Hi Tee,

Yeah he did say sorry for it and added the smiley with one tear in it’s eye. He says that it’s been a crazy week with work, uni his dad going to the doctor and anxiety about leaving. He is going to Portugal on Sunday. I instincly wanted to react but I think I managed to stay calm and let him know that I miss hearing from him.

Walks definitly helps. and the weather is absolutly amazing at the moment here.

Hi Tee,

Yes, I hope so. Would be weird if he says that twice and then be like, I don’t think we should talk anymore. We agreed on Monday since we are both busy over the weekend. I’m really nervous but hoping for the best.

Hi Tee,
<p style=”text-align: left;”>I’m scared of his reply. Since his actions and words don’t align any more. That’s what happened with the guy i was with last year.</p>
 
<p style=”text-align: left;”>But I know i need to write and ask him.</p>

Hi Tee,

Exactly, and that’s what hurts the most. I’ve been up all night crying because i felt so hurt. I had plans for brunch today with the canadian girl, and I think she could tell do I told (after we left didn’t wanted to start tearing up) I contacted the therapist and I hope she replies tomorrow. I also made plans to go home and spend time with my family. I will be good for me, I need a break from everything. Especially since everybody knows about us at work, and now i feel put on the spot, because they are asking me about him.

Hi Tee,

So my fears were true. He’s not coming to London. I asked him directly and he just said no, I’ll go straight to Portugal. I can’t believe this is happening. He broke his promise to me. My best friend! I’m so confused. I don’t what i do to deserve this. He kept promesing me that he would tell me if things changed, but he never did. I can’t keep doing this, this is too much.

Hi Tee,

Yeah not a lot, and he seems to struggle to relax. I only remember him spending one day off not doing anything. He is always ding something.

He said that they wanted him in Portugal for one month checking the properties they have there after his stay in Brazil, so that would be beginning of June. Then they wanted him to be there over the high season (in Portugal) But now they want to open properties in London as well so they want him to go there first. It sounded like he didn’t get a clear time from them. Like me coming to visit him on his birthday in June is a clear date, but he’s not sure how much time they will give him off (he’s hoping for two days) so we can’t really plan anything until we know exactly when which I don’t like.

I think he struggles with that too. Like I told him several times to talk to a manager about the head chef and he never did. Or try to get him to ask for shifts in reception when they needed it before giving those shifts t someone else. But it easy for me to say cuz I’m exactly the same and I’m still struggeling to set boundaries myself.

He wrote me yesterday to check up on how I was doing and so that felt good. The surgery was hard on him so the two days he didn’t work, but worked a lot the days after. He took a day off to spend time with his family on mother’s day so he needed that. He also mentioned that being with his family is what he needed at the moment. I think that working in the kitchen that long has hurt his mental health more than he’s willing to say. We had problems with him yesterday, he made the new chef cry then kicked him out of the kitchen. Then I got kicked out and a collegue for trying to check up on the delayed food orders. Also I don’t think that he has been in a relationship before, and maybe doesn’t know quite how to comminicate (like myself)

I have been really exhausted lately so put it aside but I  want to contact the therapist soon because she seems really good. It will have o be online and i’m not very technical but we will figure it out I think.

Hi Tee,

I not quite sure it’s gonna be like that. Right now I only hear from him when I write, and after several months of getting dysregulated by this i feel like I need more because it’s really hard on my health. But I’m hoping for the best.