lot. I was in a similar situation pre pandemic with a guy from work. He showed a lot of interest in me and only me, calling me princess and every other woman baby talking about me in a romantic sense to the guys at work etc. then after several months he got fired, he ghosted me shotly after. It left me heartbroken because where were the signs that he didn’t like me? I was confused. I need to know that I can trust my own perception going forward.

    It takes a hella lot for me to attach myself to someone and it takes a hella lot for me to detach. I hope this year will give me a bit of a break, I think I deserve it.

    #413979
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    I agree, being with him wouldn’t have been a good idea there wouldn’t have been any guarantee that he wouldn’t have cheated when drunk or high, and from the sound of it he’s still doing it even though he just started seeing this girl. Her affection towards him was very clear based on her position he was not showing any emotion probably because they were at work. He was only facing and talking to the girl in front of him and only started talking to the girl after her friend left. She was also the one who kept asking him to join for drinks, and she was the one who wanted him to join for drinks the day that he just nodded to me. This was the thing i feared not being with him is bad enough but knowing that this girl is getting what i want is the worst.

    I gonna try not to expect things from him, he been weird around me almost the entire time we’ve known each other he wont change around me now. There’s clearly something that makes him react like this only he knows the real reason why. It hurts and I know this will take time, I’m counting down to him leaving then it will be a lot easier. I barely see him at work he only works three days a week now (has been since septemper) and sometimes he has been working on days I have been off work.

    #413949
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I know. It’s just that I got called fat bitch og had people talking about my bad skin so i was hard for me to feel beautiful.

    #413927
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    It could be. I’m still the only woman that he treats this way and we do a lot of the same things. I have it easier being with someone i don’t have feelings for because they can’t hurt me the same way. Like i been doing hook ups (never went the whole way) with men at it felt easy, then with the guy i was with earlier last year i paniced i knew that he was the right person to go all the way with but my body just froze and worked against me. It’s not logically making sense.

    Well people called him a player because he would get super drunk and then fool around with women only to not want more from them but players don’t need alcohol to bewuth women. My colleague who just told that he and that girl are a thing goes out with him and x and y and she says he is charming and flirts around. Like her behaviour today gave it away but he was treating her the same way he acts around any other women, No nerves or anything. She was asking him to join us but he want to (the day he briefly looked at me and nodded) and last friday when she was asking him to go to the pub he said yeah alright i’ll message you, No emotions, but apparently the did get really drunk and flirting at the Christmas party. She’s lovely i like her but she’s only 21 and a bit more young and naiv.

    Iyou are right. I take on too much resposibility for other people emotions and him being weird around me and if they are gonna be a couple then he should talk to me like a friend.

    #413926
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Well i still see me as the overweight girl with unclear skin, but I’m not the same any more. I’m the one who dresses the most feminine i get a lot of compliments from my colleagues meen and women and people say i am really good at hiding my anxiety people always gets surprised when i tell them.

    He is still going to Canada in march that hasn’t changed. But it’s excruciatly hard that i have to see it in front of me.

    #413924
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi Tee and Anita,</p>
    So my friend just told me that him and the girl are a thing. I’m extremely heartbroken i was hoping i wouldn’t have to see him with another right in front of me. They have been seen kissing. I feel so hurt.

    #413914
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    He’s very attractive amazing brown eyes and brown curly hair, my mom said the same thing as you that women wants to be with him. He not nervous or anything around her, i think i get so jealoux because she is so beautiful. We have the same eye colour and hair colour and I can’t help compare myself, my own insicurities gets triggered. I know that beauty doesn’t mean you are interested. I have been hanging out with a guy from work he is like a brother to me, he’s very handsome a people thought we were dating because of it, but we are just friends.

    Yes he is leaving soon, but it’s hard for me to see them together at work because i don’t have control over it like if they like each other and can’t change that. He’s always around other women not, he will even walk up and have his Tea with female guests that made me jealoux too, he will join them (the three aussie girls) during his break if he sees them but never did that with me.

    #413906
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you. It’s been a lot for me to carry, so much going on and now this. I hope it gets better soon.

    #413905
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    It happened when he was talking to me.

    A little bit. It feels like i overstepped a boundary but I know i didn’t i become very avoident when i like someone so i know i didn’t.

    And now i have to deal with jealousy as well he came 15 min early and had his Tea with the pretty girl and her friend. You could tell she likes him she sat right next to him and had her body turned to him the whole time, he was talking to the girl in front of him until she left and then it was just the two of them. I know he is free to be with whoever he wants to be with but I really really don’t want to see it happen right infront of me.

    It’s so hard keeping Faith I’m 33 and all i had was two months with someone. I so torn right now.

    #413869
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    Yes, it was an extremely relaxing party and they never tried to add pressure on me to take any.

    He doesn’t use other people’s names when he greets them just me. He will walk up to them and be like hey mate and then he starts a small catch up conversation with them, with me it’s a bit different. If I’m around collegues he will say you alright? or nothing at all, and then when we are alone he will talk a bit more sometimes calling me by nickname several times a day and talking without really saying anything. Which he kinda allways did the first two months, saying you alright every time he walked past me, always asking the same things like what time do you finish work (we had the same schdule) you starting now? you finishing no? He didn’t call me anything until he came to my house (and forgot his hat) when he came to the bar and asked about me he used my full name .

    Well that would make it feel less hurtfull. Cuz that’s exactly what I have been doing to him. Couldn’t talk to him when other people were present cuz I didn’t need and audience for me being a fool around him. Being awkward around your crush is a lot better than someone being awkward around you because they have a crush on you. And he always hangs with more women than men, he hangs with X and Y and now the pretty one (who makes me feel jealous) has been asking him to join her and her friends for drinks a couple of times. He is like seeing a completely different person. And not only is it hard because I feel excluded but also a people pleaser always making sure people around me were happy, the mere thought that I’m just plain cuasing him discomfort is really really hard. I just want everybody to be happy, and we’ve barely seen each other and I can’t give him more space than I am already doing (he starts all conversations)

    He does have a lot of self destructive behaviour. He doesn’t eat a lot (manly eats salads) goes to the gym a lot and since he doesn’t have an ounce of fat too much on his body (and with all the drinking) losing 4 kilos in just one week is a hella lot. I properly have been expecting way to much of him, Anita said the exact same thing in another post. I need to meet him where he is and not where I want him to be.

    I feel very defeated in my love life. What I want the most is a partner and I have only had two months of that in my life, and so much heartache. It’s such a rollercoaster for me and a lot of mental energy for me.

     

    #413864
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    It feels good to hear that I can be a bit of help too, Espicially with the amount of posts I have been making seeking help.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 141 total)