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Katrine Nielsen

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 36 total)
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  • #407624
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I feel a lot better now. I’m gonna focus on Apologizing, apreciating his effort and telling how i feel. Keeping it simple. I’m trying to not take a potentiale rejection personally cause sometimes it’s not just  about liking someone it could be a whole lot of other reasons. But I really do hope i have succes with this.

    #407623
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    Really good point. I need to keep focus on me then he has space to think if he wants to and or am able to give me what i am hoping he will.

    My text last Monday was indeed defensive and I didn’t give me anything. Like with ultimatums never work either. He needs to be able to process it and see if he wants to go further.

    I can take some comfort in that more than just i think of his behaviour as good signs, so i not crazy. And after seeing him at work everyday since friday I’m still the woman he gets a but awkward around. My male colleague who knows him and whom i told all about this said it’s all really good signs and said that he could relate to his behaviour in terms of his now girlfriend (a colleague of ours)

    #407599
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi Anita,</p>
    Really good pointers! Glad I’m asking before, my message with him not being interested was defensive and came from a very dysregulated state. Definitly not a good idea.

     

    Apologizing for my behaviour, showing that i really apreciate his effort. Tell him i like him find a way to say i think we both struggle with letting people close (showing him we have a lot in common)

    And really importantly keep it simple like you said attention defeceit.

    #407598
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Really good pointers! Glad I’m asking before, my message with him not being interested was defensive and came from a very dysregulated state. Definitly not a good idea.

     

    Apologizing for my behaviour, showing that i really apreciate his effort. Tell him i like him find a way to say i think we both struggle with letting people close (showing him we have a lot in common)

    And really importantly keep it simple like you said attention defeceit.

    #407551
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Really good ideas. I was thinking about apologizing for my behaviour and say when my anxiety kicks in i become rude without knowing (shut ting down, ignoring people) and it’s hard for me to keep a conversation going(he had to constanly be the conversation starter) and then tell him i apreciate him taking time meeting me and give a yoga session (something positiv that I unfortunatly didn’t do on the day) then maybe something like but I don’t believe you didn’t read any intention into this, I think you like me as much as I like you. You had several chanses to cancel but didn’t you could have left soon after the session but you stayed. When you talked about getting something to eat and what my plans where I took that as a I want you to leave but now i am not so sure. Maybe mention that i think we both struggle letting people close (he talks about trauma and psychology) letting him know it’s not easy for me as well. Not quite sure how to end. Maybe I’ve tried reading you for months but I tired of it (letting him know that i have been avoident but only because i couldn’t read him. The script in my head keeps changing.

    #407546
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    Yes I feel more confident after talking to my guy colleague. He kept saying that all of this was really positiv, and he was surprised that I didn’t pick up on the turkish restaurant thing. Hopefully i can mens the damage i have made.

    #407545
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    My colleague told me to ask him to go for a walk, since all my commubication with him was online. I asked him to meet up for a chat and he is up for it. And when he said goodbye he called me Kat, he only started doing that after the housewarming before he never used my name so i take that as a good sign. I will apologize for my behaviour and probably say that I believe that we both like each other but don’t know exactly how to go about it. Or something like that.

    #407524
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Yes relationships seem so scary when you have been hurt by those closets to you.

     

    His post about his anger, struggles with love and being blindwd by his own problems was postede a year ago. He himself is also working on his mental health and trying to make better choises in life which i find to be a very couragious thing and showing that he is self aware.

     

    I am very proud of myself for all the progress i have made since being diagnosed with Complex PTSD. It’s amazing how having the right diagnosis can change your life.

     

    I talked with a male colleague today who also knows him and he said the same that he really is showing that he is interested in me and suggested that i ask him to join me for a walk so I can talk it out with him. It’s time for us to say it like it is that we like each other. Not sure exactly how to go about it.

    #407522
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    I getting more and more sure that he in fact does like me and did see it as a date. He bought me coffee, brought a pink yoga mat specially for me, bringing his brother along was probably to ease his anxiety and not act as a chaperone. I talk to a friend and male colleague and he too saw all of this as really good signs. He thinks I should ask him to go for a walk and then I can talk it over with him. It’s probably time for me to be the one to take a step forward an and just say it as it is that i like him not quite sure how though.

     

     

    #407359
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    Yes looking at it from that point of view definitly helps. I have learned a whole lot this year and still learning. I know that when you nervous system gets dysregulated you can’t act apropiatly because your brain is only focused on keeping you safe. I know i still react (shut ting down, pushing people away) instead of responding (regulating myself before making any decisions).

     

    I am slowly getting back to my baseline after the “date” i now i am noticing some details i think i missed then.

    So after the session and a couple of hours of talking he went i think it’s time to go eat something, what are you doing for the rest of the day? I felt rejected like maybe he wanted me to leave. I said go home and eat as well. Then when we left the park we got to a street with lot’s of restaurants and he went you have to try a turkish restaurant one day (his familie is turkish) feeling down i replied I yeah maybe i will one day. He went like that one right across the street from us that’s turkish. Maybe it was his way of trying to get me to join them. Thinking on how he reacted the day he asked me to go to pub with him just the two of us. Back then he didn’t say hey wanna grab a beer. He asked so what’s your plans for tonight? (establishling that i was free) then he said oh I really cold beer would be good, I agreed (indicating i would be up for going some where) he didn’t ask me until right before we had to go our separate ways so maybe he was trying to get the courage to ask me?

     

    Regarding the whole living in my capital. A month an A half ago he came up to me after work and got a beer he asked me if i could see myself living in other countries. Odd question to just ask a colleague (unless you like them and are moving a road) he also asked what my future plans were, which i replied staying here and then going to live in my capital. Sorry for the long post but the more i talk about it the better i feel.

    Every time we came to a standstill my approach was to just go back to square one and talking like friends.

     

     

    #407343
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    Yes i liked him but the fear of intamacy almost scared me away that’s why i had to force myself. It sounds bad but it ended up being the most safe and stable thing i have ever tried. A true gentleman we were together for three months then his visa expired. And that was hard, finally got some love and amazing experiences and then it stopped out of my control.

     

    Yes we talked a bit today and he is still a bit awkward around me compared to my female colleagues but at least we are over the first contact since the rejection. It’s still hard cuz i really really like him

    #407334
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Yes i would have said yes to him. Because earlier this year i had my first intimate experience with a man it was scary and I took a couple of weeks for my mind and body to relax in it. But it only happened because i went through with it even though i was terrifiying and foreign to me. Had i acted on my emotions it wouldn’t have happened because i didn’t think he really meant it when he said he liked me. Even though everybody else knew he liked me.

     

    I feel soo relieved that i can trust myself and my gut instinct. We just said hi to each other and he smiled so i feel a bit better.

    #407328
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    Honestly it nearly made me cry knowing I can trust my own perception of things and I’m not crazy. One of our female colleagues keeps asking me questions if he didn’t do this and he didn’t do that, and he brought his brother with him he doesn’t like you and he didn’t think is was a date. I don’t believe that he had so many changes to not go through with it, and he prolonged the time we spend together even after the session was over. But I nearly did the same i nearly cancelled my housewarming because of anxiety i didn’t really believe that they wanted to be there. And I know i probably should’t have asked him when he clearly wasn’t himself, i never know if things could have been different anf it really hurts because i still very much like him, and I don’t know if this will mean we won’t talk. But based on his behaviour i truly believe now that he does have feelings for me, but it’s extremely hard losing something you think was gonna happen expecially after a isolated and lonesome life

    #407320
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Your reply actually made me tear up because before even reading it that was what i was thinking. I don’t believe that he doesn’t like me and that he doesn’t see me that way (i wrote him on instagram after i got home from the yoga session) I think I got too close and he got scared and shut down. I did the same when he got too close i shut down and when i am not feeling well (dysregulated) there’s nothing or no one who can convince me that they care. Your self defense mechamism are so strong they end up hurting you. I nearly ended up canceling my housewarming because of my anxiety. I was soo excited about it until one hour before and they were late i was fighting an anxiety attack thinking they don’t really care about this, they don’t really want to be here. A lot like the same he showed Monday.

    In the post about his brother and him struggling with love he added that he was fuming and taking his anger out on him, and being so blinded by his own problems he wasn’t there for him. So anger must be there. I also think his respons was so odd that it couldn’t possibly be just a I’m not interested. Too many signs that he does in fact like me. Wondering what would happened had i asked him the thing you wrote

    #407299
    Katrine Nielsen
    Participant

    Hi Tee

    Yeah that’s kinda what i was thinking. That he was interested but it got too close for comfort. He postede on instagram that he struggles with showing love after what he went through and I know i have done the same patterns that he is showing. And he is getting closer to moving to another country. He’s brother only got invited along right before he left his house, and he had plenty of opportunities to cancel but didn’t since i asked him to specefically teach me karate and not everything else. And staying hours after just talking. I think we might have the same attach ment issues here, we keep getting close to each other and then it stops and starts again. I did the same with a guy pre pandemic i liked him but the moment he wanted me i bolted and whent with a guy that wasn’t good. The thought of intamicy was scare i will even start to physically shake when a guy gets close intimate or physically. And I definitly think his behaviour on Monday was very much self sabotaging. Because in person and over text he was completly normal and kept trying to find things for us to do and then 5 min before his behaviour changes.

     

    I am writing to try and regulate my emotions so I can move on and not hurt like this for too long

     

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 36 total)