Dear Farnaz:

“I don’t know why replying to this particular post was hard for me. I almost cried when reading it“- I think that it’s your past love for your father that made you cry, a past love that is still there.

“I had a mixed feeling of happiness and grief. I said it before, this is the end of an era. Nothing is gonna (be) like before, and I am sad but hopeful at the same time. I loved my dad from early childhood, and he was the one who I believed loved me the most… he was a liar and a back stabber“- of the possible sources of love in your childhood, he was the best (or the least bad). When a person is thirsty enough, he/ she will drink water that is a bit muddy, if that’s the only water available. I think that the end of the era is about you preparing to quench your thirst with water that is not muddied by lies and back stabbing.

“I learned to love him despite (knowing) he was liar and back stabber“- you had no choice but to love him as a child because he was the closest to love that was available to you, and you had to have something in your life that- at least at times-  looked like love, sounded like love, and felt like love.

“I learned to find my way and define myself as a separate being… I remember I was a happy kid when I was 7 to 11, I  danced without any music all the time…  I was so naive,  joyful and blissfully ignorant and I wondered if I could  return to that time, of course it’s not possible“- it’s not possible for you to go back in time. But it is possible for you to dance with or without music.

“I trust myself much more than before, and if that’s not a cause for celebration, I don’t know what is?“- trusting yourself is definitely a cause for celebration!!!

“We can be super cautious and scared of past experiences, but I believe that couldn’t help us. I was isolated and not really dealing with lots of people and I still got hurt“- if you no longer have mud in your water, you can drink it without caution and fear. Imagine that…?

anita